Like Fire

5 posts
User avatar
LadyFreeWill
Gender Female
Points 0
Reviews 67
Fri May 20, 2011 11:25 pm
LadyFreeWill says... · Fri May 20, 2011 11:25 pm
Spoiler
Something I suddenly thought of. Just a scrap


It’s like fire,
Raging on, burning up.
It makes you feel feverish
with overwhelming desire.

Passion is a fire,
Passion is language.
And for a while,
It’s the only one you know.
Formerly TheScratchMan.
Quote




User avatar
Sassykat
Gender Female
Points 367
Reviews 165
Fri May 20, 2011 11:33 pm
Sassykat says... · Fri May 20, 2011 11:33 pm
I like this one. Short and simple. It could go a little deeper, adding a little more meaning, but personally I like it just the way it is. Fantastic.
Shakespearian tongue-twister:

To sit in solemn silence
In a dark, dank dock
In a pestilential prison
With a lifelong lock;
Awaiting the sensation
Of a short, sharp shock
Of a cheap, chippy chopper
On a big black block.
Quote




User avatar
Silver
Gender Female
Points 1710
Reviews 22
Fri May 20, 2011 11:40 pm
Silver says... · Fri May 20, 2011 11:40 pm
I like it. Like Sassykat said, short and simple. I do think you should add more; it doesn't feel quite complete. I would change the third line of the first stanza to something like "feeling feverish" or "It makes you feverish". Other than that, I really like it and I would love to read more.
Defying Normality: The Wicked Witch of Insanity
Quote




User avatar
GagaforEverything
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 3




Random avatar
TylynRae
Gender Female
Points 2647
Reviews 313
Sat May 21, 2011 6:07 pm
TylynRae says... · Sat May 21, 2011 6:07 pm
I can totally relate to this piece! The piece was short, and to the point, with no fluff. I enjoyed it however short it may have been =]
TylynTyrannosaurus<3 (tydecker777)
Quote

5 posts


I tell the neophyte: Write a million words–the absolute best you can write, then throw it all away and bravely turn your back on what you have written. At that point, you’re ready to begin.
— David Eddings