Hush

don’t listen too closely
for she’s singing her Suicide song again
with a pocket full of posies
knotted through her belt loop
and ashes [ashes] powdered in her toes.
she’s too bruised for the midnight collision
of her lips and the Pavement
but she keeps running in circles – full tilt –
through the parking garage
looking for the X that marks the spot.
shattered bottles and the Hash Master’s skunky funk
have tattooed dark circles under her darker eyes.
but she keeps singing
and her suicide song is ringing
to the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb.

d Don’t listen too closely,
for she’s singing her Suicide song again
with a pocket full of posies
knotted through her belt loop
and ashes [ashes] powdered in her toes.
s She’s too bruised for the midnight collision
of her lips and the Pavement
but she keeps running in circles – full tilt –
through the parking garage
looking for the X that marks the spot.
s Shattered bottles and the Hash Master’s skunky funk
have tattooed dark circles under her darker eyes.
b But she keeps singing
and her suicide song is ringing
to the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb.

Haha I liked this immensely. Must say the corrections I made are highly suggested since I am no good at grammar nor poetry so....yup. I liked it and think you did a good job with your descriptions...I don't really know what else to say XD. Am wishing you good luck and Happy Writing! Keep up the good work and Sayonara!
Soulkana<3

d Don%u2019t listen too closely
for she%u2019s singing her Suicide song again Comma
with a pocket full of posies
knotted through her belt loop
and ashes [ashes] powdered in her toes.
s She%u2019s too bruised for the midnight collision
of her lips and the P pavement Comma
but she keeps running in circles %u2013 full tilt %u2013
through the parking garage Comma
looking for the X that marks the spot.
s Shattered bottles and the Hash Master%u2019s skunky funk
have tattooed dark circles under her darker eyes.
but she keeps singing
and her suicide song is ringing
to the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb.

This poem, all together, seemed quite, uh, morbid to me. Though I'm not one to like dark things like this, you wrote it very well, and kept me reading. So, wonderful job on catching my eyes. Also the whole po

I thought I'd throw you a review oh enemy of mine I like this. The lack of punctuation irks me somewhat but I'll leave that to you since it's a poet's personal chocie. A few comments on the lines themselves then:

don’t listen too closely
for she’s singing her Suicide song again [That for throws me somewhat. I think it's because 'f' is said with the front of the mouth while all these other beautiful words happen in the back or between the teeth. I'd suggest removing it and just linking the lines with a comma. That would leave a really beautiful flow.]
with a pocket full of posies
knotted through her belt loop [Good, strong image.]
and ashes [ashes] powdered in her toes.
she’s too bruised for the midnight collision
of her lips and the Pavement [Again, you've got some lovely imagery going on here, I can't fault this.]

And the rest is just really good. I love the tone to this and you've got some beautiful choices of words, an excellent darkness behind all these nursery rhyme references. It's very good. There's not really any suggestions I'd make other than that one I mentioned above and the punctuation so I shall leave you now. You can even have one of those star things I so rarely give out. Keep up the good work!

Heather xxx

I won't lie, I'm a very morbid and dark person this intriguies me, like, alot. But, yes this was beautifully written with nice, strong imagery and descriptions. This poem is simply breath taking to me. It's different and unique which really hooks me and keeps me reading. The emotions are imense and very evident in every word. Absolutely a wonderful job, and good luck on your future writes.

Lol this is good. Keep up the good work this is pretty cute.