Draw Near To Me Chapters 8-9

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Hey everyone here is my next two chapters. I'm sorry I haven't posted in awhile but I was going through some tuff stuff. Well I'm now better and have found my insperation again. Hope you like it.

Chapter 8

I had to leave the hospital shortly after mine and Jason’s kiss. The nurse said that Jason needed his rest but he just rolled his eyes behind her back. I consented but before I left Jason pulled me close to him and kissed me again. When our kiss broke he pulled back just enough so he could whisper against my lips “Its ok. I’ll see you tomorrow. Okay?”

“When are you getting out?” I asked dieing to know the answer and scared at the same time.

“I’m supposed to get out tomorrow. I may even be at school part of the day.” Jason said as he smiled trying to reassure me.

I smiled back and walked out of the room with a quick wave. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and called my dad. When he answered he didn’t sound mad anymore so my grandma must have explained what happened. I only had to wait outside of the hospital a few minutes before my dad showed up in his truck.

When we got home I went and took a long hot shower. Once I got out I went to my room and checked for any missed messages. There was only one and it was from Rosalind, my best friend in the whole world. It said ‘hey sorry i wasnt at skool. b there tomorrow. luv ya.’

I didn’t feel like texting her back, I just felt like going to bed. I just pulled down my blanket and curled up in my bed. Today had been a very long and emotionally draining day.

The next morning I woke up surprisingly alert. I quickly straightened my hair and brushed a little mascara on my eyes. I quickly grabbed a t-shirt, jeans and my boots before heading to the kitchen for some breakfast.

I had to wait for my mom to finish getting ready before she could take me to the bus. I slid into a seat next to Taylor and tried to ignore her as she rehashed her date with Aaron the night before. She seemed to be a bit tipsy so I figured out what had happened that she wasn’t telling. Just listening to her talk about her date brought tears to my eyes. I was so worried about Jason; I hoped he would get out of the hospital soon.

I was very happy when we got to school and I could make a quick escape from Taylor. I got off the bus and practically ran to the building. As I walked into the building I saw Cammie and Brooke standing around my locker looking for me.

“Hey what’s up?” I asked as I smoothly slid the combination of my locker and opened it up.

“Not much. Hey how’s Jason?” Cammie asked looking concerned, Brooke looked concerned as well so Cammie must have told her what happened.

“He’s ok. He’s supposed to get out today.” I said sounding every bit as grateful as I felt. “Hey Cammie how did you know about the accident?” I asked curious.

“Umm him and Will were giving me a ride home. I was in the back so I walked away except for this.” Cammie said as she rolled up her pants leg to reveal some bad scrapes on her legs.

“Ouch! Rosalind!” I managed to say in the same breath as I saw my best friend walking through the door.

Rosalind and I had been friends since the 5th grade. She had transferred to my old school when her mom started teaching there and we had become friends instantly. Since then we have spent countless hours at each other’s houses and have become as close as sisters. This year she had decided to transfer to Skidmore instead of going to the god-forsaken school that is Beeville.

I ran towards Rosalind and we threw our arms around each other. We couldn’t quit smiling, so happy to see each other even though I had been to her house a few days before. “So what did I miss?” Rosalind asked in her high chipper voice.

I started to tell her about Jason and I as we walked back towards Cammie and Brooke. Every two seconds Roz interrupted me with shrieks and ear splitting squeals. While I was in the middle of my own story I remembered what Taylor had told me on the bus and I switched into full gossiper mode.

“Oh my god, you’ll never guess what I found out about Taylor!” I then went into a detailed recount of what Taylor had told me, and my own suspicions.

All of a sudden I felt someone’s hands cover my eyes and heard “hey Alls” in my ear. No one called me Alls because I couldn’t stand that nickname. I found it so boyish and masculine, I only allowed one person to call me that. Jared Hayes.

I never thought in a million years that Jared would come back. Last year his parents had gotten a divorce and he had moved with his dad to Harper, way up in the Hill Country. Jared had been one of my best guy friends last year and I loved him so much.

I turned around attempting to get the hands off my face and came face to face with Jared’s grinning face. I looked up and saw his infamous blazing red hair, his blue-green eyes and his familiar flirty grin.

