chapter four

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He walked back to his car, and drove away. The night was silent after that, and as I sat down on the stairs that lead up to our house, I sighed and said out loud “he is my prince charming.” With that I ran inside.
The next day, I was sitting on a pool chair, in front of our pool. I wore a blue two piece that looked like a one piece, and also kind of looked like a dress, as it had a skirt with ruffles on the bottom. Gold wedges were on my feet, and my hair was down. I sighed, and flipped another page of my magazine. The sliding doors opened, and my mom walked out. She sat in the chair in front of me. I put my magazine down, and slipped on my gold shades so that I could look properly at her without the sun in my face.
But before she could say anything, Martain walked out. “Uh miss, a young fellow is here to see you.”
I gasped, jumped up and ran inside. Tyler was waiting inside at the door. I bit my lip as I walked toward him. He smiled. “hey there! Come on, go put some clothes on. We are going hiking. Oh, but wear your bathing suit.” I narrowed my eyes at him, but without questions, ran upstairs. I ripped off my bathing suit, and slipped into a deep purple bikini. I threw on a pair of short jean shorts, a white Hollister shirt, and a pair of purple socks with black converse. Into a backpack went underwear, another bathing suit, another pair of clothes and shoes, sunblock, shades, my magazine, phone, makeup, money, camera, and a towel. I slipped a hair bow onto my wrist, brushed my hair, then ran back down stairs with my backpack. He was waiting for me, talking to my mom. “ready to go?” he asked me. I nodded. He then smiled at my mom, and walked out the door, with me following. My mom followed me to close the door, and called out after me “call me!” I knew what she meant. I slipped into the passenger seat of Tyler's car, and we were off. As we went along the road, I opened the window, and air flew past my hair. I slipped my shades on, and as he drove, Tyler held my hand. A thought occurred in my head.
“How come you are able to drive?”
He smiled. “Well, I'm sixteen of course. Why, can't you drive?”
“I wish.” I laughed.
Tyler looked at me surprised. “Really? How old are you?”
I was suddenly cautious , afraid he wouldn't like me because of my age. “Well, I'll be sixteen soon.”
Tyler nodded. “Nice.” He pulled up in a small parking lot, and got out. I followed, grabbing my backpack. As I stood up, I looked around. All that surrounded us were woods. “Where are we?”
Tyler slammed the trunk shut, and came out from behind the car, a backpack on his back, and a blanket slung on one arm, with a picnic basket in hand. “Well, I'm not sure exactly, but I stumbled upon this a couple days ago. Thought it might be a nice place to have a picnic, and to share with someone else.”
He handed me the blanket, and I folded it neatly, then stuffed it into my pack.
“Come on, this way.” Tyler nodded his head toward the woods, then started walking. I lifted up my backpack, grabbed the straps, looked around again, then followed him. We walked into the woods, where a small path was slightly visible. Dodging around trees, going up small hills, almost never talking, we walked for about twenty minutes. Then we came upon an area. All of the trees ended, making a line. Bright green grass stretched before us, then sand, then a sparkling blue lake, that was so clear you could see the bottom and everything that was in it. A dock was leading out to the lake, and over it, and a ladder was on the side. Tyler looked back at me, and I caught up to him, where he took my hand, and led me to the side, in the middle of the grass. Letting go of my hand, he put the basket and his backpack down. I followed his lead. He reached into his backpack and pulled out a bathing suit. “I'm gonna go change real fast.” he said, nodding toward a small wood bathroom.
“Okay.” I replied. He got up and walked to the building. I busied myself, taking the blanket out of my backpack, and spreading it out on the grass. I put our bags on it, then took off my shirt, leaving my shorts on. I also took off my socks and shoes so I had my bikini top and shorts showing. I sat down, with my legs in front of me, arms behind me, head tilted toward the sun. I checked to make sure my toe nail polish wasn't chipped, then leaned back in contentment, letting the sun warm my face. All of a sudden, strong arms were lifting me up. Tyler flung me across his shoulder, and walked out toward the water. I screamed, pounding his back with my fists and kicking his chest. “No no no! Put me down! Put me down!” He walked up onto the dock, and ignoring my throws, threw me into the water. I screamed, and landed in, butt first, getting a mouthful of fresh water. I sunk down, until my feet hit the bottom, then I pushed up. A splash landed beside me, and through the water, I saw Tyler. I flicked my feet and swam up until I broke the surface. I smoothed back my hair with my hands, and Tyler popped up beside me, laughing. I shoved him, then said “That was so not cool! I still have my shorts on!”
“Oh come on! You liked it and you know it”
I sighed, and swam toward the dock. Ignoring the ladder I hoisted myself up onto it, and shimmied out of my shorts. I wrung them out the best I could, then flung them toward our stuff, where they landed on the blanket. Tyler grabbed my legs, pulling me off of the dock, and back into the water. But instead of landing face first like I expected to, I slid into his arms. He put his arms around me, not letting go, so I put mine around his neck. He kissed me, short and sweet, but then after looking at me, a long deep one, that involved tongue. I pushed away from him, after a minute. He grabbed me by the waist, and spun me around. I felt light and refreshed in the water, so I let him, sucking in my stomach, showing my ribs. We swam for awhile, hand in hand, collecting shells, watching the fish go by. We kissed, we laughed, we talked, and it was great. After about half an hour, a mom, daughter, and a dog showed up, so we cut back on the kissing.

