All About Babies (Poem)

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Gender Female
Points 1040
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Please review! I haven't finished! I know most of you don't have babies, but if you have a little brother or sister, maybe you can help me add some more. I have a 9 month old which really helped me write what I have so far! I don't think the last line fits that well, but any suggestions or critiquing..bring it on!

All About Babies!

No baby should suffer from parents’ mistakes.
Anytime you have fun it’s a risk you take.
To take on responsibility of a new life
A new part of you, that will cause some strife.

Babies equal sacrifice, patience, and screams,
To smiles and giggles, and cute baby dreams.
Be careful when you decide to make a new life,
Be sure to care for it and raise it in the right.

Babies are a blessing from heaven above,
Each is a miracle and full of nothing but love.
They are full of wonder, discovery, and drool,
Anyone who thinks different is a fool.

Yes they scream, bite, and scratch,
But sometimes they itch, teeth, and rash.
Yes they will crawl, walk, and talk,
They wont stay babies forever, who woulda thought?

There’s no other feeling like being a mother,
And nothing else is like being a father.
Keep in mind, monkey see, monkey do,
For what babies see, babies do too.

Babies are costly for many reasons,
They cost money every single season.
From food, diapers, soap, and toys,
To clothes, shoes, and medicine too.
these two lines need fixed, I know and I need to make this longer. I think it's cute, how about you? I'm in a rhyming mode. haha. :smt002
90% of writing is re-writing!




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Gender Female
Points 938
Reviews 88
eautiful ! I like the way you held my attention from the beginning ! An interesting reading it was :)




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Gender Female
Points 1168
Reviews 4
This is very good, it seems serious at first, but then you throw something funny in there like:

"Babies equal sacrifice, patience, and screams."

Keep putting those little details in, it adds charm!

Also, for

"From food, diapers, soap, and toys,
To clothes, shoes, and medicine too."

You could put

"From food, diapers, soap, and toys,
To clothes and shoes-They are expensive whether they are girls or boys!"

Just a suggestion, are you going to add more?




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Gender Male
Points 790
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I must admit I actually really liked this poem!
I loved the way that I found some of the lines rather serious, then the next lines would be humorous, which is absolutely fantastic!
I also found the topic being discussed rather amusing, I must admit!
But all in all a rather good read !




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Gender Female
Points 4120
Reviews 83
This is cute! It maybe could have flowed a little better, but my favorite teacher just came back from maternity leave and this reminded me of her, so... I enjoyed it. I thought it was very good. By the way, congratulations on your new-ish baby!
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