“Hey Alls did you miss me?” Jared asked when I was too shocked to say anything.

“Oh my god! Yes I missed you! I’m so happy to see you!” I squealed as I threw my arms around his neck.

Jared wrapped his arms around my waist. When he attempted to pick me up and swing me around I realized that he had gotten several inched taller, he must be close to 6 foot. In amongst me being so surprised and happy Jared whispered something that made me freeze.

“I missed you too. A lot. You don’t know how much.” Jared whispered in my ear when he set me down. Those were the exact same words that Jason had whispered the day before. I realized that this semester might be a little trickier than I thought.

Chapter 9

All of a sudden the bell rang shocking me back to reality. Jared let me go and walked away, towards his 1st period, with a grin. I walked back to my locker and grabbed my book and binder and headed off to English with Rosalind.

I sat down in English in front of Roz. I opened my book as class started with every intention to pay attention. Roz made it almost impossible to keep my promise.

“Who was that?” Roz hissed in my ear obviously impatient.

“Jared” I answered in one word turning back to pay attention.

“That’s Jared Hayes?” Roz asked in a shocked hiss.

“Yeah. I told you about him.” I said trying to close the conversation, unsuccessfully.

“You never said he was that cute!” Roz practically shrieked in my ear.

I had never thought of Jared that way, I only ever saw Jared as a brother not as being cute. I turned around and just looked at Roz completely shocked. I just shook my head and turned back around in my seat. I couldn’t believe it. Roz likes Jared!!

I tried to ignore Roz for the rest of the class and tried to write the paper that was assigned to us. As I tried to write I kept hearing Roz say how cute Jared is. Eventually the bell rang and I tried to make a break for it, but Roz cornered me at my locker.

“Can you talk to him for me?” Roz asked with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Who?” I asked trying to play dumb.

“Jared that’s who!” Roz said getting aggravated.

“Ok” I said quickly making a break for the sanctuary that was my Ag class.

I got to Ag and sadly sat in my normal seat. I kept glancing back to Jason’s usual seat and I couldn’t believe it had only been one day. One day felt like a lifetime, one day could change everything. I sat there in my seat bored out of my mind, without Jason their Ag was pure torture.

Somehow between me whining and missing Jason the class ended. The bell rang and I sluggishly picked up my bag and walked across the hall to my next class. I walked through the door and went to my seat. As I sat there I started pining again, I really missed Jason right now. Why was it that I saw him everywhere? In the smile of one of my friends, in the blue eyes of the guy I sat next to in Ag and in the blonde hair of the girl behind me.

I was in my seat waiting for the class to start and trying to start my computer. I looked up from my computer screen when a flash of red caught my eye. I turned my head to see what it was and what I saw made me want to grind my teeth.

Why did I have to have this class with Jared? Don’t get me wrong, I love Jared but Jared is someone I have to take in small doses. Jared caught sight of me and flashed his grin as he came over and sat next to me. Why did that cursed chair have to be empty?!

“Hey Alls, how’s it going?” Jared asked as he smoothly slipped into the chair as if he owned it.

“Pretty good now that you’re here.” I said with a grin on my face. Why was I flirting with him? I was going out with Jason for crying out loud! Maybe its because its impossible to not flirt with Jared but I don’t know.

Jared just grinned back at me but turned towards his computer not saying anything. We sat in silence as we worked until Jared turned and asked me something.

“Alls, can I ask you something?” Jared asked sounding nervous.

“You already did” I answered sounding sarcastic. “But you can ask me something else.”

“What would you say if I asked you out?” Jared asked tripping over his own words and completely ignoring my first sarcastic remark.

“Jared . . .” I took a steadying breath. I had played this game before and had never won. “I’m sorry but I’d say no.” I finished feeling awful.

The look on his face almost crushed me. It was a mix of disappointment and heartache. Jared quickly got in control of his emotions and covered the hurt on his face except for his eyes. The pain never faded from his beautiful eyes. There was a brief moment of awkwardness before he dropped the subject and acted as if it had never happened.

We talked most of the class period avoiding any subject that had any depth to it. He told me all about Harper, and his friends there, as well as how much he had missed Skidmore. I said very little preferring to stay quiet and just listen to him talk, and remember why I had missed him in the first place.