I hoisted myself out of the water, and Tyler did the same. Feeling the sun on my shoulders, I got up and walked over to where our stuff was. Digging through my bag, I applied a little sunblock to my shoulders and face. Sitting down on the blanket, Tyler joined me. We ended up with Tyler sitting crisscross, and me laying against him, my head against his chest. We talked for a while, he ran his fingers through my hair, as the sun dried it. As soon as the mom and girl left, and were out of sight, he bent down and kissed me, his soft lips against mine. I sat up, still kissing him, but he pushed me back down, then came down beside me. My arms were around his neck, he had one hand at the small of my back, the other tangled in my hair. We kissed for awhile, he whispered sweet things in my ear.

I sat up, and then crawled over to where my backpack was. Turning my back to Tyler, I grabbed the strings of my bikini top, and retied them. I slipped on my shorts and white shirt, that I had had on earlier. When I turned back around, I saw Tyler had slipped a shirt on, and was rummaging through the picnic basket. He turned around and saw me watching him. I looked down, blushing. He laughed, then held up buns and hot dogs, Putting them on the blanket he told me "I'm going to go look for rocks and firewood. Get everything that you can set up." I nodded, and he disappeared into the woods.
Digging in the picnic basket, I found a giant bag of chips, plates and forks, a few apples, a container with brownies in it, and small containers of ketchup and mustard. Digging farther revealed matches, a lighter, a knife, cups, paper-towels, and a soda bottle. I pulled everything out, then crawled back over to my pack, where I found my phone. Sitting on the blanket, I texted my mom and my friends, until Tyler came back. His arms were full of sticks and rocks, showing off his muscles. He laid the stuff down on the grass, then looking down, found his shirt covered in dirt. He ripped it off and threw it to the side, revealing a six pack. I marveled at his muscles while he got to work, ripping up grass, making the rocks into a circle, and setting up a fire. The sun was slowly setting, but a few minutes later, a fire was roaring, and our hot dogs were roasting on the fire.
I pulled out my camera and held it up to Tyler. "I thought this might be a good idea."
He smiled, then took it from my hands. Playing with it for a few minutes, he tried to figure out how to work it. I laughed. he looked up, and I put my hands on top of his, guiding his fingers. A minute later he was taking pictures of everything. me, him, us, the fire, the sun, the lake, everything. When the hot dogs were done, he took them off the fire. Slipping two into buns, he handed one to me. I put some ketchup on it, then took a bite.
"Mmm. These are good." Tyler smiled at me after I said that. I looked at him." What?" He grabbed a paper towel, and leaned in toward me, wiping a bit of ketchup off my face. Before he could lean away, I set down my hot dog, and leaned on farther, kissing him. As he kissed back, there was a flash. I leaned back laughing, and Tyler showed me the picture of us. It was good. The sun was setting in the background, the fire was on the side, and we looked perfect together. I smiled, and took the camera from him. We laid next to each other for awhile, not doing anything, and then he said "want to take a dip?"
I sat up, leaning on my elbow. "Dip? As in skinny dip?" I raised my eyebrows. Even in the faint light I could see Tyler blush. "No. Sorry, I meant just swim. Unless you really want to 'dip'."
I laughed. "God forbid. Done that once. The guy ended up drunk. Not a pretty sight." He smiled, then stood up. I grabbed a hair-bow, and then twisted my hair into a bun. He reached out his hands, and I took them. He pulled me up, then we walked hand in hand to the water. But before I had a chance to step out of my shorts and shirt, once again Tyler pushed me in. I stayed under water for a minute, before swimming under the dock. I stayed in the dark shadows, and watched as Tyler looked around in the water. "Macey?"
When I didn't respond, he jumped in, coming up quickly. When his back was turned I swam over to him. Putting my arms around his back, I whispered into his ear "gotcha."
He looked surprised, then grabbed me. His mouth landed on mine, rough, yet sweet. I saw his eyes roam my body, but not in a guy way. I knew what he saw though. My white shirt was wet, so it was see through, revealing my bikini underneath, which probably looked like a bra. My shorts were also soaked, but since they weren't white, they weren't see through. The most they showed was the outline of my bikini bottom, and they were slightly uncomfortable, since they were wet, but I paid no attention. My hair was in its bun still, but was wet and slightly hanging down. As we kissed there, under the setting sun, the sky purple and orange behind us, wrapped around each other, I realized something.
That night at the party, I had thought I was falling in love. Tonight, I was sure. He was perfect. Shaggy brown hair, those grey blue eyes. his hair reminded me of Justin Beiber, who I hated, but the look was good on Tyler.He never tried to force me to do anything, like my some of my past boyfriends, but he was also willing to go forward. He looked super hot in navy and white stripes, and even though I had only seen him in jeans, I would have loved to see him wear shorts. Unlike most guys, he could rock converse without looking gay, and didn't look to bad in Air Jordans.

