Self-Actualization

~_~

this is a very sad poem. i like it overall, but some of the lines don't flow very well, particularly at the beginning. maybe it's just the way im reading it, but all in all i like it! it's a very touching poem

First things first before I begin my review. It's unusual and not encouraged to left your font, putting it at such a small size too. It makes it a pain for others to read and many just ignore the poem then because of it. Just a tip.

I clench my fists to see the veins pop
In my gauze wrapped wrists
Because there are words engraved in skin
That only blood can allow me to see
I long to be
More to someone than a means to an end This line doesn't make sense
I long to hear
More than the lonely voices that resound in my head
I long to see
More than meaningless words engraved in skin
That scar over in time and must be uncovered again
Thin veiny maps direct me to my destination A comma after veiny
I am a means to an end. This again. It's confusing
The key to life is in the manner I uncover:
In the absence of hesitation.
I long to be
Much more than just another hospitalization
And much less than just another animation
The voices that resound in my head
Long for me to end this meaningless
Empty.
Rotation.
The words engraved in my skin
Bleed for self-actualization.

I liked this poem; very original and none of the regular cliches. I don't know if this is free verse or you intended for a wacky rhyme scheme so I can't comment on the rhyme. Anyways, there are a couple problems with meter and the flow; some lines are just too long. Still, I like it and welcome to YWS!

Keep writign -- Delanie

I like this poem, I agree some of the lines didn't make sense but that may just be me. Good poem though.
Jenn

Right off the bat, I'm going to say that although sometimes messing around with the format is a style thing, all it does here is make this hard to read and basically a pain to the reader.

Beloved wrote:

I clench my fists to see the veins pop
In my gauze wrapped wrists Doesn't flow well.
Because there are words engraved in skin This sentence is carrying on much to far.
That only blood can allow me to see
I long to be What?
More to someone than a means to an end Doesn't make sense.
I long to hear
More than the lonely voices that resound in my head Too long.
I long to see
More than meaningless words engraved in skin
That scar over in time and must be uncovered again I don't think "uncovered" is the right word here.
Thin, veiny maps direct me to my destination
I am a means to an end.
The key to life is in the manner I uncover: Huh?
In the absence of hesitation.
I long to be
Much more than just another hospitalization Too long.
And much less than just another animation
The voices that resound in my head
Long for me to end this meaningless
Empty.
Rotation.
The words engraved in my skin
Bleed for self-actualization.

'Kay. Keep writing.

-Kafka

Hey. The font size makes it look pretty, but unfortunately, it's a little hard to read.
Saw that you're thinking of deleting your account. It'll be a pity if you do, because I like this poem, and I won't be able to read anymore of your work. If you're thinking of going on a hiatus or something, you should keep this account, and then log in whenever that spark hits you again. But if it's because of the reviews you got for this piece, don't worry! They're not personal attacks. YWSers help shape people into better writers because of them, or they can be taken as feedback by the writer and put to good use in their next piece. We're all human, so we don't know everything. (Regarding the 'means to an end' phrase.)

I long to be
More to someone than a means to an end

For example, I know what 'means to an end' means, but I was always under the impression that it was more for activities than human beings.

I am a means to an end.

I think it's 'I am but a means to an end.' Ah, I think I've heard this somewhere before.

Everyone brings something new to this website, so here's hoping you'll stay. Write on my wall if you post something new. I'd love to read it.
Keep writing!