Untitled 11-02-05

she finds herself beneath
the waves that ripple across
the expansive, open sea
her skin pickled from the
briney immersion

she's tried to kill herself before
something only small-child-spaces
know of

the long white sleeves of her dress
weigh her down
and the gathering storm of
suffocation breaches through
a wall of calm thoughts

I won't be here in the morning
she tells herself letting the pressure
swallow her whole

Oof. Very ambiguous piece (which really is a matter of opinion as to whether that is good or bad.) When I read the poem, my imagination develops an odd collage of images, colors and visualizations. Other than the poem being about death, I cannot see any specific purpose to the poem itself. It reminds me of, say, abstract paintings or avant garde music. Abstract poetry, huzzah! If that was your intention, I can't argue with creativity. I cannot see anything specific that should be edited, because every single question I would pose is a matter of creative interest, things that would normally apply in a story or essay, but can be overlooked in the cloudy land of poetry. Nice work! Spooky, ethereal, perhaps mystic. Maybe my imagination is just running with it too much trying to find a point.

~Tarver

Oof. Very ambiguous piece (which really is a matter of opinion as to whether that is good or bad.) When I read the poem, my imagination develops an odd collage of images, colors and visualizations. Other than the poem being about death, I cannot see any specific purpose to the poem itself. It reminds me of, say, abstract paintings or avant garde music. Abstract poetry, huzzah! If that was your intention, I can't argue with creativity. I cannot see anything specific that should be edited, because every single question I would pose is a matter of creative interest, things that would normally apply in a story or essay, but can be overlooked in the cloudy land of poetry. Nice work! Spooky, ethereal, perhaps mystic. Maybe my imagination is just running with it too much trying to find a point.

~Tarver

thanks Soni.

cheers CL