The changes within

The changes within...
I’m cold...
My legs are drawn up to my chest,
but still I feel the chill against my breast.
The chill is not of this world,
But rather from the inner fold
Of my off beat inner sanctum.
When suddenly I feel lifted and I’m hurled,
My inhibitions scream No! But I don’t have time for its tantrum!

I’m moving forward,
But to what end?
Is this the emergence of something great from a turd?
Or in this ever changing unforgiving world, just another useless bend?
All I know is, as I look at my newly strengthened hands,
I know that with effort these will change all the lands.

Beautiful, simply beautiful ! Love the emotions which seem to be tumbling out in a rush. Maybe you could have had some more paragraphs?...'Cause it's really nice !

I like that this poem has some depth in it, some sort of social relevance if I'm reading it right? - a good break from all the love poetry. I think it can be improved however, with more imagery and perhaps more use of adjectives and adverbs to strengthen the emotion you're trying to forward. If you're not very comfortable with it (adjectives and adverbs, i mean), perhaps you can work on the play of words - people do not realize how much punctuation can change lines drastically. I have some suggestions (which you can freely choose to follow or not, merely my personal preferences f course)for the first stanza:

The changes within...
I’m cold.
My legs (are) drawn up to my chest,
(yet) I still feel the chill against my breast.
The chill is not (of this) world,
Rather, it's from the inner fold -
of my off beat inner sanctum.
Suddenly I feel lifted and then I am hurled,
My inhibitions scream NO!
I don't have time for its tantrum!

I absolutely have no problem with the second stanza except perhaps inconsistency when it comes to the rhyme scheme (much like the first one, however it's contemporary poetry so it doesn't matter as much I guess). For the last bit, I think it was perfectly written except perhaps for a missing word? (I)

I’m moving forward.
But to what end?
Is this the emergence of something great from a turd?
Or in this ever changing unforgiving world, just another useless bend?
All I know is, as I look at my newly strengthened hands,
I know that with effort, these will change all the lands.

Hey thanks for the reviews...
first the reason why this poem was so short was that i was having an attempt at writing a sonnet. I know I could have gone on for much longer, but I decided that i need to try and be as concise as possible to pass my meaning on.
Bailecielo thanks for those corrections. I was in a hurry to post this and forgot to read over it properly! Oh and the reason for the rhyme jumping around like that was that i was hoping it would help convey the my message, how I'm changing... That's why in the second stanza i tried to make it slightly more structured... Oh and since it it a sonnet I can't really split those lines in stanza one, and it would actually mess the rhyme if I did. Sorry
ToLy

I really like this poem. I am happy that you cross-rhyme in this poem. Great job! For example,

"I’m moving forward,
But to what end?
Is this the emergence of something great from a turd?
Or in this ever changing unforgiving world, just another useless bend?
All I know is, as I look at my newly strengthened hands,
I know that with effort these will change all the lands."

I like how you cross-rhyme here, such as forward with turd and end with bend. I even like the bit of imagery you put in. Oh, wait! Your poem's structure and form is almost similar to a Shakespearean sonnet. Were you trying to write a sonnet?

Back to reviewing, I like the ending. I really like the change in tone from feeling scared and hopeless to feeling confident and motivated. You actually have a knack for changing the tone of a poem. I also like the main idea of the poem, which, to me, is if you feel scared of moving forward, then you must keep moving forward if you know that you will only do good.

Based on my analysis of your poem, "the changes within" must be growing up and the process of the speaker becoming a man. By the way, I think you shouldn't add punctuation if you don't want to. Poetry, these days, is freer than ever before. In other words, poetry doesn't need punctuation and it doesn't always follow the rules of grammar. So, you can write poetry the way you want to. Other than that, I really have nothing you can improve on. This poem was really good! Sorry if I can't help you improve.

Heya
Thanks for the review, and yes I was actually trying to go with a Shakespearean sonnet. I think the reason i change the tone so well, is because I try to achieve contrasts in most of my poetry. like your analyses, you almost spot on. the imagery is main idea is more of someone breaking free of their inhibitions and reaching their full potential. oh and about the punctuation, I felt that by leaving the punctuation in the message would be enhanced.

wow, i really liked it. It was really imaginative and full of emotion this 'change' has caused. I liked the way it made you feel like you were lifted and hurled, and the coldness you felt before. Well done, I'm looking forward to hearing more