If Only I Could Live In a Dream

Hi!
I like how you centered the poem. It sounds nice to read that way. But I think that each one will have a different version of 'dream place' and while this shows the general accepted idea of what would be best for humans, I should like to see something that will show that humans don't always want /this/ kind of a place. I say this only because you title it 'If Only We Could Live In Dreams.' Also, I'm not sure about using 'psycho' in the poem.

Alright, so because this poem isn't completely finished I can't give you my true opinion on it, but I will try. I am glad you told us it wasn't finished though because it really didn't have any resolution in it. I would have had to yell at you for that.

I do like this poem, but it could use some work in places.

If only I could live in a dreams.
Rivers and streams would have neverending crystal clean water.
The sky above our heads would never dare to turn a shade of grey.
Everyone would be free of pain.

In the first two lines I thought I felt the hints of internal rhyme. In the second two lines I thought I felt that I heard some consonance. But I am now pretty sure that you didn't mean to do this because any hints of either quickly left the poem. I only bring this up because it kind of disappointed me when I started to read the second stanza. I really did think you meant for this. It is bad to change tones in a poem, and I feel like you did this here.

I also noticed some contradictions in the poem. In the second stanza you talked about how there would be nothing to fear, but in the third stanza you say, "Warriors would leave for battle and always come back safe." Does your dream world really have soldiers? If there is nothing to fear why would there be a need for soldiers. Read through your poem carefully and make sure there aren't any more contradictions.

This wish of a world where everything is great.
Feels like trying to eat food from an empty plate.
The world is fucked up.
This is something each and everyone of us know.

I hate doing nitpicks, but this line really bothered me. It sounded somewhat awkward. Something shorter maybe? It just seems so long compared to the line before it.

Now, I really would like to give an overall, but it isn't finished. If you want my overall when you have finished feel free to P.M. me. Also, I agree with what our beloved 'Mod' Danny said.

Hope I helped,

A. S.