sorry i don't want it up anymore

sry i don't want it up anymore

I really like this poem. The diction is not ordinary, and there is feeling to it as well, which is good to have in any poem. The imagery is not shabby at all, but I would have liked a little more, but maybe that's just because I am a very visual person

How can we truly open up ourselves
When no one really wants to let you in
And the truth sits so lonely on their shelves Plural form of shelf and non-possessive
But they never seem to open it and begin Begin what exactly?

We're like the faded picture upon the wall
The one that's gray and torn everywhere
And only then do you seem to fall I think that this could be revised a bit, because it disrupts the flow a tad
Cause no one seems to notice you're there

Really good work!

Hi, Sakin here. First off, Shiney1 is right on those points. Other than that, I don't see anything else wrong with this. I don't think I've read anything else of yours, yet this sounds like something else I've read. Well, you are an amazing poet, keep up the good work. If you need anything else reviewed, don't hesitate to let me know, I'd be more than happy to take a look at whatever you put in front of me.

~Forsakinshadow~

PS: This deserves a 'like'.

Hi there. Lavvi in to review.

This was kind of cool, how you compared some with (old) furniture. It gave a dated sense to this poem of yours. Very nice and interesting.

There's a stumble in grammar:

shelf's

I'm not sure if you meant it possessively, but I think you meant to write:

shelves

Personally, I think it'd work better on a whole with the poem.

I pictured everything to be set 1940s-ish, kind of that sepia tone. Very pretty and serene, most likely melancholy.

Yours,
Lavvi

Hey,

I liked this poem. The meter was good, the rhyme scheme was good and the flow was steady. One problem, the first stanza had the rhyme 'thicker' and 'picture'. Those two words do not rhyme and sound extraordinarily awkward together. I suggest changing the rhyme there. Hmm, it was pretty short so I don't have much else to say. Good job!

Favorite Line: We're like the faded picture upon the wall The one that's gray and torn everywhere

Grade: A

~Jas

What brought me to this was the name, it really drew me in. I think you've explained what you meant by 'The Truth Sits' but I can't help but to think that your description is a bit weak. You just state the things you should delve into and really describe. I think to tackle this you should continue to ask Why? until you can't ask why anymore.

Hope this helped,

Anger

How fascinating .. such an interesting poem.