Not Just a Piece of Plastic

Spoiler

This is a poem I wrote a couple of days ago for English class. It isn't perfect, but I had a lot of fun writing it. I thought it was worth posting here.

I sit there, abandoned;
That thing you never use.
I wish I could escape this place:
Be the thing that you lose.

I sit counting the degrees
Of which I get neglect
And when your teacher nags you to
I'm the one you select.

I know I'm treated better
Than others of my kind.
I'm not scratched, broken, beaten
Or always left behind.

I'm not some little ruler
That'll rule that tiny line
And when you treat me like one
I have reason to whine.

I know I can help you find
That highest common factor,
But please, spare some love for
Your poor little protractor.

I sit there, abandoned; "Sit" is bland...I think "lie" might be better. Also, this line in general is pretty cliched.
That thing you never use. You could put in a stronger word here in the place of "thing." Perhaps "trash" or something like that.
I wish I could escape this place, Not a huge fan of this line.
Be the thing that you lose.

I am counting the degrees
Of which I get neglect
And when your teacher nags you to To...what?
I'm the one you select.

I know I'm treated better
Than others of my kind.
I'm not scratched, broken, beaten
Or always left behind. This stanza is so bland. The rhythm combined with the word choice and line breaks make me want to want to vomit.

I'm not some little ruler
That'll rule that tiny line Good.
And when you treat me like one
I have reason to whine. Not sure protractors (I read ahead) can whine.

I know I can help you find
That highest common factor, Excellent.
But please, spare some love for
Your poor little protractor. This line's a bit shorter than the rest.

Good job! Keep writing.

-Kafka

Hello there!

I simply love the theme. Who but a most creative writer would find some time to write about that poor little protractor?

Your subtle rhyming is really well done. None of it seems forced or out of place. It just fits right into the poem, and is perfect for a short poem.

However, the fluency of the poem could be better. When I read it, it is hard to find a rhythm, a consistent beat. Sometimes the ends of lines are in slightly the wrong place, giving some stanzas a choppy sound. Also, there was a simple typo in the second stanza:

Is sit counting the degrees

Oops!

Anyways, I like the humorous character of this poem, and again, what a wonderful choice for a theme!

-Lili

Thanks for the reviews! I'm pretty sure I'll be editing it a bit more for the project I have to do on a poem I have written (which looks to be this one so far, definitely my favourite).

Hi senseiawesome,

This was such a great poem! A little nit-pick, read over it a maybe expand some lines by a word or two, just to get the timing right. But otherwise, I loved the mature, emotional and dramatic rhyming scheme you showed-off, only to end it with a good burst of humour! LOVE IT!

Best wishes for future writing!

RedLeaf

Haha, this is awesome on such a nerdy level. Anyway, I was reading it trying to figure out what was talking, hadn't figured out it was a protractor until the end. This was cute, and as far as corrections, I would say that everyone else has covered it spot-on. Tweek the beginning a little and I think you'll have a really good poem.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

For all who do not know sensiunawesome, she loves her protractor.

It's humbling to see a poem written about a protractor. Normally it's hard for me to read poems about mundane things, but this is so well written that it works. The rhyming flows nice, and the words you chose brought life to an inanimate object- quite a feat, if I do say so myself! At first I didn't even know what you were talking about; from the title I assumed it was going to be about "plastic" girls at school. This, however, was a pleasant surprise. Keep up the good work!

Thanks for the advice guys =)
Except you Vicky. Stick to using library computers for school work rather than going on YWS.