I leaned away from him, both of us breathing hard. We smiled, and then swam some more.

We ended up side by side, me curled up with him perfectly against him. My body fit into the shape of his well, and as he draped his arm over me, and we began to fall asleep, I thought, "this is what true love is supposed to be."
I was awakened by the chirp of a bird. I sat up and Tyler stirred, but didn't wake up. The sky was still dark, it looked to be about six in the morning. I groaned. Knowing my dad would worry, as he didn't know where I was, and my mom hadn't expected me to sleep over at anyone's, I knew I had probably get back to the house.

From my backpack I grabbed my underwear and bra, extra outfit, and makeup. I headed to the little building. It was basically like a school bathroom, girls on one side, boys on the other. I slipped into the girls bathroom and came out ten minutes later, wearing a pair of pink Sophies, a blue Hollister tank top, and my makeup was perfect. I carried my shoes and backpack in hand as I walked away from the building. First my feet hit grass, then my toes were squishing in between the sand. Tyler sat up and rubbed his eyes when I came back, his hair tussled. He looked around and yawned, then saw me. "Hey sleeping beauty. Did you sleep well?"
"Actually, yes. Thank you. Now, I probably need to go, since I don't think my mom was expecting me to stay out all night, so..."
Tyler nodded, and got up.

I opened the door, and stood in the doorway. Looking up the stairs, I confirmed that no one was up yet. Tyler came up, placed his hands on my shoulders and kissed me. Then he was leaving, with a " Later", and he was gone. Muffin in one hand, phone in the other, I slung my backpack over my arm, and climbed the stairs to my bedroom. Throwing my stuff into one of my chairs, I slipped into my pj's, and went back to bed.
I woke up, to the sound of my cell phone. I leaned over and grabbed it, then checked to see who it was from. Lucy. I groaned, and threw it back onto my nightstand. Putting my head under my pillow, I tried to go back to sleep. When my phone pinged again, I sighed but got up. Slipping into my slippers, I grabbed my phone and headed downstairs, where I curled up in a chair in the rec room in front of the T.V. I checked my phone. the first message read
"look. im sorry okay. can u 4give and 4get? i really am sorry."
I actually laughed at that, then checked the second message. It was from Jenna.
"want to go to the mall? broke up with parker and im now depressed. need to shop..."
I replied "already there. b at ur house in 20."
Not bothering to reply to Lucy, I ran upstairs to my bedroom. I washed my face, then slipped on a Vintage Ralph Lauren red ruffle dress, brown uggs, and an Alice+Olivia brown short sleeved short jacket. I brushed my hair, hastily straightened it, then pulled the headband from Carter's party in. I grabbed my red Michael Kors handbag and ran out the door. Walking across the street to Jenna's, I rang the doorbell. Her mom answered, then told me to go on up to Jenna's room. I passed the playroom where all of Jenna's younger siblings were, all on beanbags watching Spongebob. I smiled as I passed them, silently thinking "what lucky kids. So carefree, able to do anything."
When I walked into Jenna's room, I was surprised to see her curled up on her bed. Her eyes were super red, and she had tearstains on her clothes. Her cellphone was at her side, and she looked up when I walked in. She sat up, and I came to sit at the end of her bed. She rubbed her eyes and laughed. "Guess you aren't used to seeing me like this huh." I realized I looked surprised, and quickly composed myself.
