Night Before Summer

My first try making a poem without rhyme, I'm not sure if I like it.
I would really appreciate it if someone took the time to review this, because I'm sure it needs a lot of work


Feel fresh cut grass tickle your toes
Fallow the savor of roses
Wind waltzing among emerald leafs
The weather is surely changing

Blue birds singing a lullaby
The bright sky is slowly fading
Look at the sun laying to rest
Listen to the ocean's story

Crickets count seconds until midnight
Capture this moment, make it last
Farewell spring for a little while
First day of summer has arrived

Hey there!!

I only have a few things to critique before I go on.

Feel fresh cut grass tickle your toes
Fallow the savor of roses
Wind waltzing among emerald leafs
The weather is surly changing I think that should be surely instead of surly.

Blue birds singing a lullaby
The bright sky is slowly fading
Look at the sun laying to rest
Listen to the oceans story Think it should be ocean's instead of oceans since its possession.

Crickets count seconds until midnight
Capture this moment, make it last
Farewell spring for a little while
First day of summer has arrived

That is all I found. Either way I loved it. I say it worked out well since it was your first attempt at not rhyming. Good job. I really liked ^^. Can't really say anything else for this since there's not much to say now. I loved it all and I can't say what's wrong and right it is just nice ^^ I can't wait to read more of your poems since I think it was good. If you need help or just for a revew just send a PM or post on my wall. I'll get to it as fast as I can. Keep up the good work and Buenas Suerte. Happy Writing and best of wishes.
Soulkana<3

Hello there! I'm Dover and I shall be reviewing you today.

I like how you did your best to capture the feel of the outdoors, but I feel like that there's a lot more that could be expanded on. We're given a list of nouns and adjectives to describe the environment, and while there's nothing inherently wrong with that I feel this poem would benefit if you experimented a bit more. Instead of coming out directly and saying that noun x has adjective y try to think of new and exciting ways to describe things. If the grass is tickling our toes what does the tickling feel like? Like a bug is crawling on them? How many bugs and what kinds? Do these bugs resemble anything other than their insect form? Can you build an analogy off of that? Will said analogy capture what feelings you want to convey to your audience?

As you can see there are an infinite amount of possibilities. Depending on how subtle you are this can add layers of meaning to your poem, leading to many different ways it can be interpreted, which is part of the fun of reading and writing poetry.

You should also pay a little more attention to your spelling. I'm not going to point out any of the mistakes because you need to learn how to spot them on your own, but I suggest that you consult a dictionary to make sure you're using the write right words since a spellchecker won't pick up everything.

While I am on the topic of English mechanics it's also important to pay attention to grammar and punctuation. Right now there is no punctuation to speak of and I feel like I must read each stanza in one breath. I'm not sure if this was intentional but in case it wasn't you need to determine where the reader is supposed to stop and assign proper punctuation. You can also experiment with the placement of punctuation and read it aloud to see how it sounds with different arrangements. This also applies to vocabulary since different words sound different due to their natural stresses. Remember that poetry was meant to be read aloud and it should sound natural when it is, regardless of whether the poem rhymes or not.

All in all I think this could be a good poem, but it's just a little bland right now. If you want your poems to make an emotional impact then it needs a personal touch from the author, something that makes all the imagery come alive. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with writing a poem like the way you have, but I didn't feel a real connection with it and what you were trying to describe. Poetry is capable of being a very personal art form where one can really see who the author is as a person if they look deep enough. I've made a few suggestions on how you can achieve this but it's up to you to determine whether or not they will serve your needs.

I hope this helps! If you have any questions feel free to send me a message.

--Dover