Chasing A Pearl

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Gender Male
Points 740
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The memory of a pearl hovering
over green fields with a glow like a flame.
I chased it as if death were behind me.
And then the chest closed over
just to tease me and spite me.

I tried to open the chest,
but I can't find the key.
Once the top starts to move,
the wind knocks it back.

So I took it up in flash of desperation,
and sunk to the depths of the sea
hoping to drown it into submission.
I could almost hear it laugh.

The pearl jumped out,
it's glow bending under the waves.
It dashed through the water,
but I can't swim nearly that fast.

Then I heard a whisper,
like a breeze blowing through trees.
“Is it worth it my son?
Will you fight for the treasure you've found?”

And my shouting reply,
Is a kick to swim faster.
I'm choking on water,
but I yell none the less.
Onward! Onward!
"He laid emeralds in our eyes. Oh, but I'd already tried a bracelet made of gold and scarlet thread around her wrist. And everything was wrong, so we sang sentimental songs. Oh how seldom we belong, but how elegant our kiss." -Norma Jean "Memphis Will Be Laid To Waste"




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Points 2564
Reviews 129
HI there.
This is very good. Great structure and flow. It is very skilfully put together.

What drew me to this poem is the first place in the title. so good job on drawing me in.

Fantasy poetry is hard to write. It is a lot harder than fantasy prose because you need to strike a balance between keeping the flow and structure solid and also working in the story and fantasy elements. You do this very well.

In conclusion, good job.
I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see.

Alice in Wonderland




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Gender Female
Points 940
Reviews 4
I really liked this. The tittle drew me in and i wanted to know more about this so I read it. It is to the point and as long as you think you made your point then well done. Over all i really like this. :)
(:***BREAKAWAY***:)



What is a poet? An unhappy person who hides deep anguish in his heart, but whose lips are so formed that when the sigh and cry pass through them, it sounds like lovely music.
— Søren Kierkegaard, Philosopher & Theologian