headstart

it was night and trees were spiders
as the glistening fog began,
and the dew caught fast our clothing,
and we cried out as we ran.
and the monster fast behind us
with capacious sharp toothed jaws,
and to foam it whipped the lightest earth,
with jagged darkened claws.
the door is green,
a fallen moon,
as we drop to our knees,
and push our way through--
and the beast begins to growl,
its throat a silouhette,
as we take our daggers,
and ready fast our net.
and as she throws it open,
i toss fast out the mesh.
and the monster tries to fight it as
he's ready for the taste of flesh.
the string is strong,
his fur is grey,
but undettered,
he'll hunt his prey.
we watch for a second,
which speeds our hearts,
then fly from the clearing,
at best,
a head start.

I know nothing at all about poetry -- absolutely nothing ... except when something sounds good. So as I've decided to review this, I'll put my corrections in bold.

It was night and trees were spiders
as the glistening fog began.
and The dew caught fast our clothing,
and we cried out as we ran.
and The monster fast behind us
with capacious sharp toothed jaws;
and to foam it whipped the lightest earth,
with jagged darkened claws.
The door is green,
a fallen moon,
as we drop to our knees,
and push our way through--
and the beast begins to growl,
its throat a silouhette,
as we take out our daggers,
and ready fast our net.
And as she throws it open,
I toss fast out the mesh.
andThe monster tries to fight it as
he's ready for the taste of flesh.
The string is strong,
his fur is grey,
but undettered (undeterred?), he'll hunt his prey.
We watch for a second,
which speeds our hearts,
then fly from the clearing; at best,
a head start.

So, as I was lazy, I did capitalize some stuff, just 'cause I figured I would just be, well, lazy! C:

OVERALL:
I did quite like this. It was really interesting. I like how it leaves the reader room to mull over what the monster is, and allows us to think up what the monster is. I think that the poem was to the point, and really drew the audience in (or, well, me) from the start. I love the visual to give us at the beginning:

It was night and trees were spiders / as the glistening fog began. / And dew caught fast our clothing / and we cried out as we ran.

What a great start. A perfect BANG! and the audience is off running with the characters, following in their footsteps and terror, through the eerie forest as they go. One spelling mistake, really ("undettered", which I think you meant to be "undeterred"), and multiple capitals that you've missed. There was a lot of the use of "And" in this poem, which I substituted, but those are only options for your to use if you want to. However, other than that, I really like this poem. It totally fits the kind of stuff I'm into, and drew me in from the start with a lovely visual opening statement. I hope you continue writing your poetry!

thanks so much! this is my first poem on here, and i am so glad to get some constructive comments! your reveiw was extremely helpful!

Hey there! I like this and I think your rhyming in particular is very good. I think it would be easier to read though if it was split into stanzas, and the rhyming scheme would be a bit easier to identify as well, if, say, you had four lines in every stanza. Good description though, I'd like to read more of your stuff!