Inside of Me (tanka horror poem)

Basically tanka is an asian style of poems. Here's the rules:

A tanka has:

5 lines

5 syllables on the first and third lines

7 syllables on the second, fourth, and fifth lines

Anyway.

Inside of Me

it’s in me, it hurts
tearing my soul out of me
the knife slits my throat
can’t get it out of my head
as my life ends, blood gushes

Certainly very uplifting!

It's an interesting style though, I'll have to try that sometime.

'as my life ends, blood gushes'

You had a really good line preceeding it then...flop. So, if you have time, I would change that. Get creative! or whatever junk they tell people.

You think the last line is weak? I couldn't really think of anything else to say. Especially considering I'm limited to 7 syllables on the last line.

Yes, but that's the fun of restrictive poems like this - it forces you to be creative. Work on it.

Other than that line, this was good. Thanks for introducing us to this style.

I'll try and change that last line then.

I'm moving this up.