Longing for a lost Lover

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Longing for a lost lover

Thunder, I’m a spirit who wanders the universe on my own
Through eternity, dear Thunder, I walk alone.
Thou are not, Thunder, my owner.
Truth is, I’m a mere loner.

Thunder, you're longing for someone you cannot have,
I'm a mere shadow, I won't return your love.
I would instruct you not to ever wonder.
You'll get lost, when you see me yonder.

Thunder dear, you do not own me,
Because you see love, I am free.
Your love for me is stunning,
but I’ll keep running

- As you keep wonder, if I’ll ever be yours.
Last edited by Demoness on Fri Feb 18, 2011 12:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice." - Robert Frost




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Longing for a lost lover

Thunder, I’m a spirit who wanders the universe on my own
Through eternity, dear Thunder, I walk alone.
Thou are not, Thunder, my owner.
Truth is, I’m a mere loner.

Thunder, you're longing for someone you cannot have,
I'm a mere shadow, I won't return your love.
I would instruct you not to ever wonder,
You'll get lost, when you see me yonder.

Thunder dear, you do not own me,
Because you see, I am free.
My beloved Thunder,
I’ll keep wander. - It would have to be "wandering" which would kill the rhyme. I suggest you change it if you want to keep the rhyme.

- As you keep wonder, if I’ll ever be yours. Not so sure I quite understand this last one.


Hope this helped. I like the structure of it, as in, always getting smaller. However, try to choose your words a little better, especially if they don't really make sense, as in the last "wander".

I liked it though. Good job.
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User avatar
Gender Female
Points 8572
Reviews 424
...
"Some say the world will end in fire;
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice." - Robert Frost



they got that magical iridescence that you don't expect to be on a sky rat y'know
— Ari11