Sometimes (working title) Chapter five

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Once again, I love all of you who have taken the time to help me by reviewing or reading this novel. I appreciate the support and I really need it now. This chapter is making my head hurt. I don't like it but I can't think why :( I know not much happens, but I'd really love your suggestions and thoughts. Thanks!


I watched with wary eyes as Mr. Henderson turned back to the white board.

“Well at least they’re talking again,” Cassie said, offering me a smile.

I shrugged and tried to focus on copying down the assignment. So far this lesson I’d barely managed to answer any of the questions that had been set. I’d tried to keep my mind on the battle of Hastings, but Cassie wouldn’t stop asking me about the fight that had happened the night before.

“They are talking, right?” she asked.

“If you count my dad asking Leanne to pass him the milk then yes, they’re talking,” I replied, scribbling down the last of the homework.

“I don’t reckon my mum will go off the handle like your dad did, when she finds out about my belly piercing, I mean,” Cassie said.

I bit my lip at the nervous look on her face. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, it’ll be alright.” She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear with a sideways glance at me. “If not, I’ll come and live with you.”

“You can share a room with Leanne. You both seem to have a reckless streak in you.”

“You’re just jealous you don’t have the nerve to be spontaneous,” Cassie said.

I raised my eyebrows at her.

“Don’t look so surprised,” she said. “I’m just being truthful.”

“Oh no,” I replied. “It’s not that. I’m just surprised you know what spontaneous means.”

Cassie pouted before pinching my arm. “Nice way to treat your friend.”

I was about to reply when the bell rang. Cassie gathered all of her things into her bag and made for the door. Sighing, I stuffed my notebook under my arm and ran after her.

I caught her up a few classrooms down.

“You know, you did basically call me boring.”

Cassie huffed and swung her bag onto her shoulder, narrowly missing hitting me in the stomach with it.

I stuck my tongue out at the back of her head. “Fine then. |Be that way.”

“I’m not being anyway.” She stopped in the middle of the busy corridor and turned around to face me. “I don’t care if I called you boring. You called me dumb.”

I rolled my eyes and pulled her out of the way of passing students. “Cass, I was joking.”

“No, H. I’ve had it with people calling me dumb just because I’m blonde.”

I bit the side of my cheek to keep from laughing but Cassie narrowed her eyes at me.

“What?”

“Nothing,” I replied. “I mean, it’s just that you’re not actually blonde.”

Cassie slapped her hand over my mouth so suddenly that it knocked me backwards into the wall.

“Don’t say it so loud. What if Mike hears? He’ll never date me if he finds out I’m a bottle blonde.”

“Ihavetogettoclass.”

Cassie frowned. “What?”

I pulled her hand away from my face just as the bell rang again, signalling that we needed to get to our next lesson. “I said, I have to get to class.”

“Oh,” she said. “Yeah. I’ll meet you after college then.”

“Bye, Cassie,” I said.

She waved before heading towards the Drama classrooms. She definitely took the right class there.

***

I didn’t notice Aiden was sitting next to me in English until the register was taken. Aiden’s reply to his name being called made me jump and I tried to pass it off as a yawn.

I’d been thinking over what Cassie had said. For some reason, her calling me boring seemed to irritate me. For one, if I was that boring, why did she bother to hang out with me? Besides, I had other friends apart from her. I’d sat next to Lara every English lesson, at least before the seating plan had been implemented.

“What are you thinking about?” Aiden asked.

I snapped my head up and turned to look at him. “Huh?”

“You were gazing at your notebook like it had just called you ugly.”

“Really? Oh. Well, I was just thinking about something that one of my friends said to me.”

“Well if what they said made you shoot daggers at your stationary like that, then they can’t really be a friend.”

I shook my head. “This particular friend doesn’t think before she opens her mouth.”

“Oh. I used to have a mate like that.” He smiled. “They’re never good to have around when you’re in trouble.”

I pictured Cassie being forced to lie on the spot. Yeah, not going to happen.

