Messages

Messages
In the air
In our hair
And Everywhere
Lingering from lips
Like drip drops of melted chocolate
Seeping, oozing
Through cracks of s’mores
And broken hearts

Messages, messages
Chasing us in our cars
Pulling into driveways
Garages
And into our homes
Where we go to rest
Every night
Head cradled gently
In the holds of a pillow

Messages, messages
In my eyes
And as I look into yours
My finger tracing your lips
Memorizing their shape
So I can find them
When it is dark
And when I am
Afraid

Messages
Left on my answering machine
Telling me to call you
But I am preoccupied
With my youth
This excitement of loving
I am a lung all filled up
With oxygen
And carbon
Full of this sort of living

Hi I'm pointe, and i am here to tear apart your poem sing praises of your poem

MessagesIn the air,
In our hair,
And Everywhere.
Lingering from lips,
Like drip drops of melted chocolate.
Seeping, oozing
Through cracks of s’mores.
And broken hearts,
Messages, messages.
Chasing us in our cars.
Pulling into driveways,
Garages.
And into our homes,
Where we go to rest
Every night.
Head cradled gently,
In the holds of a pillow.
Messages, messages.
In my eyes,
And as I look into yours.
My finger tracing your lips,
Memorizing their shape.
So I can find them,
When it is dark.
And when I am
Afraid.
Messages,
Left on my answering machine,
Telling me to call you.
But I am preoccupied.
With my youth
This excitement of loving.
I am a lung all filled up,
With oxygen,
And carbon,
Full of this sort of living.

This reminds me of an owl city song. In fact its that good! congrats on that.
I fixed your grammar, becuase it was really bugging me. Okay.


So this is really good. I'm very impressed. VERYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY impressed. Good Job. I can't say that enough. goooodddd joooobbbb
talk to you later!
~pointe

Other than the punctuation (already dealt with) I really liked this poem. Keep up the good work

I think you have a really good poem here! What I like most about this is the chaotic blend of elements. Normally, I'd say this is all too much, but it works with the subject matter and the chaos of messages in real life. Phone messages, text messages, email messages, verbal messages, all kinds of words and messages! So much to keep track of, I have trouble with it sometimes! Anyway, I like this poem a lot, and if you're already fixing the punctuation like your first review said, I think it's really good! Keep up the wonderful writing, and if you ever want another review, advice, or just a kind word, I'm only a Pm away!
- SOCKS