The bell rang and class ended and I was stuck going to Chemistry. I was walking back to the building with Jared and he kept walking in step with me.

“What class do you have next?” I asked turning to face him.

“Physics” he said it like it was a dirty word.

“I have Chemistry, we can walk over together.” I said grinning at him.

He grinned back but just kept walking straight ahead. The rest of the walk to the building was pretty quiet. Even though Jared was being unusually quiet I had missed this part of mine and Jared’s friendship.

When we walked through the building and out the other door I saw someone I was totally not expecting. He had blond hair and blue eyes with a smile that made me go weak at the knee. I caught a glimpse of a blue cast and his left arm that was crossed over his chest, with a few stitches on his forehead.

Seeing Jason waiting for me outside of the Physics room made me forget about everything, even Jared who was telling me something at that moment. I’ll never know what because in that moment Jason got sight of me, and his smile widened. I knew that I had to be with him.

I ran towards Jason and into his awaiting arms. Somehow Jason picked me up and spun me around despite his cast. When he sat me down he looked deep into my eyes and I into his, and then he kissed me. For that moment I was in heaven but it didn’t last long.

What I saw when the kiss ended will haunt me for the rest of my life. The look on Jared’s face killed a part of me. The look last period was nothing compared to this. Jared looked totally destroyed and heartbroken as understanding washed over his face. In that moment a realization hit me as well. Jared had come back to Skidmore for me.
Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead :o <3




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Hello Allie!

I just saw that you posted these chapters, so I told myself I should do a little review for you. ;) You know how I work, right? Nitpicks, and an overall impression. And don't let me forget that I have to point out the good stuff in there! I always forget, and only point out the negative... What an horrible reviewer. ;)
AllieMeadows wrote:Hey everyone here is my next two chapters. I'm sorry I haven't posted in awhile but I was going through some tuff stuff. Well I'm now better and have found my inspiration again. Hope you like it.

Chapter 8

I had to leave the hospital shortly after mine and Jason’s our kiss. I think it sounds better like this. It's less confusing. The nurse said that Jason needed his rest but he just rolled his eyes behind her back. I consented but before I left comma Jason pulled me close to him and kissed me again. When our kiss broke he pulled back just enough so he could whisper against my lips “Its okay. I’ll see you tomorrow. Okay?” I don't think the first part is needed since he has too break the kiss in order to pull away. It's understood. :) Oh, and you wrote Okay two different ways... Try to choose one and stick with it.

“When are you getting out?” I asked comma dying to know the answer and scared at the same time.

“I’m supposed to get out tomorrow. I may even be at school part of the day.” Jason said as he smiled comma trying to reassure me.

I smiled back and walked out of the room with a quick wave. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and called my dad. When he answered comma he didn’t sound mad anymore so my grandma must have explained what happened. I only had to wait outside of the hospital a few minutes before my dad showed up in his truck.

When we got home comma I went and took a long hot shower. Once I got out comma I went to my room and checked for any missed messages. There was only one and it was from Rosalind, my best friend in the whole world. It said ‘hey sorry i wasnt at skool. b there tomorrow. luv ya.’

I didn’t feel like texting her back, I just felt like going to bed. I just pulled down my blanket and curled up in my bed. Today had been a very long and emotional day and it had left me completely drained. I changed the sentence a little bit... Hope you don't mind. :D

The next morning comma I woke up surprisingly alert. I quickly straightened my hair and brushed a little mascara on my eyes. I hastily grabbed a t-shirt, jeans and my boots before heading to the kitchen for some breakfast. Changed a word here because I felt like it was a little bit too repetitive.

I had to wait for my mom to finish getting ready before she could take me to the bus. I slid into a seat next to Taylor and tried to ignore her as she rehashed her date with Aaron the night before. She seemed to be a bit tipsy so I figured out what had happened that she wasn’t telling. Just listening to her talk about her date brought tears to my eyes. I was so worried about Jason; I hoped he would get out of the hospital soon.

I was very happy when we got to school and I could make a quick escape from Taylor. I got off the bus and practically ran to the building. As I walked into the building comma I saw Cammie and Brooke standing around my locker comma looking for me.

“Hey what’s up?” I asked as I smoothly slid the combination of my locker and opened it up.

