Lightning

This poem describes perfectly how I felt when my ex and I broke up. And I'm sure it describes how people all over the world have felt after a break up as well.
First of all, even though it happened a while ago, I'm sorry about you and your ex. I'm not really one to give comfort for I hate getting it myself, but it happens to everyone, your not alone. I hope that helps somehow.
Now to the poem.
For such a cliche subject of Love you really made it your own, original piece. I love the reference to 'lightning' throughout the piece, that is a very exact way of describing an event like breaking up, but in a way I've never heard it described before.
I love the lines,

Did you mean it,
When you said you loved me?
And if you loved me so,
Why did you not fight to keep me,
When I said it was over?

That's beautiful.
Well done. This is a great poem.
Keep it up =]

Marrzi

A shock. The periods are too abrupt. It. Makes. It. Choppy.
Like lightning. a bit cliche with the spark being compared to lightening
Leaps from your hand to mine.

What does it mean?
Is it true what she said? she? Who is that?
That it meant true love? You just changed form present to past tense. From leaps to meant.
Or was it just static electricity?

Did you feel it too?
When our hands touched
And that spark flew
From you to me?

Did you mean it,
When you said you loved me?
And if you loved me so,
Why did you not fight to keep me, The language in this stanza is too simple.
When I said it was over?

Why did you let me go,
If you loved me so? You've already talked about this.
Why didn't you stop me?

I know that they say,
"If you love something, let it go."
But I did not want you
To let me go. seems like you're whining.. make the language more poetic

I wanted you to show
That you really cared. I like the dramatic ending but again, language could be improved

'Ello there!

A shock.
Like lightning. The first. Two. Line. Read. Like. This. All choppy and such. Bleh.
Leaps from your hand to mine.

What does it mean?
Is it true what she said?
That it meant true love?
Or was it just static electricity? Good flow through the first three lines, then the last one just breaks up. It's like an abrupt stop.

Did you feel it too?
When our hands touched
And that spark flew
From you to me? Like.

Did you mean it,
When you said you loved me?
And if you loved me so,
Why did you not fight to keep me,
When I said it was over? Again, the last line is just cut off.

Why did you let me go,
If you loved me so?
Why didn't you stop me? Good.

I know that they say,
"If you love something, let it go."
But I did not want you
To let me go. Meh.

I wanted you to show
That you really cared. Fair ending.

Overall, it was not to shabby. I'd revise it a bit to make it more flowing.

Keep writin'!

--LPR

aahh I really like this!!
great write..