smae thing again sorry

i just don't want it up right now. sorry to everyone who liked it or got points.

Bleeding hearts that were once full of promise
Now lay like scattered ash on the floor
In a world that used to be pure bliss
Now gently fly away to be no more What exactly flies away? This doesn't completely make sense.

Souls that have cried endless tears
Are now flooded in their mind
Loneliness now lies here The rhythm is a little off here, noticing that this is an ABAB poem.
Where only you lay trapped inside

Promises that were meant to be broken
Where no more truth shall remain Doesn't make sense.
Honesty is always outspoken
By the lies that die in vain Less sense.

Effortlessly you cry out
When the rage can no longer spread
And there's nowhere to turn to now
Cause vengeance is justified nor is it dead Another off rhythm

This is good imagery and a good idea, but it wasn't presented correctly. In the second and third stanzas, I had no clue what was going on. In dramatic poetry, one key element is to be a bit mysterious, but the mysterious was overloaded so much in this poem that it stopped making sense. Good job.

Maybe i shouldn't have put this in dramatic maybe other. If you read it you would see that it's the heart that flies away to be no more. But i'm not arguing I welcome all feed back good or bad.

I wasn't saying that I couldn't understand it. Im good at seeing what poetry means. It was just a little confusing at first.

Ello, the human Host of Horus here to review!

Red=Grammar errors etc.
Maroon=Things I like
Purple=suggestions/questions
and then my overall review is whatever....

Bleeding hearts that were once full of promise
Now lay like scattered like ash upon the floor
In a world that used to be pure bliss The flow is thrown off a bit here, try adding a word or two.
Now gently fly away to be no more Umm this line is confusing. I've read through a few times and I can't seem to grasp what it is your talking about. Are you trying to say the hearts are flying away? If so it might be a good idea to specify that in some way. I could just be missing something though... :/

Souls that have cried endless tears
Are now flooded in their mind In whose mind? Or is it an item? Be specific. It helps with imagery.
Loneliness now lies here Again be specific. I'm assuming you mean in the bleeding heart but it could be construed as something different, like the mind or tears. Now again, maybe that was what you meant.
Where only you lay trapped inside

Promises that were meant to be broken
Where no more truth shall remain These two lines (the one above and this one) are a little confusing.
Honesty is always outspoken
By the lies that die in vain I really like these two. The truth in them and the statement they make are great. However, I do think the last line needs another couple of syllables to keep the flow consistent.

Effortlessly you cry out
When the maybe your instead? rage can no longer spread
And there's nowhere to turn to now This abandons the rhyming scheme, and could be a bit confusing.
Because vengeance is not justified, nor is it dead

Overall: So, I liked the ideas, but it does need a little work. It is confusing in places, and the imagery isn't quite as solid as I think it could be. Try to be specific when you are describing things. Another thing you should try to add is punctuation. It is a common misconception that poetry does not need punctuation. It DOES. Without the punctuation, it turns into one long rambling piece where the reader is not allowed to breathe. So add some commas and periods. Don't think I hated it, I really don't and I think this has tremendous upside. Also, if I confused things on my own I apologize, but realize that I am a reader, and that as a reader, other readers may have the same incident occur. Hope this helped, keep up the work!

-HostofHorus

Thank you i appreciate it alot