“Not much. Hey how’s Jason?” Cammie asked comma looking concerned Period. Brooke looked concerned as well so Cammie must have told her what happened.

“He’s okay. He’s supposed to get out today.” I said comma sounding every bit as grateful as I felt. “Hey Cammie how did you know about the accident?” I asked comma curious.

“Umm comma him and Will were giving me a ride home. I was in the back so I walked away except for this.” Cammie said as she rolled up her pants leg to reveal some bad scrapes on her legs.

“Ouch! Rosalind!” I managed to say in the same breath as I saw my best friend walking through the door.

Rosalind and I had been friends since the 5th grade. She had transferred to my old school when her mom started teaching there and we had become friends instantly. Since then comma we had spent countless hours at each other's houses and have become as close as sisters. This year comma she had decided to transfer to Skidmore instead of going to the god-forsaken school that is Beeville.

I ran towards Rosalind and we threw our arms around each other. We couldn’t quit smiling, so happy to see each other even though I had been to her house a few days before. “So what did I miss?” Rosalind asked in her high chipper voice.

I started to tell her about Jason and I as we walked back towards Cammie and Brooke. Every two seconds comma Roz interrupted me with shrieks and ear splitting squeals. While I was in the middle of my own story comma I remembered what Taylor had told me on the bus and I switched into full gossiper mode.

“Oh my god, you’ll never guess what I found out about Taylor!” I then went into a detailed recount of what Taylor had told me, and my own suspicions.

All of a sudden I felt someone’s hands cover my eyes and heard “hey Alls” in my ear. No one called me Alls because I couldn’t stand that nickname. I found it so boyish and masculine, I only allowed one person to call me that. Jared Hayes.

I never thought in a million years that Jared would come back. Last year comma his parents had gotten a divorce and he had moved with his dad to Harper, way up in the Hill Country. Jared had been one of my best guy friends last year and I loved him so much.

I turned around comma attempting to get the hands off my face and came face to face with Jared’s grinning face. I looked up and saw his infamous blazing red hair, his blue-green eyes and his familiar flirty grin.

“Hey Alls did you miss me?” Jared asked when I was too shocked to say anything.

“Oh my god! Yes I missed you! I’m so happy to see you!” I squealed as I threw my arms around his neck.

Jared wrapped his arms around my waist. When he attempted to pick me up and swing me around comma I realized that he had gotten several inches taller, he must have been close to 6 foot. In amongst me being so surprised and happy comma Jared whispered something that made me freeze.

“I missed you too. A lot. You don’t know how much.” Jared whispered in my ear when he set me down. Those were the exact same words that Jason had whispered the day before. I realized that this semester might be a little trickier than I thought. Ohh... Nice way to end the chapter. ;)

Chapter 9

All of a sudden the bell rang comma shocking me back to reality. Jared let me go and walked away, towards his 1st period, with a grin. I walked back to my locker and grabbed my book and binder and headed off to English with Rosalind.

I sat down in English in front of Roz and opened my book as class started with every intention to pay attention. Roz made it almost impossible to keep my promise. I combined these two sentences to make it less choppy.

“Who was that?” Roz hissed in my ear obviously impatient.

“Jared” I answered in one word comma turning back to the from of the class to pay attention.

“That’s Jared Hayes?” Roz asked in a shocked hiss.

“Yeah. I told you about him.” I said trying to close the conversation, unsuccessfully.

“You never said he was that cute!” Roz practically shrieked in my ear.

I had never thought of Jared that way, I only ever saw Jared as a brother not as being cute. I turned around and just looked at Roz comma completely shocked. I just shook my head and turned back around in my seat. I couldn’t believe it. Roz likes Jared!

I tried to ignore Roz for the rest of the class and tried to write the paper that was assigned to us. As I tried to write comma I kept hearing Roz say how cute Jared is. Eventually the bell rang and I tried to make a break for it, but Roz cornered me at my locker.

“Can you talk to him for me?” Roz asked with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Who?” I asked comma trying to play dumb.

“Jared comma that’s who!” Roz said comma getting aggravated.

Okay” I said comma quickly making a break for the sanctuary that was my Ag class.