"I guess. Now come on. We have to get you cleaned up If we are going to the mall, cause there is no way I'm going with you looking like that." She sighed, but allowed herself to be pulled up and led to her bathroom. She washed her face and I did her makeup, using extra care with the concealer. Soon, she looked like her normal self, minus the clothes. When we went back to her bedroom, she walked into her closet and came back out wearing a pink football jersey, a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and Sperry's. I sighed as I looked at her shoes. Wistfully I said "I really need to get some Sperry's. They are adorable." Jenna shrugged, then slipped her cell and a tube of lip-gloss into her back pocket. Grabbing a pink wallet she slipped her credit cards into it, and grabbed a brush. She yanked it through her hair silently, then pulled it into a ponytail. Slipping a ribbon in, we walked down the stairs. I thought "even with her in jeans and a jersey, and me in a dress, she still looks better." She grabbed a granola bar on the way, and we headed to her garage. I sighed as we slipped into her dad's SUV, wistfully thinking about my many limos, all with personal drivers, refrigerators, t.v.s, and heated seats. On the way to the mall, we both just stared out the window, not talking. When her dad pulled up, Jenna told him to pick us up in a few hours, and he rolled away. Jenna turned to face me.We stared at each other for a few minutes, then I threw my arms around her. When I pulled away, I linked my arm through hers, and turned to face the mall. "Come on. Lets go have some fun."
I flipped my hair over my shoulder, and arm in arm we sauntered into the mall. Looking around, I said, "lets go get our nails done. Mine are like really crappy." Jenna looked down at her chipped nails, and laughed. "Yeah, same here. Then we can stop at the makeup counter and get our makeup done." I laughed.
"what, my makeup isn't good enough for you?"
"Uh, maybe?" We both laughed, then sauntered to the nail salon. Fourty minutes later we walked back out, with my nails a beautiful pale shiny pink, (silver palm tree, $126) and hers, underneath fake nails that were french manicures (diagonal, $173). I hated fake nails, but she didn't have a problem with them. We stopped at the new makeup store and got our makeup done, bought everything they used on us, then walked back out. Heading to Forever 21, we tried on crazy outfits, taking pictures, but not buying, then finally settled for two outfits for each of us. Mine consisted of two bubble bottom flare tank-tops, miniskirts, and a pair of boots, and a pair of sandals. Jenna got two dresses, both pink, (of course) and a new pair of flipflops, along with a few necklaces. After we payed, we stopped at the new vitamin water store, and each got a bottle, then headed to the area of the mall with all of the stores like Hollister, Abercrombie, and American Eagle. Our arms laden with bags, we headed to Kitson a hour later. Stopping at the counter, I put on my best smile and blinded the guy working there. Stuttering he asked "can I help you with something?"
"Uh, yeah. Um, can you tell me where Tyler is? He works here." I batted my eyes at the guy, then looked at his name-tag. "Charlie."
His face fell when he saw I was looking for another guy, but he answered anyway. "Uh, his sister and some other girl came and picked him up like ten minutes ago. They should be at the food court."
"Thanks!" Grabbing Jenna we speed walked out of the store. As soon as we were out of sight, we burst out laughing, then still smiling, headed to the food court. Standing at the entrance, we searched for Tyler. When we found him, we headed toward him, but I stopped dead in my tracks.
"What?" jenna asked.
"Look." I pointed to where Tyler was sitting. He looked adorable as always, wearing a dark blue and white striped collared shirt, jeans, and puma's. Kaylie was at his side, and boy was she a mess. Her obviously borrowed from her brother's closet Vans, baggy skateboard like jeans, and motorcycle jacket with red shirt, was a definet fashion don't, but that wasn't what made me stop. What did, was the fact that there was another girl on the other side of Tyler, laughing her head off and flirtatiously smacking him.
Last edited by cassidyrose on Wed Feb 09, 2011 11:40 pm, edited 6 times in total.
I have no idea what to put so I am writing random things. There. That should be enough.




