The Man-Poet

The Poet, more than any artist, has his work cut out for him. Firstly, there is nothing manly about rhyming lines, and it's a total hoax that girls find poets all romantic and sexy. Secondly, songwriters have made poetry look easy. Just because you can put "la la la" in there doesn't mean you're a real writer, cough-Jason Mraz-cough. Thirdly, we have a rap for being depressed emo types venting our lame teenage emotions on poorly designed writing websites for the sole purpose of making others feel sorry for us.

On behalf of manpoets everywhere, I'd like to rebut all points.

1. I bench-press 280 pounds and my girlfriend calls me her studmuffin.

2. My collection of poetry, dating back to the fifth grade, illustrates the beauty and flexibility of the English language while not once resorting to "la la la" or "dooby dooby doo."

3. I have no screen name on any such website, and my manly, non-emo email address is gymguy304@yahoo.com.

See? Manly, non-emo and totally not insane like poets sometimes are. It doesn't matter that I occasionally wear mascara or that I give my girlfriend flowers and aropatherapeutic bath salts on days that aren't her birthday or Valentine's Day. It doesn't matter that my mom sometimes has to comfort me when I'm crying about the beauty of a tea cup or a ladybug. I'm manly. Remember about the bench pressing? Manly.

Manly.

Ha! That made me giggle, especially the last paragraph.

Although I have to say, that if this were a real man-poet I was talking to:

1) Poems do not have to rhyme. So there.
2) Jason Mraz writes awesome songs, and so what if he puts in an occasional "la la la"? He also uses words like "lexicon" that I'd like to see other songwriters TRY to use.
3) If you don't write depressing poems, no one can accuse you of being emo. Also, I've never heard anyone accuse any "man-poets" of that anyways....
4) You are clearly insecure with your masculinity, since you have to tell us that you can bench-press 280 pounds, since you have to keep talking about how manly you are, and since your e-mail address has to be something stupid and macho like "gymguy." ("Gymguy?" *snorts*)

Buuuuuuuut since this is fiction I found it funny. I'm not sure if you were trying to make fun of people like this, but from the last paragraph I have to think you are. Although - I personally find nothing likable about this character. He seems like an insecure douchebag. You don't have to make him TOTALLY likable, but at least make him a little sympathetic. Give him some sort of characteristic that makes us sympathize with him. (I would sympathize with the way he treats his girlfriend, I would find the tears shed over beauty very endearing, except that he says they don't matter because he is MANLY. Since he clearly doesn't want us to think about these parts of him, they don't seem to really make a difference....)

Overall, good job. I like to laugh

~Blue

Haha I like this. The sarcasm was a nice change from everything else I've been reading today, so thank you for that. But I like the point that you (sort of) bring up.

Just because a poet is a man, does not mean he likes those things, even though that's what you said at the end. I'm a hater of stereotypes, but I liked the sarcasm that you used in this.

Anyways, nice job. I thought it was funny and entertaining.

This was awesome, mostly because I rarely read anything very funny posted on here. And I very much like to get my occasional, humorous read on. Your title itself drew me in like a fly to light. The Man-poet. Good stuff...

Anyway, I get the impression that you wrote this as if in the view point of a guy yourself. Is that right? Well, if so, very awesome way of evoking the "man" POV. You've succeeded in making me LOL --on the inside.

The three points you made in defense to the man-poet seemed very -ehem- legit. How you inserted how much he can bench press, and what his girl calls him. How far back his poetry dates, which to me sounds like it probably indicates some immaturity. Although I'm not quite sure if that's really what you intended or not. The gymguy email was incredibly original. xP

And I'm also sorry if my review sound as if I'm not taking your writing serious, it's just that it put me in that good of a mood after searching through so many posts all in order to find something I'd really enjoy reading. Great job I think though, truly. It seems as if you have quite a knack for this kind of thing. I would really love to see more funny pieces like this posted. It's extremely nice to witness when writers let loose. And for this, I really enjoyed this short piece of yours.

Keep up the great work.