Fear thy government, our God

Spoiler

This poem is experimental for me in that I've never done anything like it. Virtually every word is derived from either George W. Bush's address on 9/11, or Deuteronomy 6 and 12 (King James Version).

It is a dark examination of rhetoric on the surface and much more on the inside. Let me know what you think.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?se ... ersion=KJV
http://articles.cnn.com/2001-09-11/us/b ... s?_s=PM:US

Fellow citizens,
Thou shalt be open for business,
lest the anger of the terrorists continue.
Fear thy government, our God,
that he might preserve freedom.
Peace and security shall be in thine heart.
For America is a jealous nation.

The victims: burnt offerings.
Moms and dads. Friends and neighbors.
Sons and their daughters
they have burnt in the fire to their gods.

Cast out all thine enemies.
Ye shall utterly destroy all the places, wherein
the nations harbor terrorists, and dwell in their land.
Thou mayest kill thousands of lives,
those responsible for acts of mass murder.
Doest that which is good and right
in the eyes of the financial institutions.

Thou shalt pour blood,
on behalf of the American people,
all those whose safety and security has been threatened.
Do so unto defend the members of Congress.

Citizens, thy herds,
bring your tithes, prayers, and offerings.
Condemn human nature and justice,
which He hateth.
God bless America.

Hey there Truth here for a review!

Cast out all thine enemies.
Ye shall utterly destroy all the places, wherein
the nations harbor terrorists, comma and dwell in their land.
Thou mayest kill thousands of lives,
those responsible for acts of mass murder.
Doest that which is good and right
in the eyes of the financial institutions. I don't really see the relevance of this, something more powerful might fit better there... Just some thought of course

That's pretty much all I have to say. I loved this completely, it's brilliant. It's a great representation of the United States' fervent nationalism and reactions after the 9/11. I'm not a fan of the the 'thines' 'thy' 'dost' and all that but I do like the feeling it's giving this piece. Good job!

Keep on writing!

-Truth-

Hey Inkwell,
Wow. This was really good and, well...interesting. Is this an anti-Bush poem? I figured because of "mass murder" and things like that. I think this was really clever and you're definately a great writer if you were able to put this together. I'm sorry that I have no criticizm for you. Although, I am a conservative, and if you would like to have a political discussion you can always PM me. xD.
-Alex

Really cool, though you are missing a period at the end of the second stanza-it's something new that I've never seen, taking a modern speech and a biblical passage and combining to present an opinion or an idea or whatever---though I might lose the "thees and thous" because they just blur what you are talking about...

don't really know if I agree with you, but that doesn't matter, here are the other things I enjoyed here...


The short sentences in the 2nd stanza, they each stand alone and are as important, or unimportant as each other and everybody else...

how you make it like a speech...

how you place God against the wars, because God does stand for nature and justice, the irony in the last stanza...

what I didn't like was, even though I am a Christian and therefore against all war---most people these days, and sadly even many Christians support war if it is a "righteous" thing, like if you've been attacked first, even though I think America provoked Jihadists, but this isn't a political discussion- that you kind of made as much a pro-war argument as you did an anti-war one with these lines--


1) "Thou mayest kill thousands of lives,
those responsible for acts of mass murder."

Why shouldn't mass murderers be punished?

2) " Thou shalt pour blood,
on behalf of the American people,
all those whose safety and security has been threatened."

Shouldn't innocent people have the right to defend themsevles, as about 98% of average Americans are

3) "Condemn human nature and justice,"

How is fighting against dicators like Saddam and terrorists condemning human nature and justice? They are the ones who have been killing millions of innocents...

strong poem with a great structure, the whole sentence form with the trailing line at the end, but I think you leave too much open in your argument, for pro-war people to pick at, as I just did (though I am not pro-war in any circumstance, I pride myself on being pragmatic though)

BIAS?---

4) "in the eyes of the financial institutions..." "...Do so unto defend the members of Congress."

I'm pretty sure 99 and a half out of every 100 serviceman over there, if not all of them aren't fighting for congress or wall street, this isn't WWI, they're over there because they believe America is good and the Jihadists are evil, with lines like these you just make yourself sound like every other radical, America-hating all-the-way leftist liberal (liberals aren't bad, but the radical ones are, just like the radical conservatives are...)

Great poem, but I don't agree with the idea.

PMed the rest of you, thanks for reviews.

Bolshevik wrote:Really cool, though you are missing a period at the end of the second stanza-it's something new that I've never seen, taking a modern speech and a biblical passage and combining to present an opinion or an idea or whatever---though I might lose the "thees and thous" because they just blur what you are talking about...

Nice catch on the period.


what I didn't like was, even though I am a Christian and therefore against all war---most people these days, and sadly even many Christians support war if it is a "righteous" thing, like if you've been attacked first, even though I think America provoked Jihadists, but this isn't a political discussion- that you kind of made as much a pro-war argument as you did an anti-war one with these lines--

These are not my words. Lol! just kidding...
But really, I would suggest reading the passages I cite. The "killing thousands" was from the Bible, and the "mass murder" was Bushs description of the "evil acts". The whole point is to reveal ironic hypocrisy and possible moral oddities of Christianity.


1) "Thou mayest kill thousands of lives,
those responsible for acts of mass murder."

Why shouldn't mass murderers be punished?
Once again, that's like saying, why shouldn't America be punished for the hundreds of thousands of innocent casualties it caused. The whole idea is that any sense of order in the speech deteriorates into moral ambiguity and absurd demagoguery. This is made conclusive in the last stanza when the speech takes on Big Brother characteristics like "War is Peace."

2) " Thou shalt pour blood,
on behalf of the American people,
all those whose safety and security has been threatened."

Shouldn't innocent people have the right to defend themsevles, as about 98% of average Americans are
From what and to what extent? I tried to tie it back to the primitive sacrificial culture of the Bible in which God says "Without the shedding of Blood, there is no forgiveness"

3) "Condemn human nature and justice,"

How is fighting against dicators like Saddam and terrorists condemning human nature and justice? They are the ones who have been killing millions of innocents...

And here lies the confusion that any reasonable person notices when they actually analyze cable news and the inside politics of America. More than anything I'm glad this provoked some kind of thought.

4) "in the eyes of the financial institutions..." "...Do so unto defend the members of Congress."

I'm pretty sure 99 and a half out of every 100 serviceman over there, if not all of them aren't fighting for congress or wall street, this isn't WWI, they're over there because they believe America is good and the Jihadists are evil, with lines like these you just make yourself sound like every other radical, America-hating all-the-way leftist liberal (liberals aren't bad, but the radical ones are, just like the radical conservatives are...)

Some are there to pay the bills, many come (whom I know or have had the pleasure to meet) back condemning the war. The question becomes, in whose interest are things done?

Great poem, but I don't agree with the idea.

The idea is essentially nothing, I probably could have randomly generated this poem and gotten the same results and that's why it's so experimental to me. Even I am not sure how to respond to certain bold lines and juxtapositions. It almost becomes a kind of weird metaphor. If anything it provokes reexamination in my opinion, due to the exaggerated (or not) nature of it.