The conversation seemed to end and I focused on setting to work on today’s assignment. Mr. Lloyd wanted us to come up with reasons for and against one of two subjects. My mind whirled into action and before long, I was writing bullet points down the length of my page. I couldn’t help noticing the way Aiden’s pen hadn’t moved from where he had it hovering above the date.

“So you work at ‘Retro shack?’”

Well, was I behind the counter when you came in on Saturday? I nodded and continued on with the work. Great, my new desk buddy is as bad at studying as Cassie.

“I’d love to work there. It’s got such a cool vibe.”

I dropped my pen onto the desk and looked up at him. “Yeah, it’s pretty great there.”

Aiden smiled at my response. “So how long have you known Leanne?”

“My whole life,” I replied.

“Really?” Aiden looked surprised. “So does she like live on the same street as you or something?”

“She’s my sister.”

His eyes widened. “Get out! No way.”

“Yes way.”

“But you’re so.” He hesitated.

“Different?” I offered.

He nodded.

“People say we have the same hazel eyes, but I guess the similarities stop there.” I looked away when I realised that Aiden was staring at my eyes as if to verify what I’d just said. “She’s so rock and roll and I’m just… Me.”

“So you know she asked me to play bass in her band then?”

I smiled at him. “Yeah, she said you’d filled in for them at the gig at ‘The Rooster.’”

“I couldn’t believe it when they asked me. I mean, I only know Sonny through his brother, Kai. We’ve been best mates since pre-school. We were thinking about starting our own band actually, ‘cause he plays drums, but then Sonny asked me to play and I couldn’t exactly say no.”

The mention of Sonny made my stomach spin and I had to look down at my half done assignment in case I was blushing. “Cool. You going to say yes then?”

“I reckon so. I can’t really see any reasons not to join. You know, Sonny reckons they, I mean we, could get scouted soon. Imagine that, being famous.”

I nodded with tight lips. Leanne didn’t shut up about the chance of her making it big with the band.

“Do you go to rehearsals at all?”

I looked back up at him. “Very rarely. I’m usually busy with dance classes or work.”

“You should come tonight. It’s my first official band practise.”

I smiled. “I’ll see if I have time.”

I could bring Cassie along too. Her and Aiden might even hit it off; they both seem to be able to talk for England.

***

I soon learned that Aiden wasn’t always so chatty. He barely managed to smile at me as I arrived at band practise that evening. Cassie still seemed to be in a bad mood as she followed me into the basement of the house that Roz and Warren shared; they come from a pretty rich family and their parents had brought them a house for their eighteenth birthdays.

“Well that was rude of him,” Cassie said. “The least he could do was say hi, especially since you caught him looking at your chest.”

“Cass, I already told you that was a mistake,” I replied.

“Whatever,” she said with a sigh. “Can we sit down somewhere? My feet hurt.”

I looked down at her boots. “It would probably help if you were wearing the right size shoes.”

“I am.” She frowned at me. “I’ve always been a size five.”

We reached the couch and I pulled Cassie down next to me. “You haven’t been a size five for three years.”

Her frown deepened. “Says the girl whose fringe is basically taking over her face.”

I flicked my hair out of my eyes. “Ouch.”

“You deserved it.” She gave me a sarcastic smile before gazing off in the opposite direction. “Why are we here anyway?”

“I told you on the way over. I mentioned to Leanne that Aiden asked me to come and she thought it was a good idea. Besides, I haven’t heard the new song that she’s so hyped about.”

“Rock music hurts my ears,” Cassie complained as she turned back to face me. “If I have a headache tomorrow then I’m blaming you.”

I gave up trying to have a worthwhile conversation with Cassie and watched the band set up instead. Roz and my sister were talking in the corner while Warren built his keyboard stand. Aiden looked like he was listening carefully as Sonny pointed things out to him, like where the plug sockets and stage positions were.

I felt myself going off into a daydream as I rested my eyes on Sonny. He was wearing a black t-shirt and I could just make out the parts of his tattoo that weren’t hidden beneath his sleeve. I could see the ever present packet of cigarettes hanging out of the back pocket of his jeans and noticed the lighter resting on top of his amp. I could only understand every couple of words that he was saying to Aiden as Roz began drumming out a rhythm on the base drum and the sound of his voice was pleasant in my ears. For so long I’d seen him as my sister’s best friend, but now I was starting to see him as Sonny; the bad boy rocker.

