First Love

First Love
By: Colleen Tucker
You’ve never stopped loving me,
in all the time we’ve been apart you still held onto your love for me,
and I can honestly say that you weren’t the only one,
I held onto my love for you just as tight as you for me,
and when you told me that you still loved me I felt my heart piece itself back together,
You were my first love,
the boy that first made my heart leap for joy,
even when we fought I found that I couldn’t stop loving you,
it was as if you had been made especially for me by God,
that was something I could never deny,
you were made for me just like I was made for you,
Every day that we are together I will thank God for it,
I will thank God that you are mine,
it doesn’t matter that we may not last forever,
nor does it matter that we might last forever,
it only matters that I have you now,
I will love you now and forever,
when I am old and gray I will tell my grandchildren about my first love,
the one whose kiss made my heart jump in my chest,
that boy is you,
always has been and always will be you,
of that you can be sure.

If I were you, I'd break it up into a ballad. It's a bit hard to read, but never the less I will review this fine poem.

ShadowPrincess16 wrote:First Love
By: Colleen Tucker

You’ve never stopped loving me,
in all the time we’ve been apart you still held onto your love for me,This too long- make it two lines, maybe?
and I can honestly say that you weren’t the only one,
I held onto my love for you just as tight as you for me,I like this line/possible ballad.
and when you told me that you still loved me I felt my heart piece itself back together,Again, long line.
You were my first love, this is oddly short compared to how long the one above it is.
the boy that first made my heart leap for joy,
even when we fought I found that I couldn’t stop loving you,
it was as if you had been made especially for me by God,
that was something I could never deny,
you were made for me just like I was made for you,
Every day that we are together I will thank God for it,
I will thank God that you are mine,
it doesn’t matter that we may not last forever,
nor does it matter that we might last forever,
it only matters that I have you now,
I will love you now and forever,
when I am old and gray I will tell my grandchildren about my first love, Oddly long again.
the one whose kiss made my heart jump in my chest,
that boy is you, strangely short.
always has been and always will be you,
of that you can be sure.

Things I like:
-everything
-grammatically sound
-the topic
-the emotion
-the awesomeness
-I can really feel your love for him.


Things that were Okay:
-Formatting
-commas at the end of every sentence


Things that weren't so hot:
-not sound syllable wise
-topic jerks around a bit


I lurve it! This was really good, pulled at the heartstrings. Is this true? If so, this guy is really nice. I would make it a ballad, as I have said before, but that's my opinion. Wow, I can't find much to critique! You're really good, Shadow. I have no idea why people didn't comment on this- I guess it was just to amazing for them. Well, anyways, happy writing!

~MilkNCookies

Awww that is so romantic. I could've said it better myself.