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Hey! Teardrop here to review!

-First of all, you need to space this out. It's all jumbled together, and it's hard to read.

- You need to check your capitilization and punctuation. No offence, but there's a lot of mistakes. Before you post, read this over to yourself to be sure you didn't make any obvious mistakes.

- This piece lacks detail, and depth. Be sure to remember the five senses. Describe what the character Hears, feels, tastes, smells, and sees. Be sure to step into her shoes, and paint a picture in the reader's mind.

- When you start dialogue, you need to begin a new paragraph.

Mistakes are highlighted in red, comments in pink : )

cassidyrose wrote:He walked back to his car, and drove away. The night was silent after that, and as I sat down on the stairs that lead up to our house, I sighed and said out loud “he is my prince charming.” With that I ran inside.The next day, I was sitting on a pool chair, in front of our pool. try and avoid repetition when you write. I wore a blue two piece that looked like a one piece, and also kind of looked like a dress, as it had a skirt with ruffles on the bottom. Also, try and avoid run-on sentences like that. Gold wedges were on my feet, and my hair was down. Elaborate, what color hair, and maybe add something like, "my hair was down, my golden locks sitting on my shoulders." Or you know, something like that. I sighed, and flipped another page of my magazine. The sliding doors opened, and my mom walked out. She sat in the chair in front of me. I put my magazine down, and slipped on my gold shades so that I could look properly at her without the sun in my face.
But before she could say anything, Martain walked out. “Uh miss, a young fellow is here to see you.”
I gasped, jumped up comma and ran inside. Tyler was waiting inside at the door. it's a little hard to imagine this, what is he wearing, what does he look like, etc. I bit my lip as I walked toward him. He smiled. “hey there! Come on, go put some clothes on. We are going hiking. Oh, but wear your bathing suit.” I narrowed my eyes at him, but without questions, ran upstairs. I ripped off my bathing suit, and slipped into a deep purple bikini. I threw on a pair of short jean shorts, a white Hollister shirt, and a pair of purple socks with black converse. Into a backpack went underwear, another bathing suit, another pair of clothes and shoes, sunblock, shades, my magazine, phone, makeup, money, camera, and a towel. I slipped a hair bow onto my wrist, brushed my hair, then ran back down stairs with my backpack. He was waiting for me, talking to my mom. “ready to go?” he asked me. I nodded. He then smiled at my mom, and walked out the door, with me following. My mom followed me to close the door, and called out after me “call me!” I knew what she meant. I slipped into the passenger seat of Tyler's car, and we were off. As we went along the road, I opened the window, and air flew past my hair. I slipped my shades on, and as he drove, Tyler held my hand. A thought occurred in my head.
“How come you are able to drive?”
He smiled. “Well, I'm sixteen of course. Why, can't you drive?”
“I wish.” I laughed.
Tyler looked at me surprised. “Really? How old are you?”
I was suddenly cautious , afraid he wouldn't like me because of my age. “Well, I'll be sixteen soon.”
Tyler nodded. “Nice.” He pulled up in a small parking lot, and got out. I followed, grabbing my backpack. As I stood up, I looked around. All that surrounded us were woods. “Where are we?”
Tyler slammed the trunk shut, and came out from behind the car, a backpack on his back, and a blanket slung on one arm, with a picnic basket in hand. “Well, I'm not sure exactly, but I stumbled upon this a couple days ago. Thought it might be a nice place to have a picnic, and to share with someone else.”
He handed me the blanket, and I folded it neatly, then stuffed it into my pack.
