Placing My Heart In Your Hands

This is something that I wrote two years ago. I tried fixing it up, but if you have any further suggestions feel free to let me know! Hope you enjoy (:


I once upon a time, laid my heart in your hands,
An unwillingly gesture, but for you I shared,
It was distinctively marked as being quite fragile,
With thick wrapping hugging every angle,
But you didn’t seem to care,
Doing as you wish, because you thought it was “fair”.

You caused it scratches, chips, and dents too,
But always had a way of making it anew,
Foolishly, I thought you actually cared for me,
Thought I was special, but of course that couldn’t be.
For you, I was simply just a game,
A form of amusement, just the same.


As I ask for it back, you tighten your fist,
Tighter and tighter as your nails pierce into it,
Your strength suffocates all that is there,
And now you’re walking off, to who knows where,

I am left to think and take it all in,
Trying to remember where this all begins,
I feel the tears forming in my eyes,
I just lay there, allowing myself to cry,

But then I stop and realize,
Nothing ever did materialize,
Nothing happened, so how could I cry,
There was nothing but false assumptions and lies,
So I think back to that day,
When I placed my heart in your hand, and childishly ran away,
Now I laugh at my foolish mistake,
For I did nothing more than allow you to take the bait.

Hi! I'll be doing a quick review of your poem! First of all, I really did like it. It was soulful and well-written, though I do feel you over-prosed a little bit and there was a bit of unnesessary wording.
One big critique. It's alright when poets mix rhyming stanza with non rhyming, in my opinion, as long there is a good balance. For me your poem was a little unnatural and unbalanced in this regard and thus made it a little disjointed. There was flow is some parts of your writing, but not in others.
But, It may just be your style. I leave it up to you, of course! In the way of gramatical error I found nothing much to pick at. Your punctuation could've been better in places. One part I really loved was this bit:

silentwords wrote:As I ask for it back, you tighten your fist,
Tighter and tighter as your nails pierce into it,
Your strength suffocates all that is there,

Very good imagery. Well done, keep writing!
~ Amelia

Hi, I am new to the society and am really amazed at the amount of voices I see in people's writing. Concerning your piece, your poetic diction made it easy for the reader to understand your voice in this piece. Through your voice I can deduct a lover who has been broken-hearted and has decided not to break down in tears but to solemnly accept fate and laugh about the entire scenario. You're an amazing writer and i'll certainly be looking foward to reading more of your works as I spend more time exploring the talents in this society. Keep up your style and trust me you certainly are creative and not plain weird!