The Prophecy of Peredhil

After the thousand-years-war between the Elves and Humans, one young half-Elf was destined to become the greatest hero in all the history of the world.
His story starts at the farm where he was born, at the young age of 10.
One day, he was working to milk the cows when he overheard the other workers.
“I don’t like Peredhil,” one was saying to the other. “He isn’t one of us, and at night he hums strange songs! He’s weird!”
The others agreed, and Peredhil began to cry, why wasn’t he like the others? He decided to visit Atar. Atar was the person who raised him when he was found outside the Elf forest.
Peredhil visited the house of Atar, which was one the top of a deserted hill, to ask him what made him different. When he got there, he knocked on the door and heard a voice from inside ‘Come in!’
“Atar,” Peredhil said. “Why am I different from the others?”
“Because,” Atar said, taking a magic pipe from his shelf. “You are a half-Elf.”
Atar took the magic pipe and blew through it onto Peredhil. Dust fell from Peredhil’s ears and eyes, and suddenly he looked in the mirror to see an Elf.
“Wow!” Perdhil said. “I’m an Elf!”
“Yes,” Atar said. “And you are the one that will help us. A long time ago the Elf council came together and heard the prophecy that someone would be born to help the war between Eves and Humans.”
“Is it me?” Peredhil said.
“Yes, it is you,” Atar said. “Someday you will kill the evil lord and the whole world will be at peace.”
“Let’s go, then!” Peredhil said. “I want to kill the evil lord!”
Atar agreed and they got some cloaks, food, horses and weapons. Atar gave Peredhil a magic sword named Maegluin that glowed blue when Peredhil used magic. Peredhil’s magic looks like a blue fire in a ball that leaves his hands after he says the magic word “Luinar!”
Peredhil had to spend days in the wild with Atar to learn his magic, but once he was done Atar said “Your magic is stronger than any of the other Elves!”
“How do you know?” Peredhil said.
“I am an Elf!” Atar said, blowing the magic pipe on himself.
Instantly Atar glowed like a star and pointy ears appeared on his head. His eyes and feet were like Elf eyes and feet.
“Wow!” Peredhil said. “You’re an Elf!”
“Yes,” Atar said. “But look out!”
Suddenly, a black flame like Peredhil’s but black instead of blue came flying at Peredhil. Atar jumped in front of it and the black flame went right through him, but Peredhil ducked and it didn’t hit him.
High up on the cliff the evil lord and his evil army laughed at Peredhil.
“Let’s go,” the evil lord said. “He’ll die out here in the wilderness.”
As they left, they killed Peredhil’s horse and took Atar’s.
“NOOOOOOOOOooooooOOOooOoOOo!” Peredhil said when they left. “Atar, don’t die!”
“It’s OK,” Atar said. “I have to go now, you’ll do fine without me. After all, it was in the prophecy that the hero’s teacher would die.”
“Oh, goodbye then,” Peredhil said, getting up. “I’ll go kill the evil lord now.”
“One more thing before you go,” Atar said. “I need to tell you that I’m your father. All my life I’ve been living near you, making sure nothing happened. Your mother was an Elf.”
“I understand now,” Peredhil said, leaving. “Goodbye, dad.”
Peredhil got on his horse and went to the evil lord’s castle. The evil army was outside the castle, guarding the door. Peredhil pointed his sword at them and said “Kirmen!”
A red fire burst out like a spear at the army and pushed them to both sides. The path was clear for Peredhil to go in.
Inside the courtyard a dragon barred Peredhil’s way, putting his front claws in his horse. Peredhil jumped up the dragon’s arm and climbed up behind its neck. “Kirdol!” he said, and the head was cut off.
From the dragon’s neck Peredhil jumped into the evil lord’s throne room and killed his guards.
“I came to kill you!” Peredhil said. “Ramgul!”
Suddenly a shell came out of the shadows and clamped down on the evil lord. The shell grew smaller and smaller until it was like a walnut. All the evil of his was walled up in that tiny nut.
After that, the Elves and Humans were happy together again and the whole land was better. Peredhil was a hero and famous everywhere he went.
Also, Atar didn’t die, and Peredhil was very happy with his father.

The End

Spoiler

This was a submission for Snoink’s bad-writing contest. I was too late and it finished without me ><.

The magic words and names are Elven, as would befit a Tolkien-geek like me. I wanted to make the magic words real words backwards, but Elven words appeal to me more.
Also, the bit about his horse dying and then reappearing…if you managed to spot it, then congrats. If you get the allusion, then massive congrats.

Translation:
Per-edhel = half-elven
Atar = Father
Maeg-luin = Sharp/piercing-blue
Luin-nar = Blue-fire
Kir-men = Cut-way
Kir-dol = Cut-head
Ram-gul = Wall-sorcery

Wow, Jent. This was horrible lol

I started reading and I was like, "Oh my God! This can't be Jent's work. *Scrolls up* This IS Jent. Did someone hack into his account and spout this nonsense? Wait...What if he really DID write this? How am I supposed to be politically correct, this is so BAD!"

*breathe in, breathe out* I've read his work before, he was great! What happened! Ok Tanya, man up! You always admire the thorough reviews, so you can do this!"

And then I read the whole thing, it was horribly bad, then I read the spoiler. I swear, if I could reach through the screen and slap you, I would. Don't do this to me! Warn me in advance! lol

Seriously, I'm sure you would have won. I can't recall reading anything quite so horrible. On the plus side, I didn't find any grammatical errors (thank God for that! ). My only issue, and I don't know if it was intentional, but how is he a half-elf if both his parents were elves?

That's it for now, thank you for unleashing my violent tendencies this morning.

Tanya

Hai!


Um. It's a pity it was too late for the contest, I'm sure you would have done brilliantly. I didn't spot the horse dying/reappearing thing and I don't get the reference either. *hangs head* Scusi.

It's been a very long time, and I need to brush up on my Elvish, but I seem to recall that "Ada" means father, not "Atar"? I could be wrong, I just have a vision of it being spelled with a d. And I didn't think "per-edhel" had a hyphen, but again, it's been a very long time.

Aside from your Elvish, there's not a huge lot I can comment on, this being what it is.

- twit

Yeah, I'm sure LOTR geeks could pick over the technicalities of my Elvish grammar (which is probably horrible) but the essential idea is good enough. Thanks for pointing that out, though!
By the way, I got my Elvish from the appendix of Unfinished Tales.
Jenth

*I still want to slap you* <.<

Go slap a lamp pole, that's pretty much what I look like.

Except I won't get the same satisfaction out of it....

I would, watching you dance in pain from slapping a cast-iron pole.
Actually, I'm just being mean.

OK, so at first I thought this might be kinda lame, but your description about it being the worst thing you’ve ever written piqued my interest. It’s flipping hilariious. I love how right after it says his horse dies he gets on his horse and rides it to kill the evil lord. And how he starts crying because he’s “different.” And how you find out he’s a half-elf, Atar’s an elf, Atar’s his father, and his mother’s an elf (and somehow he’s still a half-elf despite both his parents being elves), etc. Again, this was flipping hilarious. I’d probably hate it if I didn’t know it was intentional (a lot of self-published books are written just like this and worse. That’s why you want an editor.), but I can imagine it would still be pretty funny. Especially the part where he just ducks when the fireball “kills” Atar.. You do have a few errors, but I think most of those are spelling errors (Eves should be Elves). I really didn’t look too closely, so there are probably tons of them that I’m just ignoring.
Anyway, crappy story (but really funny), and I hope you actually do know how to write better...keep on writing!