“Come on, this way.” Tyler nodded his head toward the woods, then started walking. I lifted up my backpack, grabbed the straps, looked around again, then followed him. We walked into the woods, where a small path was slightly visible. Dodging around trees, going up small hills, almost never talking, we walked for about twenty minutes. Then we came upon an area. All of the trees ended, making a line. Bright green grass stretched before us, then sand, then a sparkling blue lake, that was so clear you could see the bottom and everything that was in it. A dock was leading out to the lake, and over it, and a ladder was on the side. Tyler looked back at me, and I caught up to him, where he took my hand, and led me to the side, in the middle of the grass. Letting go of my hand, he put the basket and his backpack down. I followed his lead. He reached into his backpack and pulled out a bathing suit. “I'm gonna go change real fast.” he said, nodding toward a small wood bathroom.
“Okay.” that period after "Okay" should be a commaI replied. He got up and walked to the building. I busied myself, taking the blanket out of my backpack, and spreading it out on the grass. I put our bags on it, then took off my shirt, leaving my shorts on. I also took off my socks and shoes so I had my bikini top and shorts showing. I sat down, with my legs in front of me, arms behind me, head tilted toward the sun. I checked to make sure my toe nail polish wasn't chipped, then leaned back in contentment, letting the sun warm my face. All of a sudden, strong arms were lifting me up. Tyler flung me across his shoulder, and walked out toward the water. I screamed, pounding his back with my fists and kicking his chest. “No no no! Put me down! Put me down!” He walked up onto the dock, and ignoring my throws, threw me into the water. I screamed, and landed in, butt first, getting a mouthful of fresh water. I sunk down, until my feet hit the bottom, then I pushed up. A splash landed beside me, and through the water, I saw Tyler. I flicked my feet and swam up until I broke the surface. I smoothed back my hair with my hands, and Tyler popped up beside me, laughing. I shoved him, then said “That was so not cool! I still have my shorts on!”
“Oh come on! You liked it and you know it”
I sighed, and swam toward the dock. Ignoring the ladder I hoisted myself up onto it, and shimmied out of my shorts. I wrung them out the best I could, then flung them toward our stuff, where they landed on the blanket. Tyler grabbed my legs, pulling me off of the dock, and back into the water. But instead of landing face first like I expected to, I slid into his arms. He put his arms around me, not letting go, so I put mine around his neck. He kissed me, short and sweet, but then after looking at me, a long deep one, that involved tongue. I pushed away from him, after a minute. He grabbed me by the waist, and spun me around. I felt light and refreshed in the water, so I let him, sucking in my stomach, showing my ribs. We swam for awhile, hand in hand, collecting shells, watching the fish go by. We kissed, we laughed, we talked, and it was great. After about half an hour, a mom, daughter, and a dog showed up, so we cut back on the kissing. you could have added a lot more emotion in that paragraph, explain her feelings, and again remember the five senses.

I hoisted myself out of the water, and Tyler did the same. Feeling the sun on my shoulders, I got up and walked over to where our stuff was. Digging through my bag, I applied a little sunblock to my shoulders and face. Sitting down on the blanket, Tyler joined me. We ended up with Tyler sitting crisscross, and me laying against him, my head against his chest. We talked for a while, he ran his fingers through my hair, as the sun dried it. As soon as the mom and girl left, and were out of sight, he bent down and kissed me, his soft lips against mine. I sat up, still kissing him, but he pushed me back down, then came down beside me. My arms were around his neck, he had one hand at the small of my back, the other tangled in my hair. We kissed for awhile, he whispered sweet things in my ear.

