Say My Name

7 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 7
It's almost kind of funny,
The way you say my name.
You say it loud and proud,
As if I'm something you can tame.

You like the way I purr,
And the arch of my back.
Though I take you for granted,
You keep picking up my slack.

It's almost kind of funny,
How when I curl up on your bed,
You scold me for an hour,
and end up rubbing my head.

It's almost kind of funny,
The way you say my name.
You're loud and you're proud,
Because I'm the kitty that you've tamed.
Run, Devil, Run.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 805
Reviews 336
Hey,

This is really cute piece. I'm not very good at reviewing poetry (Actually, I'm not very good at reviewing in general), but I'll take a shot. It had an almost myseterious feel to it, as if we were to guess who or what the narrator was. I think that by adding in the words 'purr' and the phrase 'arch of my back', you gave away the secret too soon. I guessed that it was a cat, as soon as I read that. I suggest making this piece a little longer with more hints, so it's harder for us to guess, 'Hey, look, she's talking about a cat'. Your rhyme was simple but good and it worked in this poem. The flow was good, I think (I honestly have no clue , but to me the flow seems good). I didn't like the part when you said, 'You keep picking up my slack'. I feel that you put that there, only because it rhymed with back. The phrase made sense but it sounded a little awkward. The grammar was good and overall, this was a really cute, funny piece. Great work!

~Jas

(Btw, this is like, the first review I've done in several months :D)
I am nothing
but a mouthful of 'sorry's, half-hearted
apologies that roll of my tongue, smoothquick, like 'r's
or maybe like pocket candy
that's just a bit too sweet.

~*~




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 67823
Reviews 254
Awwww.... This is so cute.... XD
I loved it.. I guess my cat thinks the same because i do these exact things to him.
This is such a poem which would relate to every person who has a pet cat.
At first when i started reading i could not understand of whom you were talking about unless you cam to the purr part.
This could be even more cute if you lengthen it a bit....
Best of luck for the rest...
Keep writing... :D
Are you living for the things you are praying for?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1075
Reviews 9
well I've never seen anyone do poetry from inside the mind of an animal of any kind it's very unique and pretty cute and i like how you are able to express yourself even though you've got a bit o a rhyme scheme going on.

Keep writing and do things that are outside of the those things are most interesting.
Emancipate yourself from mental slavery no one but you can free your minds- Bob Marley

The mind is a terrible thing to waste! - United Negro College Fund




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 3371
Reviews 61
This poem is so cute! Just one thing, You started each stanza with
NikkiLow wrote:It's almost kind of funny
apart from the second one, it just seems a bit off, but thats just my opinion. Keep writing! :D
God gives us our relatives - thank God we can choose our friends.
- Ethel Watts Mumford

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
- Walter Winchell

“I’ll Surprise you, I promise”
-Adam Lambert




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 23425
Reviews 566
Aww, this is really cute. I can't actually remember the last time I read a poem that was written from the point of view of an animal. It's pretty amusing as well, thinking about what animals think about humans. The rhyming is quite good and doesn't sound too forced, and it flows quite well. Good job, keep writing! Fahrvergnügen too!
Matt.




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 83309
Reviews 436
Hello!

Nice, I love poems written from the PoV of an animal, always interesting to read. It fills me with schadenfreude!

One thing that would improve this poem is really distinguishing the cat through other means that its signature noise. Cats are very distinctive in their pride and individuality, and it would be really nice if you used characteristics of the cat to identify it rather than a purr. That would probably work a lot better!

Other than that, you've written a really enjoyable, cute poem.

-Amy
"It is curious how often you humans manage to obtain that which you do not want."

-Spock.


Click if you love cookies



cron
If all pulled in one direction, the world would keel over.
— Yiddish proverb