I believed in fairies.

I was a little girl,
who once believed in fairies.
Peter pan, the muffin man,
Santa and all he carries.

I believed in magic,
I believed in luck,
I believed in the boogie man
and I believed in love.

Growing up is a terrible thing,
I wanna be stuck in dreams.
I want it to never end,
the way the movies seem.

But life moves on,
and truth grows thin.
Childhood passes,
and adult-hood begins.

"I want it to never end" not the greatest wording there. It is off. But that is the absolute only nitpick I have. You know at thirteen I still have va belief of fairies? Its different now of course. I love how you added love in there, as if itbwere fake too. I superly enjoyed this. Liking now.

I really like this poem and I can totally relate. But growing up is the best part in life. At least I think so.

Oh, this made me tear up. Just the other day my cousin and I were talking about how quickly our childhood is passing, and this just enforced the feeling. I have absolutely no nit-picks about this. Wonderful job.

Hey there wewinwelose! I'm Walker, here with a review for you today so I hope you don't mind .

And let me start off with I love fun, childish topics that are related to adult life. So, personally, I did enjoy this poem and for what it stood for, so kudos to you on that!

Now, onto the critique!

Personally speaking, you start off with an interesting flow and a simplicity that is desired when it comes to pieces like this. Thats really good. But, as a lot of young writers seem to do these days, you start to wane off near the end, like you can't think of good enough sentence structure to go with the piece at hand. Usually it comes out with how you word it.

So, what I'm going to say is think of a syllable count. You have a structured poem here, which is nice seeing as so many poems on YWS are free-versed and usually without any real flow. The thing with that, though, is that you need to have your structure down pat. So count out the amount of beats you want per line and the flow should come just fine!

Secondly, I would like to touch up on the abrupt ending. What are you trying to prove with this poem? What is the underlying message? We get that once you believed in fairies but adulthood came and now you don't. So whats the point? I want to see maybe some remorse for losing what once had been amazing. I want to see you mourn the passing of childish ambition. If you can do that, this poem may be something more than just stating a random fact. If you can do that, my hats off to you.

And lastly, maybe throw in some imagery! I know this is short and I know you were going for something that wasn't very complicated next to poems of life and death or love and loss. I get that, but as a reader and as someone who craves something that looks as if the writer took more than ten minutes to write it, I find that this was a bit lack lustre.

So all in all, work on the structure and cause! That and maybe a little imagery ;D You'll be surprised by the difference it makes!

~Walker

I really like this it spoke the truth of what most kids feel these days.

wewinwelose.

This was a sad poem. It was mainly sad because of the line about love. But do you not realize that when most people grow up, they find love nonetheless? In some form or way. We know this because we look at other people around us, and we see so few loveless adults compared to so many ones who have someone. Although this line was very sad, it also derails your poem, because after the conclusion I made above, I start to doubt your other points.

Besides that little bit, I liked your poem. Write more!

PurifyingFire

Hi there. I'm Lavvi =)

Really, this was so wonderful. It's rather a simple idea to take and write about, but it's a good one (idea). Only a few things:

A) Elaborate. I find this is what a lot of people do, be it in prose or poetry: they write and then pull away, limiting a piece's full potential. And this is what you've done here. There's a huge opportunity to expand this and it would be all the more sentimental for the audience as well. So perhaps they can empathize. I'm sure most everyone was like this, and I'm sure we all regret this change. Everyone, once in awhile, wishes for things to go back as they were. And perhaps you can expand on this in this poem. It would make it all the more better, also. So, tell us about games with these fairies, the night Santa Claus climbed down the chimney. Excited? Nervous? Eager? Elaborate. Bring some emotion into this, something more, please.

B) Believed? Everything's in the past tense, and I understand that this is the way you'd like your poem to turn, but (and this sort of ties in with the above point: Elaborate) perhaps twist the poem at the end. Maybe you still sort of believe in fairies, you have a hopelessly romantic idea that maybe fairies do exist after all. I really think you should express a... type of longing at the finish of this poem. It'd really make a good impression.

Overall, I really enjoyed this. It was so original and pretty well-written.

Yours,
Lavvi