Slaughtered Over Kind Words

Dripping from my mouth,
Splashing all around.
I cover my lips with smeared fingers
And I fall onto the ground.

I can see the red,
My now lethal words
Soaked in my blood and hung out to dry
Then pecked at by the cruel birds.

Those words, so harmless
Turned into sharp darts
-By the very ones I gave them to!-
And aimed straight for my heart.

I offered help and love,
But just hate was recieved.
In times of weakness and times of pain,
I alone was decieved.

I let go of my lips.
Let the blood and words flow
together at last, as fate would have.
I let agony show.

As my breath speeds and fails,
I plead with longing eyes.
Please! Heed my words, have faith,
Accept my final goodbyes.

It's a rather difficult poem to understand. Punctuation and capitalization need some fixing. I wouldn't use dashes around "By the very ones I gave them to" nor would I use an exclamation point. I would just completely seperate that out from that stanza or use just one dash and a period. I would also get rid of very. Remember the Mark Twain quote "Substitute (blank) for very and your editor will delete them out." Very is a very bad word to use, haha literary humor. Overall, the descriptive quality is interesting and good, but punctuation is an issue. It has a weird ending. "Accept my final goodbyes." A little ominous, don't you think? Very interesting, good job.

Dripping from my mouth,
Splashing all around. Simplistic and cliched, let alone devoid of any sense of imagery.
I cover my lips with smeared fingers Too long. With shorter lines like these, you have to be careful about long lines.
And I fall onto the ground. Get rid of "I."

I can see the red, This could be said in a much more intriguing way.
My now lethal words "Now" lethal? What, they weren't lethal then? This sounds pretty weird regardless.
Soaked in my blood and hung out to dry Again, too long.
Then pecked at by the cruel birds. "Cruel" sounds off.

Those words, so harmless
Turned into sharp darts Darts are always sharp. You don't have to tell me that.
-By the very ones I gave them to!- Meh. Doesn't flow very well.
And aimed straight for my heart.

I offered help and love, "Help" sounds odd here.
But just hate was recieved. "Recieved" should be spelled "received."
In times of weakness and times of pain, Wording's off - you're missing a second "in." Also, this is pretty long.
I alone was decieved. Spelled "deceived" wrong. Once again, you mixed up the I and the E.

I let go of my lips. How does that work?
Let the blood and words flow
together at last, as fate would have.
I let agony show. Could be better.

As my breath speeds and fails, "Speeds" isn't the right word. Try "quickens."
I plead with longing eyes. "Plead" sounds too much like "speed."
Please! Heed my words, have faith, You're using quite a lot of long E's in this stanza. Was that intentional?
Accept my final goodbyes.

Cool. Thanks for requesting this review! I enjoyed it.

-Kafka

This was a really intense poem. I don't know if it's just my stupidity, but I can't quite grasp the meaning of this. Did the person speaking help someone and was betrayed by them? That's what I'm getting from the poem. Anyways, I thought it rhymed very well, and was very attention-capturing, although a bit confusing sometimes. My favorite parts were the fourth and sixth sections. They were lethal, but well-written. I like the 'final goodbyes' because it's like the person is really being killed by those words.

Why hello, my fellow friend and writer. I shall review your poem today.

First things first:

Dripping from my mouth,
Splashing all around.
I cover my lips with smeared fingers
And I fall onto the ground. Good stanza, but the last two lines seem way too long. Instead of "And I fall to onto the ground", try "As I fall to the ground' Or 'Then I fall to the ground'. 'Onto' would mean the same thing as to. It just provides an extra unneeded syllable.

Also, there's something not quite right about this first stanza. It's not an introduction. It feels like you're missing a stanza, or a first line, something to explain what's going on before you dive right into the 'red'.

I can see the red, This is a very bland sentence. Try replacing red with something a little more creative.
My now lethal words Do you mean you said something lethal? It's a bit confusing because you don't say anything about words before, and the 'now' makes it feel like I missed something.
Soaked in my blood and hung out to dry
Then pecked at by the cruel birds.

-By the very ones I gave them to!- I would suggest italicizing this, and erasing the -'s.

I let go of my lips. Replace "let go" with 'release'
Let the blood and words flow
together at last, as fate would have.
I let agony show.

As my breath speeds and fails,
I plead with longing eyes.
Please! Heed my words, have faith,
Accept my final goodbyes. As Kafka stated before, you have a bucketload of long e's in this stanza, but besides those being a little distractng I thought it was brilliant! Well done.

Overall, I liked it It tells a good story. You didn't have a lot of imagery, but I think the story you tell makes up for it.

Thanks bguys! I knew this poem was off, i just couldnt tell how. thanks for pointiing it all out