I called you lover, you called me forever.

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From the lips of people we say we love,

there are words of eternity,

of certainty, anxiety.

Your warmth with mine,

fingers intertwined,

eyes flashing a look of crushing depth,

smiles that we whisper risque things about.

A headless serpent,

writhing, twisting, undulating

trying to escape without wanting escape.

Your heartbeat, beating it’s way through your chest,

ribs stressed from lungs shuddering

as I taste every inch.

Pressed into affection

stubborn yet plyable

know just where to feel,

grasp,

caress.

Curves followed with a tender hand,

feeling each-other’s life

with every bruise,

every callous,

every scar.

There is no power here

only vulnerability

except one is willing to be harsh.

Harsh breathing,

harsh lips,

harsh hips,

harsh love.

Formless yet definite.

Shameless and uncaring, still hidden away.

What do we call lovers

who don’t say I love you?

Lovers, still,

just with imperfect intentions.
A story's not a story till you've made it up you see.
Look Mexico.




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Oh my! That was amazing! I felt that I was in a different world. despite that the fact I have never been a relationship or kissed some one, I can still see and understand the purpose of this poem. The imagery is esspecially very strong. I think you should write more poems, maybe on adventure this time! I give you a big thumbs up!
Run and tell that! .... Home boy!




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Gender Male
Points 67823
Reviews 254
Hello there Eraqio....
We shall directly step down for the review.. Here we go...

From the lips of people, we say we love,lips of people? Then whose lips will you use if not a person's?

there are words of eternity,these are words for eternity

of certainty, anxiety.

Your warmth with mine,

fingers intertwined,

eyes flashing a look of crushing depth,

smiles that we whisper risque things about.smiles that whisper about risqué

A headless serpent,

writhing, twisting, undulating

trying to escape without wanting escape.[color=#4000FF]Wanting doesn't sound good. Try using desiring[/color]

Your heartbeat, beating its way through your chest,

ribs stressed from lungs shuddering

as I taste every inch.Taste every inch of what??

Pressed into affection

stubborn yet plyableDid you mean playable over here?

know just where to feel,

grasp,

caress.

Curves followed with a tender hand,

feeling each-other’s lifefeeling each other's life's

with every bruise,every bruise

every callous,

every scar.

There is no power here

only vulnerability

except one is willing to be harsh.Couldn't quite get this line?

Harsh breathing,

harsh lips,

harsh hips,Eh! Harsh hips? How can hips be harsh? Work on this.

harsh love.

Formless yet definite.

Shameless and uncaring, still hidden away.

What do we call lovers

who don’t say I love you?

Lovers, still,Lovers, with imperfect intentions.

just with imperfect intentions.


It was a good piece but i could not understand why did you write it in a lyrical form? You could break it into paragraphs. It would look better in paragraphs. You better try working on it one more time and i am sure it would be a lot better after you change a few things in it. But, all in all it was good piece. Nice imagery.
Keep writing. :)
Are you living for the things you are praying for?



No great thing is created suddenly. There must be time. Give your best and always be kind.
— Epictetus