I got to Ag and sadly sat in my normal seat. I kept glancing back to Jason’s usual seat and I couldn’t believe it had only been one day. One day felt like a lifetime, one day could change everything. I like this sentence. That it shows that Allie knows that it's not that much time, but well, she still doesn't care 'cause she loves him. :) I sat there in my seat comma bored out of my mind, without Jason in here was pure torture.

Somehow between me whining and missing Jason comma the class ended. The bell rang and I sluggishly picked up my bag and walked across the hall to my next class. I walked through the door and went to my seat. As I sat there I started pining again, I really missed Jason right now. Why was it that I saw him everywhere? In the smile of one of my friends, in the blue eyes of the guy I sat next to in Ag and in the blonde hair of the girl behind me.

I was in my seat comma waiting for the class to start and trying to start my computer. I looked up from my computer screen when a flash of red caught my eye. I turned my head to see what it was and what I saw made me want to grind my teeth.

Why did I have to have this class with Jared? Don’t get me wrong, I loved Jared but Jared is someone I have to take in small doses. Jared caught sight of me and flashed his grin as he came over and sat next to me. Why did that cursed chair have to be empty?! Haha, funny. :)

“Hey Alls, how’s it going?” Jared asked as he smoothly slipped into the chair as if he owned it.

“Pretty good now that you’re here.” I said with a grin on my face. Why was I flirting with him? I was going out with Jason for crying out loud! Maybe its because it's impossible to not flirt with Jared comma but I don’t know.

Jared just grinned back at me but turned towards his computer not saying anything. We sat in silence as we worked until Jared turned and asked me something.

“Alls, can I ask you something?” Jared asked comma sounding nervous.

“You already did” I answered comma sounding sarcastic. “But you can ask me something else.”

“What would you say if I asked you out?” Jared asked comma tripping over his own words and completely ignoring my first sarcastic remark.

“Jared . . .” I took a steadying breath. I had played this game before and had never won. “I’m sorry but I’d say no.” I finished comma feeling awful.

The look on his face almost crushed me. It was a mix of disappointment and heartache. Jared quickly got in control of his emotions and covered the hurt on his face except for his eyes. The pain never faded from his beautiful eyes. There was a brief moment of awkwardness before he dropped the subject and acted as if it had never happened. Aw... Poor little guy. :(

We talked most of the class period comma avoiding any subject that had any depth to it. He told me all about Harper, and his friends there, as well as how much he had missed Skidmore. I said very little comma preferring to stay quiet and just listen to him talk, and remember why I had missed him in the first place.

The bell rang and class ended and I was stuck going to Chemistry. I was walking back to the building with Jared and he kept walking in step with me.

“What class do you have next?” I asked comma turning to face him.

“Physics” he said it like it was a dirty word.

“I have Chemistry, we can walk over together.” I said comma grinning at him.

He grinned back but just kept walking straight ahead. The rest of the walk to the building was pretty quiet. Even though Jared was being unusually quiet comma I had missed this part of our friendship. The no talking part? I'm confused...

When we walked through the building and out the other door comma I saw someone I was totally not expecting. He had blond hair and blue eyes with a smile that made me go weak at the knee. I caught a glimpse of a blue cast and his left arm that was crossed over his chest, with a few stitches on his forehead.

Seeing Jason waiting for me outside of the Physics room made me forget about everything, even Jared who was telling me something at that moment. I’ll never know what because in that moment comma Jason got sight of me, and his smile widened. I knew that I had to be with him.

I ran towards Jason and into his awaiting arms. Somehow comma Jason picked me up and spun me around despite his cast. When he set me down comma he looked deep into my eyes and I into his, and then he kissed me. For that moment I was in heaven but it didn’t last long.

What I saw when the kiss ended will haunt me for the rest of my life. The look on Jared’s face killed a part of me. The look last period was nothing compared to this. Jared looked totally destroyed and heartbroken as understanding washed over his face. In that moment comma a realization hit me as well. Jared had come back to Skidmore for me.

Wow... I'm speechless. :) Well, story wise, thanks for the complications! I like them. ;)
Grammar wise, well your major mistake is probably punctuation. Make sure you check that out, and correct all those commas. :)

Keep it up!

