Atlas

Okay, this is pretty much a Percy Jackson And The Olympians: The Titan's Curse Fanfiction poem that I posted because I was bored. I'm not good at poetry, but I decided to take a shot at it. Here goes nothing. The girl; Artimis who was captured and I believe took the sky from Annabeth's hands. But I read that book a few years ago.

Atlas

Stumbling from her weary feet,
she sits on her knees,
facing the wind,
the world in her hands.

Selfish Atlas at the peak,
he stands on tired feet,
relieved of his burden,
the girl's life in his hands.

Unlikely hero looks to defeat
and rescue the girl,
Anaklusmos in hand,
Bravely he stands.

Foolish Atlas, becoming weak,
he sits on his knees,
facing the wind,
the sky in his hands.

Hmmm. Am thinking... What I noticed is you started with Annabeth with the world in her hands and end with Atlas with the sky in his hands. Is that supposed to be like that?

Unlikely hero looks to defeat,
and save the girl.
Riptide in hand,
Bravely he stands.

This is the only paragraph that seems it's a little choppy. The flows a bit roughly. I can't really think right now but it's a pretty decent poem. Especially for a fan-fiction poem. ( Never heard of one of those.)

Thanks, and yeah i've never heard of a fan fiction poem either. : D

This is actually a very nice poem; it uses a lot of good metaphors and is the first example of a fanfiction poem I've come across. But the meter is a bit off. Not much time, sorry, gotta go! See you and nice work. ^^

Hi there. Lavvi in to review your poem today.

I'm not familiar with the Percy Jackson books, but I thought your poem really captured the essence of a god's (or demi-god's?) duties. I think. I was happy that your punctuation was pretty much without error: I've already had to deal with a few lacking-punctuation poems so far. It was a great relief.

Unlikely hero looks to defeat,
and rescue the girl,

The only thing that was bothersome to me was, after the word "defeat", I don't think a comma (,) is appropriate/needed. It breaks up the sentence and the fluidity of the poem seems to stumble slightly with the misplaced comma.

Yours,
Lavvi

Thanks guys! Appreciate the reviews!

Love,

Teardrop

It isn't "pretty much", it is a fanfiction poem and I must applaud you for writing it. Luckily I've read the book... One recommendation... Anaklusmos instead of Riptide? The Greek name would make it feel more epic and awesome and such. It would also add a small, unique touch to the poem.

^_^ Yeah, good idea! Thank you!!

I liked this. I thought this was great. I also read the Percy Jackson and The Olmypians series and loved it. So I liked this too. Keep Writing!!!

Let me first say I'm a huge fan of the Percy Jackson books. They're creative, hilarious, well-written, and have great characters. I think this poem is a good tribute to such a series. I think of it as like a ballad. Very well done! Now, into details....

Stumbling from her weary feet,
she sits on her knees,
facing the wind,
the world in her hands.

Selfish Atlas at the peak,
he stands on tired feet,
relieved of his burden,
the girl's life in his hands.

These two verses next to each other are so different and yet so similar at the same time. I like it! In the first verse, you have a girl, weary and worn, holding the world (even though Atlas doesn't actually hold the world, but I think it's more poetic here). Then you have Atlas, standing there watching her hold it, exasperated but glad to be relieved of the burden. They're both tired and holding something heavy, but very different things. How's that for dramatic irony? Haha.

Foolish Atlas, becoming weak,
he sits on his knees,
facing the wind,
the sky in his hands.

I like this last verse very much, because it wraps it up with irony and finality. Atlas, who was just standing and gloating over someone else holding the load, is now forced to his knees to take it up again. Ha, take that arrogance! haha. Anyway, the rhyme scheme of the whole piece is great, and really brings it along to this ending verse. I like the whole recurring theme of hands and facing the wind. Really good imagery and recurring words make it sound very poetic. Excellent tribute to an excellent book! Normally I don't like fanfiction, but I guess everything has a good version

Like I said, great poem, and keep on writing well! Ever need a review or advice or such, I'm always available for PMs and comments! haha
- SOCKS

Thanks so much!