Narration for my animation thesis.

Hello, I'm a new member here so forgive me if this isn't the correct place to request a critique.

I am a computer animation major and I have a thesis with a rhyming narration over it. It's intended for children, so the language is very simple and straight forward. I am having some trouble creating a pleasant flow or rhythm. I would like it to be similar to Dr. Seuss, so I have been researching the type of schemes and patterns he used; however, it is one thing to read about it, it's another to put it into practice.

I was wondering if I could have some input on how to create a better rhythm as well as improve the type of language used.

Thank you.

Hi! So, you said you want it like Dr. Suess, so I'm guessing your going for a childish type feel? Also, how flexible is the narration? I mean, could you change some things if you had to?

I am willing to help you out, I just need to know those things first. Oh, and when do you need it done by?

Sage

Hi dispatch, I really like this poem, but like you said you do need to work on your rhythm some.

Getting all of these things takes a little bit of practice and a bit of creativity.

Your rhyming scheme needs a bit of work. It was kind of all over the place. When you start a rhyming poem you should have a rhyming scheme in mind. Your rhyming scheme could be:

Spoiler

a
a
b
a

b
b
c
b

And so on. Or:

a
a

b
b

And so on. Or

a
b
a
b

c
d
c
d

And so on. Right now your rhyming scheme is (starting with your second stanza:

a
a

a
a

b
a
c
a

d
e
d
e
f
g

Sometimes you had lines that didn't rhyme with anything and your rhyme scheme kept changing from stanza to stanza. You need to stay consistent.

If you start of with what you want in mind it is easier. But it is hard to stay on track even then. A thesaurus should help a lot. This is also a good site: http://www.rhymezone.com/. Besides that try to stay consistent with stanza and line length as well.

If you have any questions P.M. me.

I hope I helped,

A. S.