A smile appeared on my face as Leanne approached and I tried to make it look as if it was directed at her instead of at the thought of her best friend.

“Hey sis.” She glanced at Cassie. “Having fun?”

I nodded. “I can’t wait to hear this new song.”

Leanne perched on the arm of the couch and I couldn’t help noticing the glare Cassie was giving her.

“Does it sound like your other stuff?” I asked.

“Yeah, though this is a bit heavier,” she replied.

Cassie looked less than pleased at Leanne’s answer; her scowl returned and I immediately regretted bringing her here.

“Leanne! Come show me your tattoo,” Roz shouted.

Leanne got up before turning back to look at me. “Do you need a ride home, ‘cause I’ll head to Sonny’s house if not?”

I glanced quickly at Cassie. “That’s okay. We’ll probably get the bus back.”

“Okay. Laters.”

I watched as Leanne skipped off to show Roz her tattoo. Squeals of approval could be heard as I shifted on the sofa so that I was facing Cassie.

“How’s the piercing?”

Cassie’s bad mood seemed to lift at once and I had a feeling it was because the attention was back on her.

“It’s good actually. I took the plaster off and it isn’t red or crusty at all.” She lifted her t-shirt up and I peered at the red gem in her stomach.

“It looks okay. It doesn’t hurt at all?”

Cassie shook her head and laughed. “God, H. You are so sensible.”

It was my turn to frown now. “So everyone keeps saying,” I mumbled.

Cassie didn’t appear to hear. Instead, she started telling me about the website she’d found that had loads of jewellery for belly button piercings. I lost interest when she got to the part about her top five favourite designs and I found my attention wandering back to Sonny.

He was standing at the microphone now, watching as Leanne showed him her lyrics sheet. His eyes were travelling down the page with interest and my heart thumped louder as I got lost in their deep coffee colour. He was biting his lip and I took it that he was concentrating on what Leanne was telling him, but I wasn’t concentrating on anything except for the sensation of what his lips would feel like on mine.

“H!” Cassie hissed and I almost jumped out of my skin.

I whirled around to face her, an apologetic smile on my bright red face. “Sorry, Cass. I was listening.”

“Yeah, right. You were too busy staring at Sonny.”

I clamped my hand over her mouth. “Not too loud then.”

The music started up then and I was glad of the distraction though Cassie kept sending me meaningful looks all the way through their performance. I tried to enjoy the rhythm and the lyrics, but once again my eyes were drawn towards the guitarist. Sonny’s fingers moved expertly over the strings and frets and I felt myself sigh in admiration.

“Try not to drool.”

I shot Cassie a dirty look. “I’m just watching.”

“You sighed,” she added pointedly.

“And?” I asked, feeling defensive.

“And you might as well start cheering for him. Go on, I’d love to see his face if you stood up and shouted his name.”

“Thanks for the support, Cass,” I said.

She smiled. “That’s okay, H. Can we go now?”

Their performance ended and Cassie was up out of her seat in an instant. I followed with less enthusiasm, but I knew that I had to go. I didn’t want to get caught staring at Sonny again, especially not with the whole band present.

“Hey, Leanne. We’re gonna get going.”

Leanne’s face fell slightly. “Did you like the song?”

“Yeah, it was brilliant.” I could sense Cassie hovering behind me impatiently so I leaned in closer to Leanne. “Cassie’s just feeling a bit sick. You know, PMS.” At least that would explain why she was in a foul mood.

Leanne nodded. “Okay, sure. See you later?”

“I’ll be in my room, slaving over my English assignment,” I replied.

“I’ll see you in English, Harriet,” Aiden said, appearing from behind Leanne.

I smiled. I’d forgotten that he was here; I’d been paying too much attention to Sonny. “Yeah, see you.”

Cassie and I headed straight to the bus stop. It was half eight and my stomach was rumbling. I’d met Cassie straight from my dance class and neither of us had eaten since lunch time, unless you counted the bag of jelly beans that Cassie had found at the bottom of her hand bag.

