The Lighthouse keepers children

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I have Dyslexia so I know full well I am not good at spelling or punctuation so PLEASE do not point out those errors. I am looking for reviews on content and characters, not grammar. Thank you. :D also I have been suffering from severe writers block and this is the fist completed thing I have write in almost a year, It's rough.....very rough.:D
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The lighthouse keepers children

Once upon a time long, long ago in a land so very far away, a lighthouse keeper lived on the shores of a wild and stormy sea of words. She lived there for such a very long time that no one could recall how long she had really been there. She lived in a old lighthouse that for almost always had been the guide for many a seafaring ship.

The sea of words was a very violent and turbulent sea, wild storms often buffeted the coast and at the end of each storm the lighthouse keeper would walk the storm strew beaches and try to see if anything had washed ashore.

On these excursions she would often find strange and curious things: odd shells or pieces of driftwood, and bottles with messages that she would always reply too

One brisk morning after a particularly bad storm the lighthouse keeper upon looking out one of the lighthouse windows saw three very curious things washed upon her beach. Of course she hurried out to investigate.

On the beach she found three curious things: a overturned giant sea turtle shell, a claw footed bathtub, a and a old icebox. In only took the Lighthouse keeper a moment to realize there were persons inside these things. Three small persons in fact. In the turtle shell a small boy with a crooked smile and pirate hat. In the bathtub a small girl with freckles on her nose and a wooden sword . And in the icebox a girl with cute dimples and a black and white cat.

The lighthouse keeper saw that the three children had lost their way on the sea of words in their strange crafts, she asked them what they were doing on the sea at so young an age. The boy said he wanted to be a great seafaring adventurer and do all sorts of different things. The first girl wanted to see the wonders of the sea. The second girl wanted to explore the sea of words.

Now the Lighthouse keeper didn't know how to be a sailor, but she took in the three children and taught them all she knew about the sea. They spent hours on the beach talking about the sea of words and learning about it and how it was a beautiful yet treacherous place. She taught them all about the lighthouse and each of them took turns tending to the lights.

Many years the lighthouse keeper taught the three children until they were no longer children but adults. Then one day they all said goodbye to the lighthouse keeper and went on to become who they had set out to be, ships captains.

The boy went out and tried his hands at everything he could. First a merchant ship, then a exploring ship, then a whaler, and lastly a pirate ship. For years he couldn't decide what kind of captain he wanted to be, this made him sad and he vanished for a time and no one knew what became of him.

The first girl became a navy captain and fought in a great and bloody war. She won all the battles she was in and the war was won but afterward she was confused and upset, she didn't like the life of a fighter. She hated is and the war and cost her, her innocence. She left the navy and gave up on the sea for a time.

The second girl fared better than the other two. She took her time and really thought about what she wanted. She tried a little of this and a little of that. She tried to be a riverboat captain, but she found that too boring. She tried to be a icebreaker captain but found that too frightening. She too became despondent and left the sea to take a holiday.

The Lighthouse keeper was sad to see her charges struggle so. but she knew that each challenge would make them stronger. She offered her advice, and her help. She praised their victories and pointed out where they could have done better, but only in the most gentle of terms. And because of her love and support the three little children at last found out what they wanted to be!

The boy realized that he wanted to be able to see and do many things so be became a trading ships captain. He was able to see distant lands and try many new things, he was not bound to just one.

The first girl realized that she was not made for war and wanted to see wonderful and innocent things, so she became a submarine captain. She saw the fantastical and often whimsical world of the under water realm.

The second girl after her holiday realized she liked a certain dose of danger with a side of melancholy, so she became a whaling ships captain. She loved the excitement of the chase, the danger of the fight and found the end of the whole ordeal sad yet strangely beautiful.

All three of the children became famous, known the world over for their bravery, kindness, and skill. Though their adventures took them far away from the lighthouse where they had started, they never forgot the lighthouse keeper and that it was because of her that they had all made it so far.
"D*** the torpedoes! Four bells! Full speed ahead!"~ Admiral David Farragut




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Hi :)
I found this story pleasantly curious. I love the poetic quality of it and the fairytale kind of style. I can't find anything wrong with it! And i'm sorry for that because i know it's hardly constructive but hopefully it's encouraging. I must admit when i read "once upon a time" i thought oh no but you proved me wrong. I love the idea of a light keeper of a sea of words, it's beautiful and puts enlightening images in my head. This isn't including the part about whaling which is horrible! But nonetheless this story is great. I know this is irrelevant but it kind of reminds me of the tale of the three brothers from the latest Harry Potter just because there are three and its kind of like a fairytale that follows the three throughout their lives. Well done :) i only found one spelling mistake anyway so no need to stress :P
"You grow, you grow like tornado
You grow from the inside
Destroy everything through
Destroy from the inside
Erupt like volcano
You flow from the inside
You kill everything through
You kill from the inside"




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It has a nice, light, airy kind of quality to it. My only gripe is that it's too straightforward. You speak of troubles and trials and difficulties, but we don't feel like it's difficult for them. The only thing we know about their struggles it "he tried one, didn't like it, tried another, didn't like it, tried a third, didn't like it." I think you should perhaps illustrate why these tasks were difficult. Even if it's just a sentence or two.

For example, for the first one:
Instead of
First a merchant ship, then a exploring ship, then a whaler, and lastly a pirate ship. For years he couldn't decide what kind of captain he wanted to be, this made him sad and he vanished for a time and no one knew what became of him.

You can say he wasn't good at captaining a merchant ship because...he was a terrible speaker, terrible at business, couldn't trust people, etc.
Couldn't do the exploring ship because he ventured north and couldn't handle the cold, got lost over and over again, etc.
Couldn't be a whaler because he felt too much compassion for the animals, cried when they died, and would secretly hope they got away.
Couldn't do the pirate ship because he felt sorry for the people they raided, didn't like to take their hard-earned goods, imagined them going home to their family empty-handed.
But of course, to go through all of those things would make it very long, so maybe you should just choose a couple and illustrate that. For example, whaler and pirate ship overlap some because it's about his compassion, so you could choose just one.

But anyway, that's a way you can illustrate to us the why and give us compelling reasons, instead of just saying, "He tried this, it didn't work."

Also, is there any reason why these children washed up on shore? And why they were in these strange items? (turtle shell, bathtub, icebox?)

Also, stories with the kind of whimsical air to it like this one often have some sort of lesson or message by the end of it. To tell such a straightforward story without a specific purpose feels a little weird. The message might be the manner in which the lighthouse keeper helped the children decide (without it being as plain and kind of boring as "offered her advice and praised their victories"). It's a fairy-tale kind of thing, so maybe she asks the help of the sea. The sea of words tumbles to the shore and spells it out for them, their future, their past, their lives. Because then, this would then be one of those stories that older folks tell their children so that they respect the sea of words. I dunno, I might be rambling.

I hope any of that endless rambling helped!




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Well, I really haven't done this in a while so I apologize if my review totally sucks.

Anyway, I really liked your piece of work, although I do somewhat agree with sargsauce. I think you could improve it if you gave more description and allow the readers to feel what the characters feel. Maybe not rush through it so fast and give it more substance.
I do like the style you wrote in though, it's sort of like a type of fable.

Sorry for the short and basically unhelpful review, but your piece was enjoyable. :D
A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.
~Albert Einstein

I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
~Anonymous

I am the author of my life. Unfortunately I'm writing in pen and I can't erase my mistakes. . .
~Anonymous



I was never insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.
— Edgar Allan Poe