I woke with a start, my heart pounding in my chest. I took a deep breath. I needed to calm myself; there was absolutely no reason to panic. It was only a dream. I slowly got up and shivered at the contact with the cool floor. With my eyes half closed, I headed for the bathroom, grabbing my towel on my way.
Jumping in the shower, with the steaming water, I started waking up. A multitude of images were flipping in my head: the entire school united in the cafeteria, the gun, the bullet…coming directly at me, and the shear pleasure when it finally pierced my skin, when it ran through my flesh and tearing it to reveal the gaping hole that was there all along. The face behind the pistol was blurred but I knew it by heart. Every night, when I saw it in my dreams, I’d kick and scream with anger. Why couldn’t he have plunged the knife already?
The tears gushed out of the corners of my eyes but I shrugged them off; I didn’t want to think of that dream anymore. It was already a nightmare at school, since Jake.
Everybody just seemed so eager to make me suffer. I had had enough of being the freak. The worst thing was that they didn’t even know what really happened, what he really did to me. I just wanted to scream it in their faces, see if they come to my side instead of his. But that would never happen because even if I did tell them, they would never listen to me and he would only want his revenge. Or maybe, they already knew. Maybe some of them were part of it… But would never admit it either. They would just lie, and everybody would believe them. A weird sensation appeared in the pit of my stomach and I blinked back tears.
Almost in a trance, I didn’t even realize the water was now ice cold. Jumping out, I rubbed myself vigorously with my towel. Coming out of the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and looked away quickly. I stalked out of the bathroom, slamming the door and re-entered my bedroom to prepare for school. I slipped my over-sized sweatshirt on top of my clothes, my everyday routine, and glanced at my alarm clock. I had to hurry, there were only fifteen minutes left before the start of classes. I ran down the stairs, grabbed an apple and my lunch and got out in the crisp morning air.
The street was full of students, walking to either the high school, on the corner of the street, or the private school, a little further down the same street. There was much trouble between them. Since they built the new high school, Ashbury, so close to our school, it did nothing but cause problems. The rich kids went to the private school, with their uniforms and their perfect programs while the rest, like me, were stuck in the ghetto school, with the druggies and the bullies. Such differences would never get along.
I stopped in front of Tara’s house. She was one of my best friends, one of the only ones that stayed with me when my whole existence made no sense at all, but. The little path that lead to the white house was strewed with fallen leaves. I rang the doorbell and the door opened almost instantly. Tara was putting on her coat in the hall.
“Hey,” I said, when she saw me.
“Hi,” she said, “I’ll be just a minute; I have to grab my stuff.”
I nodded and went to sit on the porch stairs to wait. It was getting colder everyday now, the winter creeping slowly into the lingering warm fall air. No doubt it would be snowing in less than two weeks. But it didn’t matter to me; my heart was already as cold as snow, white and motionless in my chest.
The door opened, and Tara stepped out, bag in hand, “Okay, let’s go,” she said.
We walked down the sidewalk; there weren't many students now, most were already at school. The sound of footfalls made me look back.
“Hey girls!” Ian called, jogging behind to catch up. He slowed his pace to match ours, “It’s cold today,” he commented, rubbing his hands together. His cheeks were tainted, red by the slap of the chilly wind.
“Yeah”, Tara agreed, “It feels like it was still summer just yesterday. If it keeps going, there will be snow tomorrow morning.”
I nodded; it did feel like summer hadn’t finished so long ago, like The Night had been just yesterday.
Ian sighed, burying his hands in his coat pockets, “Yeah... I can’t wait for it again. Sucks we just have two months of it.”
Again, I nodded. I wished it would be summer again so I wouldn’t have to go to school. Even with Ian and Tara with me, it was still hard to get through a simple day at school. We didn’t utter another word after that, trudging along the now vacant street.
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