The Blue Tiger

My first time posting on this website :S Would really appreciate some suggestions even if they're harsh - but not too harsh xxx


The blue tiger

Her fierce red coat,
Illuminated by the crackling flames,
Her eager eyes,
Staring through the scattered trees,
Alone in a clearing,
Searching for a… friend (or so it seemed)
A crack of a twig,
Snapping her head round,
But it was only a thrush,


Minutes, hours ticking by…
Her heart grew more impatient,
Asking questions,
She knows not the answer to,
But she wished she did,
Her mind swum with excuses,
But her love was never to show.

A last breath,
A final cry,
Then the flames roared around,
Echoing the lonely silence with her pitying tears,
She roared with anger,
Cursing the world,
Promises broken,
But the pain was screaming from her heart,
And she fell to the ground,
Declaring her surrender.

And as she dropped,
The colours of fire that marbled her coat,
Started to swim around each other,
They floated and dove and then they rose,
Drifting through the sky,
Dancing with the stars.
A crack of thunder, a flash of light,
And all that was left,
Was a tiger,
Who had lost her final fight,
And whose fur reflected the colour of night.

Hi there! Here to review.

OK, I kind of like this piece of poetry. There's something about it. I just don't know what.

Her fierce red coat,
Illuminated by the crackling flames,
Her eager eyes,
Staring through the scattered trees,
Alone in a clearing,
Searching for a%u2026 friend (or so it seemed)
A crack of a twig,
Snapping her head round,
But it was only a thrush, You mean the bird, right?
Forgive the interruption. I don't really get this...maybe change it?

Minutes, hours ticking by%u2026
Her heart grew more impatient,
Asking questions,
She knows not the answer to,
But she wished she did,
Her mind swum with excuses,
But her love was never to show. Which love?

A last breath,
A final cry,
Then the flames roared around,
Echoing the lonely silence with her pitying tears,
She roared with anger,
Cursing the world,
Promises broken,
But the pain was screaming from her heart,
And she fell to the ground,
Declaring her surrender.

And as she dropped,
The colours of fire that marbled her coat,
Started to swim around each other,
They floated and dove and then they rose,
Drifting through the sky,
Dancing with the stars.
A crack of thunder, a flash of light,
And all that was left,
Was a tiger,
Who had lost her final fight,
And whose fur reflected the colour of night.

OK, so basically, I like where this is going, you just need to tighten it up. Try to pack as much meaning into as little words as possible, if you can rephrase sentences, try do so, let's see what comes out!

Hope I helped a little!