With no tears

Cry me a river,
the water wont make me shiver.
You're the reason my lips quiver.
Feeding my addiction,
All my affliction caused by you.

Don't show me a drink,
a pill,
or a party,
because everyone knows I'll be there.
Pulling out my hair,
But with drunken dignity I'll face my fears.
With no tears.

Press against me with pride,
Don't expect my feelings to hide,
I despise you, because you think your my love affair.
When really all you are is my despair.
Press against me with pride,
and I'm not your bride,
I hope you wash away in the tide.

Cry me a river,
the water wont make me shiver.
You're the reason my lips quiver.
Feeding my addiction,
All my affliction caused by you.

--NewFace

Cry me a river,
the water wont make me shiver.
You're the reason my lips quiver.
You intoxicate my liver.
Feeding my addiction,
All of my affliction caused by you.

Don't show me a drink,
a pill,
or a party,
because everyone knows I'll be there.
Pulling out my hair,
But with drunken dignity I'll face my fears.
With no tears.

Press against me with pride,
Don't expect my feelings to hide,
I despise you, because you think you're my love affair.
When really all you are is my despair.
Press against me with pride,
and I'm not your bride,
I hope you wash away in the tide.

Cry me a river,
the water wont make me shiver.
Your the reason my lips quiver.
You intoxicate my liver.
Feeding my addiction,
All of my affliction caused by you

That was all I could find. Just remember the contractions for you're instead of your. That was all I could find gammarly wrong with it. I really liked third stanza a lot. Good luck Anyways I really liked this and I enjoyed reading it. It had nice description and meaning, in my opinion. Keep up the good work. Best of wishes and Happy Writing. Sayonara.
Soulkana<3

Hey, Boo here!

Cry me a river,
the water wont make me shiver.
You're the reason my lips quiver.
You intoxicate my liver. This line seems so forced really annoys me. Intoxicate my liver?..... I don't know... I just really don't like it.
Feeding my addiction,
All of my affliction caused by you.All of my is a bit wordy. Try just, "All my".

Thats all. You need to work on making some of your lines not sound forced. Other then that I have nothing. Good job! I could really feel the emotion burning in the poem.

Any questions PM me or post on my wall!
- Boo

I'm not really sure what I think of this. It seems like it's all about getting drunk or high and doing some not so moral things while there drunks. Okay... It was written really well, though. Aside from the point of the poem, you did keep the flow and rhythm. Kudos for that!

I enjoyed the rhythm of this poem if not some of the wording. "Intoxicate my liver" just doesn't even sound right I won't lie it was very abrupt and lacked the subtly other lines had.On the whole though the rhythm of the poem itself was intoxicating it should have been a song but makes for a great poem.

I really liked this, it had nice imagery, wording and descriptions. It painted a clear and vivid picture in my mind so great job on that. Anyways, wonderful job and good luck on future writes.