Sweet

The achingly sweet cordial filled my mouth,
with every sickeningly awful word my prolific mind.
Was my accursed life not good enough for the Black Angel,
or was I too lucky?
When the cordial was drunk I held out my cup for my addictive torture,
and was sadly relieved from my dangerous longing.
Why must the cup be filled before it is empty,
before I could say those sweet goodbyes?
If you stopped trying to kill me maybe I would die.
Maybe I would stop being stronger,
and not live to see the sunrise.
For I will fight,
until kingdom come.
Until all is said and done,
I will not give myself away.

I am a freak,
and I will never live down the scars on my neck.
I will never leave those ashen alters,
until I can fade away.

-thestorygirl

Very nice.

The story you tell is powerful and the message it conveys is universal, never give up. (At least that's what I think it says.)

Love the vocabulary the strangely nice flowing sentences that, even though there is no real determined flow, follow up so nicely. Very good.

Hi! I must say, I think this is really beautiful. I love the words you use, especially the really descriptive ones that are almost extinct in writing nowadays, sadly.
One small point, which might just be me, but the meaning to this poem didn't seem very clear. I loved the scars on the neck, but is the message like Triskiller said to never give up?
Hope this helps, I thought this was so good! Well done
~strawberrypop13

You have an interesting way of writing.....its very different from other poems I've read so long. Your poems have a very soft and lively touch that attracts others to read more. You're doing well and all i can say is just carry on with it;)

Hi there. Lavvi in to review.

This kind of hit me as some fantastical story poem thing. The first two lines are, however, overwhelmed with description. It's just too much. Simple is pretty, simple is pretty.

Also, the second line confused me a bit. I have no idea what you're trying to say. It might need a rewrite, but I can't say how because I don't know what you meant Plus, the way you've separated it into stanzas...it's just weird and inconsisten. Perhaps three-lined stanzas would work better and give off some poetry-like qualities. Right now, I feel like I'm reading fantasy fiction.

Lavvi

I love your descriptive style! The poem is unique and lovely all together. It's beautiful. Keep it up.