Betrayal

I can't believe what is happening
Everything used to be so good
You dont' care enough to find time
So i shouldn't waste mine worrying
I would stop worrying, but i can't
The road seems to travel on and on

Now i see how you really are
You dont' care for me, like i thought you did
Now i see it was all a lie
The love song
All those love letters
All those long afternoons

Now i finally see, it was all a lie
I can't believe how blind i was
I can't believe i never saw the signs
All those days you were never there
I didn't know you were with her
All that lost time

How could i be so blind?
Now i lay here missing you
You never told me
And i never asked
I thought it was all good
I thought it was all perfect

I never saw through your lies
I never saw the real reason you had to leave
Never thought you'd do that to me
I always thoght you were satisfied
I never saw this coming
Never expected this

What do you expect me to do now?
I'm glad you're finally happy
Look at me...
Is this what you wanted to happen?
Did you want to see me like this?
Here I am...torn and broken hearted

Enjoy your life
We are through
I wish I could forget you
I gave you my heart, and you ripped it into pieces
I trusted you with something fragile
Something not completely healed

I can't stop crying
The shock, the hurt
I hurt so bad, so much
My tears keep falling
Like a rainstorm, that never ends
I see no end to this rainstorm

So, i just lay here sinking , deeper into misery
Torn, and hurt
How could you hurt me like this?
How could you do this to me?

Hi there.
I'm really sorry if this is going to seem harsh. This is actually... bad, in my opinion. it's empty. i couldn't feel what you felt. I couldn't see it happen. You repeat yourself too often. Capitalize the I's. Don't is spelled this way.

I can't stop crying

The shock, the hurt

I hurt so bad, so much

My tears keep falling

Like a rainstorm, that never ends

I see no end to this rainstorm

This one is a good example of you, repeating yourself. A rainstorm that never ends, so you don't see the end of it. We got that on the forth line.

I'm really sorry, but this almost reached the line of okay, but it didn't made in. review it. or even delete it. And right, express your feelings in a different way, because this one isn't working. As it is a common theme, it's hard to work on.
Well, Pm me if you need anything. Sorry if I was too harsh.
Keep writing

Good Ma'am,

I'm obviously no pro at poetry, but this is my opinion.

I don't think this is bad. I think you have a misunderstanding here. You're word use leads me to believe that you never actually experienced something like this, I feel like you have no voice in what you are saying. The feeling feels shallow. I guess, something like that.

I forgot to hit quote so I'm just going to copy paste and it won't look as pretty X: Sorry but ya. I'm going to use this first stanza? (Whatever their called xD) as an example of what I mean.

"I can't believe what is happening
Everything used to be so good" / I actually liked your first line, and your second line too X: they let me know what's up with ya xD

"You dont' care enough to find time
So i shouldn't waste mine worrying
I would stop worrying, but i can't
The road seems to travel on and on"

What I was trying to say though starts here. When you say "You don't care enough to find time" It sounds to me like it's said done and over with. I understand the concept might be finite in a fit of rage (But don't even seem that you're angry or anything here) You seem to be speaking to the person here though so aren't you trying to clear things up? And if your trying to clear things up why are the decisions definite like this. It confuses me and overall takes you out of the moment.

And you say, "So I shouldn't waste mine worrying / I would stop worrying, but I can't" Now I understand exactly what you were trying to do here but because you seem so detached. It's almost like you were trying to write your half of the conversation between the two of you but then you decided that his part did not matter at all. Like you were asking yourself these things in your mind as questions and then came to a conclusion on your own. It's like your lying to yourself or something actually didn't occur because of how your addressing the issue.

"The road seems to travel on and on" This in my head just accentuates the fact here that you either A) Had no idea what was actually going on, or B) Were making the conversation up on your own as some sort of ironic twist

That's pretty much how the entire thing went for me. I MEAN if you wrote it that way on purpose cool, but if you were trying to do it another way then I think you need to work on it more and focus on what exactly was occurring and work on seeing it from more than one view or something. I don't feel your voice at all in this. A good poem will usually make me feel like I know a person. As of now though I do not even know if it made you sad at all.

I hope that helps!

Thank you though for putting you work on this site, I appreciate it a lot. This was not horrible, it was just lacking a bit, and I thank you sharing with us. It can be rather uncomfortable sometimes. I look forward to seeing more from you!

Hey Suzy!! Just came to read your poem!
First things first, I know other reviews said the same but oh well, make sure your punctuation
marks are correct. It gets a little annoying to see a capilatized "I" then a lower case one
directly afterwards. Also, make sure you're apostrophes are in the right placement.

One thing that I would change is to cut this poem in half or into several different poems.
After a while, having a long poem could start to drag on and you might loose the reader.
Only from a few setbacks, like repeating yourself, I enjoyed reading it! Even if it took a while to get through.

Keep writing, Suzy! Maybe submit a story or something! You will get better as time goes on, just keep
everyone's advice in mind and you should do great.

Thanks! And its not harsh, if something needs to be fixed I would like to be told. So no worries.