Goodbye

9 posts
Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 1425
Reviews 13
I was scared,
I thought you would leave me.
I thought you would hurt me again.
I thought this would be better.
I thought I could cut you out of my life.
I thought I would be okay,
But I thought wrong.
I was tired of the fights,
of the never ending cycle,
tired of getting hurt.
But I was never tired of you.
For once things have changed;
You stayed.
I was the one that walked away.
I stopped dreaming of you being mine,
but I didn't stop wanting you to be mine.
I stopped being right,
because I was wrong.
You didn't leave me,
didn't hurt me again.
This isn't better.
I wasn't thinking,
when I cut you out of my life.
I'm not okay.
I miss you.
I miss a love that wasn't ours.
I miss the long conversations.
I miss being there for you.
I miss everything.
Now I look back at our memories
And I regret my goodbye.
I could have made it work.
I wanted you to make me stay,
I wanted you to love me.
And that's one thing that hasn't changed.
I think about you all the time,
And what we could of had.
I miss you.
I feel like I'm dead.
I have no soul.
This world is dark and ugly without you.
I feel alone in a roomful of people.
All I can feel is regret.
I hate putting on a fake smile,
but I can't let people see how torn I am.
I've cried,
And lied saying that I'm okay.
I've stopped talking to friends.
They don't understand.
I'm alone.
You might have been one of the only people
Who actually cared.
And I lost you.
I let you go.
I didn't get to make you believe
How amazing and beautiful you are.
I love all your little flaws.
Your flaws make you who you are.
Your flaws make you human.
Your flaws make you special.
My heart isn't whole.
I'm not me without you.
I'm lost.
I'm hurt.
I'm confused.
I'm crushed.
I'm sad.
But is this for the best?
You were always too good for me,
We were always never meant to be.
You're better off without me.
I'm sure you're happy.
I know you don't miss me.
I know you don't need me.
But I still want you,
miss you,
love you.
And I will never stop.
It's too easy to love you.
It's too hard to forget you.
I'm scared of letting the memories fade,
Because it's all I have left of you.
I know your already forgeting me.
I let myself fall for you,
I let myself trust you,
I let this happen.
You still haunt my dreams,
And you still haunt my life.
You still haunt my heart,
But if you really cared
You wouldn't have let me leave.
I was stupid to let you go.
Your the best thing that ever happened to me.
Loving you is my favorite mistake,
Saying goodbye is my biggest regret.
I don't know what to do,
I don't know where to go
I don't know what's reality.
You helped me,
You made me stronger,
and made me happy.
But without you I'm broken.
I'm the girl that cries herself to sleep.
Without you,
I'm nothing.
I hurt myself.
Life doesn't seem woth living.
I have no hope.
Nothing seems right.
And I'm slowly forgeting how to smile.
No one will ever know how much I hurt.
Maybe I'll run back to you,
Maybe I'll beg you for forgiveness,
Maybe you'll always be my what if.
Maybe you'll always be my true love
That got away.
All I know is I'm sorry
For saying goodbye.
Last edited by alwaysjustme on Wed Apr 27, 2011 9:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1869
Reviews 51
i think you might did better, first the flow doesn't exist!!
you need to consider your dividing to stanzas. i mean the emotion was whinning. you lost the rue feelings of miising the person in the poem.
i think you can do better! :d
keep up the good work! :D
<3 Princess of Neverland <3




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2531
Reviews 54
Aha, your poetry again. I like how honest it is, we can really see inside your head. I do agree that it doesn't really have a flow. You don't HAVE to have one, it isn't against the law or anything, but it really would sound better, even if it's already nice. I also think that there could be punctuation in some places.

alwaysjustme wrote:I was scared,
I thought you would leave me.
I thought you would hurt me again.
I thought this would be better.
I thought I could cut you out of my life.
I thought I would be okay,
But I thought wrong.
I was tired of the fights, [i]So there was a lot of repetition before this line (I thought). I personally think it would sound better like this.[/i]
of the never ending cycle,
tired of getting hurt.
But I was never tired of you.
For once things have changed;
You stayed.
I was the one that walked away
I stopped begging you to stay I don't really get this. If you were the one to walk away, then wouldn't they be begging you to stay?
I stopped being right,
because I was wrong.
You didn't leave me,
didn't hurt me again.
This isn't better,
And I can't cut you out of my life.
Im not okay.
I miss you.
I want to beg you to take me back This kind of ruined the repetition.
I miss a love that wasn't ours.
I miss the long conversations.
I miss being there for you.
I miss everything.
Now I look back at our memories
And I regret my goodbye.
I think I could have made it work.
When I said goodbye I think it would sound better without this line.
I wanted you to make me stay,
I wanted you to love me.
And thats one thing that hasn't changed.
I think about you all the time,
And what we could of had.
What I gave up I think the line before Already says this for you.
I miss you so much it hurts cliche'. Maybe you could say ' that it aches'. And what aches? How much does it ache? We want to know.
Ive cried,
And lied, saying that Im okay.
I've stopped talking to friends.
Im alone.
You might have been one of the only people
Who actually cared.
And I lost you.
I gave you up. I think you should take these out and say, ' And I gave you up.'
I didn't get to make you believe
How wonderful and beautiful you are.
My heart isn't whole.
I'm not me without you.
I'm lost
I'm hurt
I'm confused
I'm crushed
I'm sad
But part of me thinks this is for the best.
You were always too good for me,
We were never meant to be.
You're better off without me.
Im sure you're happy.
I know you don't miss me.
I know you don't need me.
But I still want you,
miss you,
love you.
And I will never stop.
It's too easy to love you
It's too hard to forget you I love those lines.
I can't let the memories fade, Also a little cliche'.
Because its all I have left of you.
I let myself fall for you,
I let myself trust you,
I let this happen.
You still haunt my dreams,
And you still haunt my life.
You still haunt my heart,
But if you really cared
You wouldn't have let me leave.
I was so stupid to let you go You said earlier that you were better off without them. Now you want them back. I'm getting confused. What is this poem about? Do you regret leaving them, or are you relieved? Or is it a cycle?
Your the best thing to ever happened to me.
Loving you is my favorite mistake, Amazing!
Saying goodbye is my biggest regret.
I don't know what to do,
I don't know where to go,
I don't know who's real,
I don't know what's reality. Take out the ' who's real' and just leave this.
You helped me,
You made me stronger,
and made me happy.
But without you I'm broken.
I'm the girl that cries herself to sleep.
I'm nothing
Without you.
I cant' feel anything but regret. You mentioned this.
My heart is ripped apart. Cliche'.
I hurt myself.
The world is so dark.
I have no hope.
Nothing seems right.
And I'm slowly forgeting how to smile.
No one will ever know how much I hurt.
Maybe I'll run back to you,
Maybe I'll beg you for forgiveness,
Maybe you'll always be my what if.
Maybe you'll always be my true love
That got away.
All I know is Im sorry
For saying goodbye.


