Stars

I know it's a little short, but I couldn't come up with any more ideas for this poem.

They shine so bright,
In the sky at night.

In your eyes they twinkle,
Calmness they sprinkle

They seem so very special,
While in the sand I nestle.

The stars look so pretty,
Just like a little kitty.

That was very cute, and very light hearted. Which is refreshing to see. Alot of times poetry is very sad.. good job

It rhymes, but it is very simple; I think it can be improved further. Allow me to explain:

Poetry is all about painting a picture with words. The goal is to describe something (or someone!) thoroughly using poetic devices. There are various styles of poetry that are employed to do this (Haiku, rhymes, etc.) but all of them have the same objective. That is the grammar behind the poetry. You can think of it as the canvas for this verbal painting which you're writing.

Every painting needs paint. For the verbal painter (aka Poet) the paint is Imagery. Consider Shakespeare's Sonnet 18. The opening line: "Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?" immediately conjures up images from the reader's own mind. Images of warmth, brightness, and fair weather are all brought out in a single line.

Not all of us can be Shakespeare though; but we can sure learn a lot from him.

Now, let's look at the imagery from the last stanza.

The stars look so pretty,
Just a little kitty.

When I read this, no imagery jumped out at me. How exactly can one compare stars with kittens? In what way are they alike? They rhymed (although "just a little kitty" by itself didn't make much sense, but I suspect that's a minor typo) but the images (stars and kittens) just didn't connect with one another. When images don't connect, the poem doesn't make sense.

The good news is that your poem doesn't have a lot of imagery. A rookie error is to include too much imagery; creating abominations like "Crimson blood oozed over my soul of blackness angst angst blood blood crimson ooze." In contrast, your poem has less imagery than it needs. While some of the imagery needs to be updated so that they are connected to one another, that is much easier to do.

They shine so bright,
In the sky at night.

This stanza is the best written. It's a little cliche perhaps, to be talking about how stars shine, but I don't care. I've got fond memories of looking up at the sky and seeing the brightness of trillions of stars.

cupcake wrote:The stars look so pretty,
Just a little kitty.

I ment to say "Just like a little kitty"
I'll edit that now.

I'm hesitant to suggest anything, just because this was so... cute Haha. Definitely brought a smile to my face. Good write.

Griffinkeeper wrote:It rhymes, but it is very simple; I think it can be improved further. Allow me to explain:

Poetry is all about painting a picture with words. The goal is to describe something (or someone!) thoroughly using poetic devices. There are various styles of poetry that are employed to do this (Haiku, rhymes, etc.) but all of them have the same objective. That is the grammar behind the poetry. You can think of it as the canvas for this verbal painting which you're writing.

Every painting needs paint. For the verbal painter (aka Poet) the paint is Imagery. Consider Shakespeare's Sonnet 18. The opening line: "Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?" immediately conjures up images from the reader's own mind. Images of warmth, brightness, and fair weather are all brought out in a single line.

Not all of us can be Shakespeare though; but we can sure learn a lot from him.

Now, let's look at the imagery from the last stanza.

The stars look so pretty,
Just a little kitty.

When I read this, no imagery jumped out at me. How exactly can one compare stars with kittens? In what way are they alike? They rhymed (although "just a little kitty" by itself didn't make much sense, but I suspect that's a minor typo) but the images (stars and kittens) just didn't connect with one another. When images don't connect, the poem doesn't make sense.

The good news is that your poem doesn't have a lot of imagery. A rookie error is to include too much imagery; creating abominations like "Crimson blood oozed over my soul of blackness angst angst blood blood crimson ooze." In contrast, your poem has less imagery than it needs. While some of the imagery needs to be updated so that they are connected to one another, that is much easier to do.

They shine so bright,
In the sky at night.

This stanza is the best written. It's a little cliche perhaps, to be talking about how stars shine, but I don't care. I've got fond memories of looking up at the sky and seeing the brightness of trillions of stars.

Yes, I have the same comments as mentioned...
Overall, an average -yet cute- poem. I'd give it an B plus...