In Between

Found this one in my archives...

You caught me! I’m thinking again.
Go ahead, prosecute my emotions.

It's this brain that won’t give it a rest!
My silent friend that reminds me of
My regrets, my actions.

But can you blame this friend?
I’m complicated.

But have you seen them?
Both are equally great. Captivating qualities!
One of them beams and I melt
The other, Oh the other!
With eyes as rich as chocolate,

I’m caught in between, again!
Go ahead! Say something! I’m guilty.
But who do I choose?

ziggiefred wrote:Found this one in my archives...

You caught me! I’m thinking again.
Go ahead, prosecute my emotions. This is pretty vague description, not much I can really get out of this other than black and white. Wheres the color?

It's this brain that won’t give it a rest!
My silent friend that reminds me of
My regrets, my actions. it's a little awkward here, since you don't give a transition between the yelling and the sadness kind of thing.

But can you blame this friend?
I’m complicated. I don't really see how these fit togeather

But have you seen them?
Both are equally great. Captivating qualities!
One of them beams and I melt
The other, Oh the other!
With eyes as rich as chocolate, Errr. what qualities? I have no idea what you're talking about...And why is the other oh the other thing in there? That's kinda random and things... >.>

I’m caught in between, again!
Go ahead! Say something! I’m guilty.
But who do I choose? Okay.. What? You've managed to make no sense again, maybe it's just too complex as you've mentioned before for me to understand?Or maybe it's just because you don't give us a subject or any hints to what it is...

If you gave this some imagery and something to actually think abotu and process besides the descriptions of you being unable to deside bewtween two things. It'd make for a much better poem, you got your descriptions to an acception point, but you have nothing to describe.
Try adding a clearer subject.

Good luck, keep writing.
Silented1

Though I do agree with Silented1 that it is hard to figure out exactly what you are talking about, but who cares? If you go through line by line it creates images and ideas, but yet you have no clue what the true one is. Maybe it's that you created this piece to do just that, or it describes something we do not know about. The only other issue I see is your line breaks; there's no pattern to them at all. Sometimes you have half a sentence then you break, others you have two sentences. That's a little confusing.

Hey!

I wouldn't say it was hard to figure out at all! (On the same note, it wasn't easy, either, which meant that it was neither frustratingly vague and nor blatantly obvious for me - a good balance, I think ). These lines gave it away (although, I will admit that this is only a hypothesis of what was going on in your mind, and it may be that my interpretation is incorrect):

I’m caught in between, again!
Go ahead! Say something! I’m guilty.
But who do I choose?

The 'who' give away that it is two people that the narrator is wanting to choose between. The lines with 'captivating qualities' and 'beams and I melt' as well as 'eyes as rich as chocolate' made me think the narrator is referring to a girl - two girls, that is. They are torn between one girl and another, for both are equally as pleasing, albeit in different ways. However, the way this is portrayed (with all the exclamation marks and rhetorical questions) makes me believe that you've put a comic spin on this internal conflict. A like this unusual effect - instead of agonising over the decision, the narrator seems to be laughing at their own inability to make it. Very original.

You caught me! I’m thinking again.
Go ahead, prosecute my emotions.

Haha - 'prosecute my emotions' was funny - preposterous, bordering on the officious and so matter-of-fact. But something about the 'You caught me!' is annoying me, and the first line as such isn't particularly grabbing. I think the 'You caught me!' bit tries almost too hard to be entertaining, funny and arresting, which is why it really doesn't work. Seems just ever so slightly pretentious, actually.

It's this brain that won’t give it a rest!
My silent friend that reminds me of
My regrets, my actions.

But can you blame this friend?
I’m complicated.

I don't even think the exclamation mark on the first line there is needed. And that line - 'But can you blame this, friend' NEEDS a comma before 'friend' otherwise it doesn't make sense. I'm pretty sure here you're addressing the reader and not talking about a friend. I kind of am in two minds about the 'I'm complicated' bit - on the one hand, it's sweet and succinct, but on the other, it's giving away the internal conflict almost too easily. The part about the brain being all messed up sort of symbolises that well enough, I'd say.

But have you seen them?
Both are equally great. Captivating qualities!
One of them beams and I melt
The other, Oh the other!
With eyes as rich as chocolate,

This was a stanza I did not enjoy. 'beams and I melt' - this is a cliche idea, and the 'eyes as rich as chocolate' isn't particularly inventive, either. If you want to convey a sense of why they're wonderful, equally, I'd suggest to do it in a more interesting way, a more colourful way rather than the same old imagery.

I’m caught in between, again!
Go ahead! Say something! I’m guilty.
But who do I choose?

Loved the last line - sort of hopeless and helpless and funny, as if the narrator is looking around guiltily, sweat beading their foreheads, in a comic frenzy. Here might be a good time to mention that this poem would have had a more powerful effect were the internal conflict tied to a metaphor of some sort - the idea od in-between was there, but not there enough. Think about things that are in between, torn, divided - and these can be funny, too - and incorporate them in throughout the poem so it seems to ramble, while still being very tight.

Anyway, I hope that was helpful! PM me if you've got any questions, or would like to discuss something.

It is a really good poem. But I kind of got lost about the feeling of it. Really, I did. Is it about choosing between two boys? Two friends? You should have been more specific pertaining to that subject. And I think that the words could have been better and have actually rhymed better. but that is just my opinion.