Letters to you. Part 1

Dear You,

Yes, you. Can you really believe that I have the sense enough to write a letter that will continue on to a reasonable point about nothing at all? Maybe I will cover everything that has ever happened to me. Maybe I won’t. We’ll see.

Honestly, I’m not quite sure why I am writing this. It seems a bit frugal at best, however I as myself am a bit frugal. At most. As I’m sitting here jotting down these meaningless words to me, myself, and I, there is an overwhelming smell of garlic mashed potatos that have been sitting out for days. This may show that I’m not a cleanest of people, but now at least you know I can go days standing the same smell. If that makes it better... Which I don’t believe it does.

Have you ever wondered why when the lights are off and my computer screen is lit up, the out side world is only a shadow on my destiny or the man at my funeral. It seems as if I was made to fly across oceans of insults only to reach for a shining star that will most likely be my downfall.

Okay. Done with the poetic stuff on to real hardcore stuff. Bunnies perhaps? Let us get to the meat of this. I like fat on my steak. I think it taste good. I should probably tell you the fat of this, it being the good part. Well, let’s see. Fat, Fat, Fat...... Hmmmm.... I just finished a really good anime... My favorite color is... I don’t have one, and somehow the only key on my keyboard that is faded is the R. Weird huh?

Sometimes I wish I could know the life of the people reading my writings. I want to know just what makes them tick, what makes them think. If only I could slip in their skin, and explore their life. I wonder if they think its even good enough to be explored. What makes them think writings are good or bad? Punctuation? Capitalization? The way words morph and bend under the writer’s finger tips? So will you let me ask you?


What makes you tick?

Interesting concept. I really do like the way it flits around, though it makes some of it hard to understand. You also have some grammatical errors. So:

Can you really believe that I have the sense enough to write a letter that will continue on to a reasonable point about nothing at all? Maybe I will cover everything that has ever happened to me. Maybe I won’t. We’ll see.

Everything should be one word. I like the fact that you have a lot of paradoxical contradictions, but I think if you want to make that a point of your writing, you should be a bit more blunt and nicely ironic about it. In the first sentence, for instance, you have the contradiction that you are asserting that you have some "sense", while talking about nonsense, and that you're making a pointless point. In my opinion, it would be a stronger piece if you highlighted those paradoxes to make it seem more intentional, so your nonsense makes a bit more sense. If that makes any sense... =P

It seems a bit frugal at best, however I as myself am a bit frugal.

Not quite sure what this is supposed to mean. I suppose that's the point, but you should probably make it a bit clearer.

As I’m sitting here jotting down these meaningless words to me, myself, and I, there is an overwhelming smell of garlic mashpotatos that have been sitting out for days. This may show that I’m not a cleanest of people, but now at least you know I can go days standing the same smell. If that makes it better... Which I don’t believe it does.

I love this description and point (especially the me, myself, and I bit). I'm not sure if the "mashpotatos" is intentional, but it really should be "mashed potatoes".

Have you ever wondered why when the lights are off and my computer screen is lit up, the out side world is only a shadow on my destiny or the man at my funeral. It seems as if I was made to fly across oceans of insults only to reach for a shining star that will most likely be my downfall.

"Outside" should be one word. Also, probably needs a question mark in that part. Also, it's not very clear what you mean by any of that. Again, might be just making a point, but probably if you want to make strange comparisons, they should be at least a little clearer, otherwise it turns the reader off. Also it should be "it seems as if I were".

Okay. Done with the poetic stuff on to real hardcore stuff. Bunnies perhaps? Let us get to the meat of this. I like fat on my steak. I think it taste good. I should probably tell you the fat of this, it being the good part. Well, let’s see. Fat, Fat, Fat...... Hmmmm.... I just finished a really good anime... My favorite color is... I don’t have one, and somehow the only key on my keyboard that is faded is the R. Weird huh?

First part is good. I think it's probably better when the strange diversions and twists lead to some kind of point. It has a nicer effect.

Sometimes I wish I could know the life of the people reading my writings. I want to know just what makes them tick, what makes them think. If only I could slip in their skin, and explore their life. I wonder if they think its even good enough to be explored. What makes them think writings are good or bad? Punctuation? Capitalization? The way words morph and bend under the writer’s finger tips? So will you let me ask you?

"Life" should be "lives" in all of the red parts. Probably needs a semicolon where the red comma is. "Its" should be "it's"



I think it's an interesting exploration of a style, but I think it would be more powerful if it were more directed. Like if you elaborate on one point at the heart of it, but go on all kinds of tangents. Either that or break it up into a lot of small letters. Just some suggestions. =)