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466




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hey, great job on these two chapters, i was dying to read them, thank god for the feed tab on my profile ^_^

i did notice one mistake though
I realized that he had gotten several inched taller



I'm thinking that should be inches but it's an easy mistake, the D and the S button are right next to each other on the keyboard, so don't beat yourself up about it

the story is really good, and the whole thing with Jared coming back for her is really good, it gives the story that little bit more spice! again well done and PLEASE don't take too long on the next chapters!
The last person to mess with me and my tigerness lost his face...and his COOKIES!




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i love the twists that you have given in the storyline. and its good that you have reduced the pace of the story telling. it gives time to me to wrap it up in my mind.....its very good ....:-) :-D
and i would suggest that you could type your story in Microsoft word (or something equivalent) it will help you improve in phrasing your sentences, that's what it did for me (i was very bad at phrasing myself).
i hope it proves helpful. :-D :-)
p.s. i'm loving the story more and more
every time i read it.......




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Hi Allie!!!! Here to review ch. 8-9


1.
Spoiler

I had to leave the hospital shortly after mine and Jason First kiss.


2.
Spoiler
I asked dieing to know the answer and scared

dying


3.
Spoiler
I had to wait for my mom to finish getting ready before she could take me to the bus. I slid into a seat next to Taylor

Are they in the car or the bus? who exactly is Taylor? Is she a sister, friend what?


4.
Spoiler

Not much. Hey how JasonCammie asked looking concerned, Brooke looked concerned as well so Cammie must have told her what happened.

you really need to completly re-word this.

"Not much. How's Jason?" Cammie said, exchanging a worried glance with Brooke.this flows a lot better. Ya see?


5.
Spoiler
He ok. He's supposed to get out today. I said sounding every bit as grateful as I felt. Hey Cammie how did you know about the accident? I asked curious.


you say Hey a lot. Be careful of that.


6.
Spoiler

started teaching there and we had become friends instantly. Since then we have spent countless hours at each houses and have become as close as sisters. This year she had decided to transfer to Skidmore instead of going to the god-forsaken school that is Beeville.


Okay. you really need to work on flow. your sentances are really jerky. Try something like this:

Started teaching there and we had become friends instantly. Over the years, we've become as close as sisters, always at each other's house. This year, instead of going to the school in Beeville, she transfered to Skidmore, to be with me and all our other friends.See? re-wording might look scary, but its acutally easy.If you need help, you can always PM me. I would be happy to help.


7.
Spoiler
"Jared," I answered

okay, I don't know if I've told you this before but you really need to learn these rules:
Look at these
1."Jared," I said
2."Jared" I said
3. "Jared." I said

4. "Hi!" She said
5. "Hi," She waved.
6. "Hi." she said

The bolded ones (2. and 6.) are wrong. the rest are correct.
why?
1 is right because theres a comma where ever a period, exclamtion point or question mark doesn't work there HAS to be a comma.
2 is wrong because there is not comma, exclamtion point or question mark
3 is right becuase there is a period
4 is wrong becuase the She is capitilized. that is wrong.
5. is correct because its an action actions are always capitalized. (or so I've been told)
6. is right becuase there is a period AND the she is NOT capitalized.
I know its hard, but you'll get it.


8.
Spoiler
Why was I flirting with him? I was going out with Jason for crying out loud! Maybe its because its impossible to not flirt with Jared but I don’t know.


9.
Spoiler
I said very little preferring to stay quiet and just listen to him talk, and remembered why I had missed him in the first place.



Well, I love how you threw Jared in there for a twist!

On to chapter 10-11!!!
let me know when the next chapters are out!

~Pointe
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


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Hi!
Sorry it took so long to review your story, really busy this week!
I really enjoyed it, the twist with a new guy coming in to the story was brilliant!
And the cliffhanger was amazing too!
But, when Jared just enters the story, I feel that it is going a little too fast. You should slow it down a little and add more detail. You need to explain more about Jared and how he looks and everything.
So thats all that you can work on!
You did a great job and I can't wait to read more!
If you prick us, shall we not bleed?
If you tickle us, shall we not laugh?
If you poison us, shall we not die?
If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?
The Merchants of Venice-Shakespear
Love the life u live,
and live the life u love



See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. Ask for no guarantees, ask for no security.
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451