Mary In The Rain

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 60
Mary loved the rain
She loved the songs it made
At the windowsill
She'd hum along
She knew each note
always in tune
Drip drop drip drop
She danced as it hit the
ground
And if she wanted to dance
along outside
She'd call for her rain boots
No coat
She never liked the coat
And from the windowsill
I would watch her dance
Watch the mud tickle her boots
Watch the rain kiss her hair
She never danced around puddles
She loved to splash right in them
And sing along
And dance along
Mary in the rain

The day she left
the rain sang her goodbye
The pitter patter
The drip drip drop
and I watched her from the
windowsill
I waved but she couldn't see me
From the umbrella
Drip drip drop drop
and she was gone
and then the rain stopped

I sit sometimes by the windowsill
Hoping she'll come about
but neither rain nor Mary
appear
but I wait
Looking out,
Maybe it'll bring her back
Send her back
Maybe just maybe
The pitter patter pitter patter
will come along with Mary
Mama says she isn't coming
Maybe its cause of the drought
That's what's keeping her away

I clean her boots
and wipe the window
ready for her return
and then I kneel and
say a prayer
I say a prayer to the Rainmaker
to send the drops of life
so that Mary will come about
and dance in them
and sing along
and sing along
I ask for the grayest of
clouds
and the rainiest of rains
cause if with it comes Mary
she'll never leave again.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 7415
Reviews 117
This is such a well-written poem, it almost made me cry. Mary really comes out as a character, developed so that it almost feels that I know her personally.

Most of the poem flows really well, but I think the first stanza needs some tweaks.

Mary loved the rain
She loved the songs it made These two opening lines are a bit weak. I don't think they introduce the poem very well. The fluency could be improved along with word choice to better express the emotion that follows.
At the windowsill
She'd hum along
She knew each note
always in tune
Drip drop drip drop
She danced as it hit the
ground
And if she wanted to dance
along outside
She'd call for her rain boots
No coat
She never liked the coat
And from the windowsill
I would watch her dance
Watch the mud tickle her boots
Watch the rain kiss her hair
She never danced around puddles
She loved to splash right in them
And sing along
And dance along
Mary in the rain This stanza improved greatly as it went along. I also like the repetition of the title as a nice finish to the stanza.


Also, the second stanza did a great job of introducing the main subject of the poem, and not too spread out and vague, which is a difficult thing to accomplish.

Overall, with a check of the smoothness of the poem and some adjustments to the first stanza, this is a simply wonderful poem. Keep it up!

-Lili
New to YWS? Check out The Buddy System!

Want to know what's going on around here? Visit Squills - the YWS News

Join The Storybook Revolution...Help revive the Storybooks!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 60
wow your comment really made my day. i just wrote that poem an hour ago in ten minutes so there is a lot of improving to do but as soon as I wrote the last word I was in love. in awe with my own work, is that vanity? hehehe. Thank you a lot, I'll listen more and learn as much as I can.
Thanks.
xx Upile xx



You can not put the entire Bee Movie in the quote generator.
— alliyah