Also, this piece should be rated 16+ or 18+ due to the language.
"It was Cinco de Mayo Pillow case on his head No more breathing time An ambulance sped It sped round every corner Calling out his name." "Lemonade"- Cocorosie
Man, my dad's really sick right now so I know how it feels. You see death right in front of you, and for a second you're scared...then you're angry. Your poem totally showed that. The part I related to most was when you talk about the things you refuse to miss, because I've been going outside and tossing the baseball on my own, since my dad's too weak to play anymore. It's a really bad feeling to know what's gone, but to come back with a fighting vengence, man, is epic. I feel like I'm still in the weak falling-off-the-edge-of-the-earth stage, so I know how much this kind of strength takes. For that alone, congrats. It totally resonated in your poetry. Keep on fighting.
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket
This isn't a review. Just wanted to point out those petty mistakes for you. =) Instead, I'm commenting a reader.
At first, I love the rhythm. But, I felt like it was lost by the middle. But ignore that. This is your poem. Do as you want. I love the first stanza, 'cause it explains the theme. I also like the part where you were, like, "I'll see you die now..." It was cool.
KEEP WRITING!
~ Jash ♥
“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”
Wow. This post deserves a thousand likes. Very deep, very emotional ... God, I sound shallow. Nothing at all I can possibly pick you up on here. Keep strong; keep faith: you will get through this! With you in spirit. - Ignis
The POTATO of DOOM
A thousand times it calls your name A thousand times you hear it And fools are those who heed its call But fools are those who fear it.
Yo go brotha! Power to you. My daddy is an oncologist/epidemiologist and studies this stuff( and I plan to), and we'll fight until you defeat this genetic monster. Yessssssssss!!!!! And that's my "high" for today.
This piece brought tears to my eyes and I do not know weather they were tears of pitty or tears of sorrow. My great-grand dad Is 90 years old and has had cancer in 5 different places and is still fighting. My dad is at high risk of heart attack as well.
Aww this poem made me cry. I loved it! I really like it when poems have a ton of emotion in them. My favorite part was when you were saying all of the things you were refusing to miss. I would not change one thing about this poem.
I mainly just wanted to tell you that you will be in my prayers. Keep on fighting (and writing)! You have talent.
I loved this poem! So much emotion packed into so few words! For me, I don't know how having someone in your family die of cancer feels, but I do know about caring for alot of children that have AIDS. I have been to and my dad works with an orphanage called Rehema Home in Nairobi, Kenya, and more than half of the sixty kids there have AIDS. Your poem helped me realize that having a sickness like that can be devastating, but it can also make you the strongest person you can be.
Thanks for writing this poem, and my prayers are with you. Sorry about your dad and grandpa, I hope you CAN live to see your daughter marry and your wife life to an old age. I hope you ARE there for the things in life that matter the most.
-Emmy
When all you have is nothing, there is alot to go around.
keep wrighting
