When life s***s on you with bricks

When life shits on you with bricks
by danipower0204



Let me tell you a small fact,
About this little thing called life.
It can be a railroad track,
Every station a new strife.

It can be a sailing boat,
On the sea’s ecstatic waves.
You may sink or you may float
Along its unreliable days.

Life can be a dandelion,
Flourishing like summer’s sun,
Or be plucked to leave you crying,
Void your heart of all its fun.

So if you ever feel life’s kicks,
Just remember this here call;
When life shits on you with bricks,
Pick them up and build a wall.

Hahaha your poem is so good! I love the ending
'When life shits on you with bricks,
Pick them up and build a wall.'
Its so clever and funny. I also liked your imagry to and how you put emotions and actions into it
"Life can be a dandelion,
Flourishing like summer’s sun,
Or be plucked to leave you crying,
Void your heart of all its fun."

I can't find anything wrong with your poem I really liked reading it. Please keep writing Your style is really easy to read and fun ^-^

Hello there.
You have a got a nice poem over here. The imagery you used in you piece was good but it could have been better. But the poem did not have a good flow to it. It tends to get off the flow at many places. And it is sometimes very annoying for the reader. The last paragraph was the only one which had a good flow to it other than that the others did not have a flow.
And, you could try writing some more lines to it because it somewhat felt incomplete in between. And you should start working on punctuation marks. You not only need the punctuation marks at the end of a line but also in between then to make them sound better and make the reader read it as you have wanted them to read.
I hope this may help you to improve.
Keep writing. (:

The flow is a bit off, other than that though, it's great.

Thanks for the reviews! Could you please give an example of what you mean with "the flow is off" or "It tends to get off the flow at many places"? That would help.

Also, I don't understand with "the imagery could have been better". As in, different imagery would have painted the picture better?

I appreciate criticism, but please try to make it constructive.

this is an amazing poem! it reminds me a little bit of humpty dumpty, only a bit more dramatic. i love the rhyme scheme as well, it really makes the poem flow perfectly together

Thanks for your comment!