Overall, it was pretty great! I just think there was a lot of repetition and a couple of cliche' lines here and there. I love the emotions here. It is obvious that you are confused and hopeless, yet relieved. I am starting to see a cycle of the feelings now that I read it again. I'm glad that somebody finally mentioned these feelings with this topic. Bravo.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1869
Reviews 51
Now it's better,
i can feel the flow rising, but the problem of it its length. you know!
there were so perfect lines followed by other lines that you have mentioned before(got the same meaning, i mean).
i like it now, its very good... the first part was great.
but then you kept on the same points over and over. you need to rearrange the points more!
i can relate to it somehow!
keep up and update me! :D <3
<3 Princess of Neverland <3




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 148
Reviews 51
Hey! Looks great! I could connect with the MC and I could understand her pain. This poem did take an unexpected and slightly emo-ish turn at "Life wasn't worth living"... Might need fixing???
Great work overall! Keep it up! :D
❁❁❁

be still, sad heart, and cease repining
behind the clouds is the sun still shining




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 5081
Reviews 270
.......this was strange. (Strange isn't necessarily bad.) What I mean by that is, at first (except for the line spacing and the emotional nature) it doesn't really feel like a poem. Maybe break it up more? And stanzas would be nice. Also, you randomly start rhyming in places, like here:

You were always too good for me,
We were always never meant to be.
You're better off without me.
I'm sure you're happy.
I know you don't miss me.
I know you don't need me.


XD EVERYTHING RHYMES IN THIS STANZA. Haha. (mE, bE, happY, mE, mE.) :P
Oh, and you could do without the always in the second line.

You also have a lot of fragmented sentences. I understand what you're trying to do, but maybe you could convey the same thing by breaking the lines up? Even something like

I was
scared,
I thought
You would leave me.

Not necessarily like that, but play with it.


I stopped dreaming of you being mine,
but I didn't stop wanting you to be mine.

Unless you're going for repetition, you might wanna rephrase the second line.

And what we could of had.

Nonononono. Could have, if anything. "Of" is not grammatically correct. (This bugs me cuz people do it a lot. It's fine in informal speech, but not in a poem, unless you're using dialect.)

....regardless of whether your loved one is there or not, you have a soul. Don't forget that. You'll always have a soul, you just might lose feeling in it for a while. Try to fight to feel, kay? I know it hurts, but pain is better than numbness....right? Ok, moving on.


I know your already forgeting me.

"Your" is possessive--"Your house." You want to say "you are forgetting me" so it's "you're". (Also, forgetting has two t's.)
(There's another your that should be you're a few lines down.)
(Also another forgetting a few lines after that.)

This has potential, and you got your feelings on paper, which many can't do very well, so good job.
"Ok, Lolpup. You can be a girl worth fighting for."
--Pengu




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 12611
Reviews 321
I really liked this so I thought I would comments on it. It's not really going to be a review or anything.

I felt like I was reading a page from my life. the same thing happened to me and I thought I would never move on. He broke up with me, but then later on decided he wanted me back. Then I left him and regreted it highly, I dwelded on it and suffered. Someone better will come along though. I thought they wouldn't but I found someone who completes me.

Like I said not a review. I liked it to much for that.

-Flow-
My reality comes to a close as I once again realize that you don't love me, and even if I love you with my everything you will never care.





User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1416
Reviews 73
Great job with this poem. Again, this is something that everyone can relate to. The flow was good, and overall, everything sounded wonderful.
Keep writing beautiful poetry.
Don't walk in front of me: I may not follow
Don't walk behind me: I may not lead
Just walk beside me and hold my hand


I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1071
Reviews 26
Really really long. I don't know that the longest poems are the best. When they start getting that long I think it's best to wright a short story. Honestly, I believe the best poems are short and sweet. I do like the emotion channeling through though. Also, when I newly started, I hated stanzas, but I began to realize that other people for some reason really like them. I would suggest them, not as a poet but as a friend seeing as a lot more people will like your poetry that way! :) Happy writing!
-sapphirewednesday<3



This is a message to all you out there. You don't have to be the fastest writer. You don't have to write 2000 words in one sitting. But if you put your mind to it and really love your project, you can and will get further along than you ever thought possible.
— FireEyes