Lucifer

Like a shadow he enters my realm, my solitude
Darkening my thoughts and purging the light.
He whispers harsh, seductive, daring words
Pulling me to desperate action.
Planting a scene of scarlet blood
How marvelous the wonder,
How it longs to escape the captive body.
He lounges in my space, nesting like a vulture
Cackling, ridiculing, clawing for result.
Lucifer, he's called
With out a body to control
Oh, how he burns to make me pull the trigger,
Take a life
Take her life...
No, I say
You can't drag me down.
He strokes my cheek, moves in next door
Waiting, Watching, never giving up.

If you were going for an eerie tone, you certainly achieved it. Even though the protagonist (is it a protagonist in a poem?) denies Lucifer, I thought that these lines --

How marvelous the wonder,
How it longs to escape the captive body.

-- reflect a sort of innate but hidden curiosity concerning violence that people have. Scary. The ending was a little too abrupt I thought, but otherwise I like this.

Hey,
Sorry I am so late with your request, but I was out visiting universities Any who I am back, and I really liked this poem. It paints a picture so perfectly and the imagery is on point. My only nit-pick was that maybe you should break it up in to stanzas or center it in the middle of the page.

Thanks for requesting a review I'll be on to the next poems you asked a review for, but if you need any others or any help feel free to PM or write on my wall.
P.S the links worked good job.

Have a good day,
Tiffany

Wow, this is really effective. It has an almost eerie feeling to it, it's really cool!

Like a shadow he enters my realm, my solitude
Darkening my thoughts and purging the light.
He whispers harsh, seductive, daring words
Pulling me to desperate action.
Planting a scene of scarlet blood Great imagery!
How marvelous the wonder,
How it longs to escape the captive body.
He lounges in my space, nesting like a vulture
Cackling, ridiculing, clawing for result.
Lucifer, he's called
With out a body to control
Oh, how he burns to make me pull the trigger,
Take a life
Take her life... This part is breathtaking!
No, I say I love the italicized words here! Very cool.
You can't drag me down.
He strokes my cheek, moves in next door
Waiting, Watching, never giving up. Uncapatalize watching.

I wouldn't change much. This poem was written really well and it's very emotional. Keep up the good work!

Hey, your poem intrigues me so i am giving you a large review

Like a shadow he enters my realm,Change to semi colon my solitude Period
Darkening my thoughts andI think if you replaced and with a comma it would add to the franticness behing the idea. purging the light.
He whispers harsh, seductive, daring wordscomma then start the next line with which (my opinion)Pulling me to desperate action.
Planting a scene of scarlet bloodThis line and the line before don't seem to flow together, I would suggest trying a different way to start this line, i think it's the word plant.
How marvelous the wonder,
How it longs to escape the captive body.PERFECT
He lounges in my space, nesting like a vulture
Cackling, ridiculing, clawing for result.I think these free create three different types of imagery when two would be suffice, ridiculing i think you could change for something else
Lucifer, he's calledI think put Lucifer by it's self on it's own line with he's called...adds emphasis
With out a body to control
Oh, how he burns to make me pull the trigger,change to period
Take a lifeperiod again or semi colon
Take her life...
No, I saycould you swap say for much violent imagery as it is lucifer you're arguing with
You can't drag me down.
He strokes my cheek, moves in next door
Waiting, Watching, never giving up.

Okay everything is just a suggestion but i think if you split it into three stanza's, just the word Lucifer being the second it would be a lot stronger piece and also more eye catching.

Remeber everything is just a suggestion

If you need anything let me know.

~Retro Disco666