Hymn of a paladin

Hymn of a Paladin

Is it not sad that you can't see,
What the gods have destined thee.
Only when the time is right,
Will you become a champion of light.

Raise your sword for all to see,
Push back the terror and become free.
Only when your blade is swung,
Will the evils be undone.

Pounce on them with all your might,
Give them a fight that will end their life.
Bring back justice to this land,
Spread the word of the holy man.

May the light protect you now,
In the hour that you vow.
To protect this land from harm,
From the deepest darkest form.

In the hour that you fall,
May a tear be shed by all.
For you will now rest in peace,
In the darkness of your sleep.



Thought this up one day. Hope you all like it.

Overall this poem is good. It's usually not a subject matter that I read, but I think it was descent enough. Your flow is really good though I'd use a little bit more punctuation. I had to really search for the flow in some areas and accent a few words. Commas are nice =]. But it was good, keep it up. =]

Hi,
well done on your poem. i like the flow here and the voice in it. very good meaning!
though these lines stopped me and it seems good , but i think there is something could be used in better place.

Pounce on them with all your might,
Give them a fight that will end their life.

it 's the "pounce on" verb i think you can use something powerful to maintain the meaning of "fight", anyway. i like it a lot. keep up and update us with more