Empty Grave

All sins atoned,
All debts repaid,
An empty grave marks where he laid.

Honest hands,
Scathed and healed,
Our place in heaven He lovingly sealed.

For through the hell and through the strife,
The Prince of Peace - He gave us life.
Died a most ignoble death,
On a cross so dire.
Yet the third day he walked again,
With hope that never tires.

Love and light struck down the dark,
and triumphed through the pain.
At last the world - a desert land,
Felt the cool relief of rain.

Dancing starts,
Singing and praise.
Our savior is back in a glorious blaze.

All evil beaten,
All light restored.
Risen hath Son of the Lord.

Epic parts are bolded-

All sins atoned,
All debts repaid,
An empty grave marks where he laid.

Honest hands,
Wounded and healed,
Before scarred feet his followers kneeled.( but "kneeled" isn't a word. maybe "knelt?)

For through the hell and through the strife,
The Prince of Peace - He gave us life.
Died a most ignoble death,
On a cross so dire.
Yet the third day he walked again,
With hope that never tires.

Love and light struck down the dark,
and triumphed through the pain.
At last the world - a desert land,
Felt the cool relief of rain.

All evil beaten,
All light restored.
Risen hath Son of the Lord.

Dancing starts,
Singing and praise.
Our savior is back in a glorious blaze!

I love this poem, really nice.
I like the perspective and truth in all of this.
Overall: Really epic job!

I love this poem. God Bless You!
Keep Writing!
-----------------------------
-Jojo

Hi there.

This has potential but needs some work.

I think that the somewhat simple structure does not work for this. I also don't like your use of rhyme. Although the flow of the piece may be steady, it lacks originality and can feel very mediocre in parts. However I do like the later stanzas, simply because they break out of the simple format and gets more complex.

'Ello, Echoes! How're you today? Let's get onto the review!

This was so sweet and uplifting. It may be not complicated but I think it doesn't need to be. The to-the-pointness of your statements makes the meaning of the poem ring clear. With this kind of subject I don't think floweryness is needed. Let's see if we can make this even better.

All sins atoned,
All debts repaid,
An empty grave marks where he laid. I like the simple ryhthm here. I wasn't expecting your poem to rhyme, so it was a pleasant surprise.

Honest hands,
Wounded and healed, <- Maybe "wounded" could be replaced for something more vivid.
Our place in heaven he lovingly sealed.

For through the hell and through the strife,
The Prince of Peace - He gave us life.
Died a most ignoble death,
On a cross so dire.
Yet the third day he walked again,
With hope that never tires. I love how you break apart from the original rhythm and make a new kind of stanza. It just gets epic. When this started I could see a church choir stand up and begin singing this. I actually sang it.

Love and light struck down the dark,
and triumphed through the pain.
At last the world - a desert land,
Felt the cool relief of rain. <- Nice metaphor

All evil beaten,
All light restored.
Risen hath Son of the Lord. <- This feels like the ending stanza to me. It has such a finality about it. Perhaps switch it with the stanza after?

Dancing starts,
Singing and praise.
Our savior is back in a glorious blaze! <- Finally, instead of an excamation point I believe a period would work better here.

OVERALL: This was quite refreshing. Sometimes I read poems that are trying too hard to be fancy, and reading a poem that knew what it was was quite nice. Your rhythm is very good; something I have always had problems with. (I'm a bad poet) It feels like a song, really, how it kind of turns into a chorus in the middle. Sometimes, I feel a more vivid word could be placed, to make this more original. I actually don't have many critiques of this because it is polished and simple - which is a good thing in this case! Our styles seem similar, so I'm glad we're poetry partners. Well, that's pretty much it. I hoped I helped any,

Esther

Thank you very much everyone who reviewed! All your suggestions and comments were very helpful and I hope I improved the poem.