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You can be such a bitch
And you know it
You don't really give a shit
You are as nice as can be
Well that is when you want to be
When she is around you are a puppet
You will do anything she says
And why?
For popularity
Look at your self
See the mindless monster
The monster that you have become
Cruel, vain, and hurtful
You hurt us
You know your old friends
The people that actually give a shit about you
Your new friends are mindless clones
They are made by her
They are an invention an experiment
She uses them to get more
More people on her side
So she can change them
Into mindless clones
That roam the earth
Constantly thinking about what she would do
Can't you see
Your hurting your family your hurting me
Please stop changing
Your acting strangely
Like a bitch
Like a slut
A lot sadder
Less bubbly
I wish you would go back to who you were
That sweet kind girl
Maybe just maybe
You remember her
Can she come back and soon
I think that we may be able to help her
Out of this hole
This deep dark pit
This pit of despair
That you have been digging
You dig deeper and deeper
With ever wrong choice
Every bad thing
Every insult
Every cruel name
Every lie
Everything bad has effected not just others
But you too
And no you see
Because now it hurts you as much as it hurt me
Now you know
Know what I have had to go through
The pain
The exhaustion
And more all the things that make it unbearable
All the things that made it hard for me
Last edited by AnonymousAnarchist on Sat May 21, 2011 3:01 am, edited 1 time in total.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 940
Reviews 11
Wow. This is a very strongly worded poem. I have a couple corrections though:
You can be such a bitch
And you know it
You don't really give a shit
You are as nice as can be
Well that is when you want to be
And when she is not around I don't really get this line. It take away from any flow.
When she is around you are a puppet
You will do anything she says
And why?
For popularity
look at your self
see the mindless monster
the monster that you have become
cruel, vain, and hurtful
you hurt us
you know your old friends
the people that actually give a shit about you
your new friends are mindless clones
they are made by her
they are an invention an experiment
she uses them to get more
more people on her side
so she can change them
into mindless clones
that roam the earth
constantly thinking about what she would do
can't you see
your hurting your family your hurting me
please stop changing
your acting strangely
like a bitch
like a slut
a lot sadder
less bubbly
I wish you would go back to who you were
that sweet kind girl
maybe just maybe
you remember her
can she come back and soon
I think that we may be able to help her
out of this hole
this deep dark pit
this pit of despair
that you have been digging
you dig deeper and deeper
with ever wrong choice
every bad thing
every insult
every cruel name
every lie
everything bad has effected not just others
but you too
and no you see
because now it hurts you as much as it hurt me
now you know
know what I have had to go through
the pain
the exhaustion
and more all the things that make it unbearable
all the things that made it hard for me


Also, the lack of punctuation takes away from the poem, unless it was intended; and the second half of the poem needs to be capitalized at the start of each new line.

I hope I helped a little. Keep writing!
-Dreamsingray




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 16
1. This should not be rated 12+ it should be rate 16+ if not 18+
2. I really saw the meaning of this poem, I have the same stuff. Everyone does, you might want to try not to cuss so that people of all ages can read this true poem.
3 Cuss words, I don't really like the cussing overall great!
~KC Under~ Unique- not weird ;D




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 374
Reviews 165
heeey an!
I will be your reviewer for today :) I want to say that this is a really good poem but I suggest you take out the cussing. It just seemed to rude to me. I understand that that is how you or the narrator of your poem feels about her but I suggest you just change that :)

You can be such a bitch
And you know it
You don't really give a shit
You are as nice as can be
Well that is when you want to be
When she is around you are a puppet
You will do anything she says
And why?
For popularity
Look at your self your self should be yourself I think
See the mindless monster
The monster that you have become
Cruel, vain, and hurtful
You hurt us
You know your old friends
The people that actually give a shit about you
Your new friends are mindless clones
They are made by her
They are an invention an experiment
She uses them to get more
More people on her side
So she can change them
Into mindless clones
That roam the earth
Constantly thinking about what she would do
Can't you see
You're hurting your family you're hurting me
Please stop changing
You're acting strangely
Like a bitch
Like a slut
A lot sadder
Less bubbly
I wish you would go back to who you were
That sweet kind girl
Maybe just maybe
You remember her
Can she come back and soon
I think that we may be able to help her
Out of this hole
This deep dark pit
This pit of despair
That you have been digging
You dig deeper and deeper
With every wrong choice
Every bad thing
Every insult
Every cruel name
Every lie
Everything bad has effected not just others
But you too
And now you see
Because now it hurts you as much as it hurt me
Now you know
Know what I have had to go through
The pain
The exhaustion
And more all the things that make it unbearable
All the things that made it hard for me


This is a good write and you've really captured those emotions very well in this poem.
keep writing
-qaralynn-
"If they can't be with you at your worst, then they don't deserve to be with you at your best."
-Murtuza-

"Even though a ship won't sink at sea, it needs to be steered to get home."



Poetry is like a bird, it ignores all frontiers.
— Yevgeny Yevtushenko