I wrapped my scarf around my neck and shuffled next to Cassie for warmth. She was wearing a thick grey hoody and I envied how warm she looked. It was late November and the cold weather had finally banished all of my skirts and vest tops to the back of the wardrobe. The sky had been deceptively blue this morning so I’d only chosen a cardigan to wear, but now it was evening, I could feel the chill penetrating my clothes. I shivered and thought back to how warm it had been in the basement. Going back was especially appealing since Sonny would still be there.

“Ooh! It’s our bus!” Cassie flung her arm out and the bus ground to a halt, spitting out fumes that made me cough. “Quick, I bet it’s warm inside.”

We paid our fares and I followed Cassie to the back of the empty bus, falling into a seat as the driver pulled out of the bus stop with a judder.

“Do you reckon we’ll be home in time for Zelda King’s show?” Cassie asked, routing around in her bag. She pulled out her phone. “It’s on at nine.”

I shrugged and rubbed my hands together, glad of the heat coming from the vents. “Would it be the end of the world if you missed it?”

“She’s talking about her latest holiday tonight,” she said, tapping at her phone. “Did you see the pictures? I would have loved to have gone to the Caribbean. All that sun and sand. All those cute surfer guys.”

“You can always watch it on catch up,” I said.

“Yeah, but I just know that it’s going to be a great episode.” Cassie dropped her phone back into her bag and turned to me with wide eyes. “She met her latest boyfriend there, you know.”

“Good for her.”

I felt Cassie pinch my arm. “H, the least you could do is sound interested.”

“I am interested. I just don’t think the world revolves around Zelda King and her amazing life,” I said.

I heard Cassie mumble ‘jealous’ under her breath. “Fine then, we’ll talk about something you are interested in.”
'Stop wishing for the sunshine. Start living in the rain.' - Kids In Glass Houses.

'Would you destroy something perfect in order to make it beautiful?' - MCR artwork.




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Anna, I'm here!

Ok, as usual, I love your writing. I found one mistake, when you said that Roz and Warren's parents 'brought' them a house, it should have been 'bought'.

Can I be honest? Cassie really bothers me. I mean, as a friend, I find there's no redeeming her. Is that done on purpose? If yes, kudos to you! If not, I'd work on making her worth being around. Because right now, I really don't see why H would put up with her.

Anywho, the dialogue and description was great. It's true that not much happens, but I liked getting to know Aiden and H drooling over Sonny :D We've all done that :D

I would maybe suggest writing a small recap of your previous chapter because it took me a minute or two to figure out where I was in the story.

Well, another great chapter, keep up the great work!

Tanya :D




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Hi xDudettex! So like Borntobeawriter I suggest you recap what has happened in the previous chapters. It will help you get more reviews on later chapters and it will help reviewers, like me, criticize your work.

O.K. so this was really good, and that is saying something because I usually don't like romances or pieces with a lot of dialogue. I still think it needs a bit more description breaking up that speech. It is my biggest problem with the chapter. Besides that there isn't very many other problems I can point. I did notice that lot of the time you do your speech wrong though.

For example you did:

“Oh no,” I replied. “It’s not that. I’m just surprised you know what spontaneous means.”

Cassie pouted before pinching my arm. “Nice way to treat your friend.”

I was about to reply when the bell rang. Cassie gathered all of her things into her bag and made for the door. Sighing, I stuffed my notebook under my arm and ran after her.


When the correct way to write it would be:

“Oh no,” I replied. “It’s not that. I’m just surprised you know what spontaneous means.” Cassie pouted before pinching my arm.

“Nice way to treat your friend.” I was about to reply when the bell rang. Cassie gathered all of her things into her bag and made for the door. Sighing, I stuffed my notebook under my arm and ran after her.


Unless you are starting a new paragraph then you want to put any description right after the speech. Don't hit enter first. When you have a different character speak then you hit enter. Do you see what I mean?

If you have any questions just P.M. me. I wish I could help you more, but your writing is really good!

Thanks,

A. S.




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Hello Dudette!

You know how I work by now... So I'll begin. :)
So far this lesson comma, I’d barely managed to answer any of the questions that had been set.