I sat up, and then crawled over to where my backpack was. Turning my back to Tyler, I grabbed the strings of my bikini top, and retied them. I slipped on my shorts and white shirt, that I had had on earlier. When I turned back around, I saw Tyler had slipped a shirt on, and was rummaging through the picnic basket. He turned around and saw me watching him. I looked down, blushing. He laughed, then held up buns and hot dogs, Putting them on the blanket he told me "I'm going to go look for rocks and firewood. Get everything that you can set up." I nodded, and he disappeared into the woods.
Digging in the picnic basket, I found a giant bag of chips, plates and forks, a few apples, a container with brownies in it, and small containers of ketchup and mustard. Digging farther revealed matches, a lighter, a knife, cups, paper-towels, and a soda bottle. I pulled everything out, then crawled back over to my pack, where I found my phone. Sitting on the blanket, I texted my mom and my friends, until Tyler came back. His arms were full of sticks and rocks, showing off his muscles. He laid the stuff down on the grass, then looking down, found his shirt covered in dirt. He ripped it off and threw it to the side, revealing a six pack. I marveled at his muscles while he got to work, ripping up grass, making the rocks into a circle, and setting up a fire. The sun was slowly setting, but a few minutes later, a fire was roaring, and our hot dogs were roasting on the fire.
I pulled out my camera and held it up to Tyler. "I thought this might be a good idea."
He smiled, then took it from my hands. Playing with it for a few minutes, he tried to figure out how to work it. I laughed. he looked up, and I put my hands on top of his, guiding his fingers. A minute later he was taking pictures of everything. me, him, us, the fire, the sun, the lake, everything. When the hot dogs were done, he took them off the fire. Slipping two into buns, he handed one to me. I put some ketchup on it, then took a bite.
"Mmm. These are good." Tyler smiled at me after I said that. I looked at him." What?" He grabbed a paper towel, and leaned in toward me, wiping a bit of ketchup off my face. Before he could lean away, I set down my hot dog, and leaned on farther, kissing him. As he kissed back, there was a flash. I leaned back laughing, and Tyler showed me the picture of us. It was good. The sun was setting in the background, the fire was on the side, and we looked perfect together. I smiled, and took the camera from him. We laid next to each other for awhile, not doing anything, and then he said "want to take a dip?"
I sat up, leaning on my elbow. "Dip? As in skinny dip?" I raised my eyebrows. Even in the faint light I could see Tyler blush. "No. Sorry, I meant just swim. Unless you really want to 'dip'."
I laughed. "God forbid. Done that once. The guy ended up drunk. Not a pretty sight." He smiled, then stood up. I grabbed a hair-bow, and then twisted my hair into a bun. He reached out his hands, and I took them. He pulled me up, then we walked hand in hand to the water. But before I had a chance to step out of my shorts and shirt, once again Tyler pushed me in. I stayed under water for a minute, before swimming under the dock. I stayed in the dark shadows, and watched as Tyler looked around in the water. "Macey?"
When I didn't respond, he jumped in, coming up quickly. When his back was turned I swam over to him. Putting my arms around his back, I whispered into his ear "gotcha."
He looked surprised, then grabbed me. His mouth landed on mine, rough, yet sweet. I saw his eyes roam my body, but not in a guy way. I knew what he saw though. My white shirt was wet, so it was see through, revealing my bikini underneath, which probably looked like a bra. My shorts were also soaked, but since they weren't white, they weren't see through. The most they showed was the outline of my bikini bottom, and they were slightly uncomfortable, since they were wet, but I paid no attention. My hair was in its bun still, but was wet and slightly hanging down. As we kissed there, under the setting sun, the sky purple and orange behind us, wrapped around each other, I realized something.
That night at the party, I had thought I was falling in love. Tonight, I was sure. He was perfect to. Shaggy brown hair, those grey blue eyes. his hair reminded me of Justin Beiber, who I hated, but the look was good on Tyler.He never tried to force me to do anything, like my some of my past boyfriends, but he was also willing to go forward.
I leaned away from him, both of us breathing hard.



Okay, this is a really interesting start and I think it has potential but you need to add a ton more detail to this to really make the reader keep interest. Anyway feel free to PM me and keep writing!

Best wishes and happy writing!

~ Teardrop
And are the doctors dancing in, while the ambulances sing. Another boy without a sharper knife. The moment, that's where I kill the conversation, wrap this up with a knife that loves to feel. How do you know how deep to go before it's real?
- Yeah Boy And Doll Face ~ Pierce The Veil



akdsjfh you know that feeling where you start writing a scene but then you get bored with the scene so you move on and start writing a different scene and then you get bored with that scene so you move on to an entirely different WIP and then you get bored with that so you move on-
— AceassinOfTheMoon