Walls

Spoiler

This is about my brother. He's been having problems in school and I'm a major eavesdropper. >:D

"You're just a wall sometimes," Mother explains.
She attempts to tame a wild hair soaring loose
in the center of one of his numerous cowlicks.
"You've got to learn how to let everyone in."

He denies the tears of intimidating stress--
you could see the monstrous anxiety clouding his brain
as he tried to process everything around him--
he locked expression behind his wall.

Rogue patterns of imagination frame his right brain.
Unable to lie to the world, to channel curiosity,
to let the world come flying in through even
the tiniest keyhole in his vast wall.

Denial. Tears. Lecture.

"I'm just not... curious," He stutters.
I want to find a chisel, to hack into his brain
and feed everything I posses to strengthen him
piece by piece; to fill the void he can't cross alone.

The only medicine to prescribe is sympathy.

The way to get down to the core
without stirring his anxious mind
without comparing him to myself
without upsetting the slipshod peace.

I wish I understood more.

This poem is so capturing i couldn't stop reading. it has a real story to it and it flowed really well. nothing else to say.

Hi Pecan!

This is really good. I like the metaphor here/ it's one we so often use in life and can relate to. However I feel as if it might be a bit too common, but that's for you to decide. If you're having some feelings too, why not add a little flare to it? Why not change it from a wall to something else? Like gravity, perhaps? How it always keeps you down, always keeps you from the stars (the stars is commonly used as a symbol for dreams).

you could see the monstrous anxiety clouding his brain.

There are too many words here, in my opinion. I'd get rid of monstrous, since that word is a little childish sounding, and this line is just flooded with syllables.

"I'm just not... curious," He stutters.

To me, this line would be a lot stronger without the 'he shutters.' I think we can assume it's him saying it, if you put it into context. By the way, when did the curiosity factor come in? The last bit of dialogue we hear is the mother telling him he's like a wall. A little explanation about the conversation and how it got to here would be cool!

Overall

This was a great poem. I like how it's easy to relate to. I guess I can see myself as your brother, and my sister as you. I'm more of the reserved one while she's loud and obnoxious (not saying that you're obnoxious. xD) I also like the simplicity of it. I like how you didn't try to overcrowd it with metaphors and moral lessons. You left us to figure out the rest, and I find that more interesting than a poem that tells you everything.

Keep writing,

Classy

helloo
beautiful poem/story!!! you captured those feelings really well!! I don't have any criticism..
I just really enjoyed readig this
nice work!!
-qaralynn-