“Fine then. |Be that way.”

I'm not sure what the bare is... But whatever it is, you don't need it. :)
“I’d love to work there. Its got such a cool vibe.”

“She’s so rock and roll and I’m just… Me.”

“So you know she asked me to play bass in her band then?”

Oh... That's harsh. Maybe I'm just too much of a girl, but if I said that to a guy, I would expect him to say that it wasn't true and that I'm still cool in my own way. ;)

I think the problem with this chapter is that it's dragging on and on. We know who the love interrest is, but there's no real plot yet, right? It's the fifth chapter though, so we should be at least close to it. I hope it's coming in the next chapter. You can always introduce it and then carry on with the story, like the chapters you are doing right now. Because we need chapters like that to get to know the characters and such, but I think it will be time, or at least close to it, to carry on with the story and introduce the conflict. :)

Also, like Born To Be A Writer said, Cassie isn't really a character that's lovable. Their relationship really looks like H is giving a lot, but she's not having a lot in return... I'm not sure if it's meant to be that way, but if not, then work on it and make it seem like a better relationship.

Apart from that, it's great! Another good chapter. ;)

Keep on writing!

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466




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I'm finally here! :D

Sorry it's taken me a while to get to this. First week back in school. Busy, busy, eh? Hopefully, this review will be worth the wait though, eh? If not, I do apologise. x3

THE PINK CHAPTER! Yippee! Hah, okiee, so this was another good chapter, Dudette! I really like the whole vibe of this story. It's kind of hard to explain, but the novel has a nice atmosphere, you know? It's not awkward to read or anything, and everything's set out rather nicely, methinks. I'm liking a lot of things in this right now, and considering this is the pink chapter, it makes me love it even more. ;) Enough of me and my discussing your amazingness though. I better get to some critiques!

The main thing that's standing out to me right now is something that's already been said by Otherone. There's no real obvious plot yet, and we are quite a few chapters in. There are obviously some things that have plot potential. Judging by what the plot thingy says on the novel page of this and also my guessing techniques, I think Leanne's going to end up being in a relationship with Sonny and H will be like D: I have the feeling Aiden has fallen/will fall for H, and they may end up together. That's the only kind of plot I can really think of right now, and I could be completely wrong anyway. Buuuut, do you get what I mean? There's no clear indication to as of what the main plot is yet.

This may partly be a personal thing because I have a screwed up mind and like loads of things happening... especially violence... but considering someone else has mentioned it, I do think you need to be thinking about the plot some more. Or at least hint at some more things, you know? If you think about it, since chapter one, nothing major has really happened. I mean, Cassie's had her belly button pierced, Leanne's had a row with their father and we've seen some light scenes involving every day life really. Nothing outstandingish, if that makes any sense. Personally, I don't find this is true, but for others, they may be edging on saying that it's getting a little boring. Just something to think about, I guess.

Another thing that I thought of was actually triggered by something you'd written in the chapter itself. You mentioned Harriet thinking about one of her other friends besides Cassie. The thing is, except for Cassie, we haven't seen or met any of her other friends. They always seem to be together, and never really with anyone else. There's nothing wrong with that, I guess, but I'm sure they'd spend time with some other guys too, right? I guess you could count Aiden as one, but they don't really hang out as such. Mind you, I'm not exactly one to talk because in my own novel so far, I've only really shown Charlie with Austin (Jax as well, but he's not exactly a close buddy...), and only Beth with Zoey. That's beside the point though. xD If you have any scenes coming up that involve Cassie and H hanging out, maybe you could throw in some other characters too. Obviously, not just for the sake of it--give them purpose--but just to add more flavour, I guess. It's up to you though really, in the end.

Negatives aside, I am genuinely enjoying this novel! You've got some sound characters (yes, even Cassie, despite a few people finding her annoying. What can I say? I must like annoying.), your grammar is good, the story's easy to flow in general, and the flow is lovely. Also, minus the slight slow progression with the plot, the pacing in this is comfortable. So yeah! So far, so good! :D

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins
I didn't know what to put here so I put this.



Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.
— Corrie Ten Boom