Declare Not Your Love

Declare not your love,
That is just a passing whim,
Say not you’ll be there,
When tomorrow you’ll be gone

You’ve come too many times,
Just to go once more.
And every time I swear,
I’ll never let you in.

Promise me not that you’ll stay
For empty promises mean nothing.
Every time you speak,
I make myself believe

A fool that listens to empty words,
Is a fool that never learns.
For every time you come,
You cause me utter pain.

I swear, love, you’ll never win,
If I must lose to make you lose,
Then so be it, watch me go,
As I say goodbye,
One last time.

Rawr, okay great poem first off, but it did lack a certain emotion. I think you have the makings of a great poem, but I do think you should add a little bit more to it, make the reader really feel what you're thinking and feeling, cause as I read it I didn't.

Also, these are my specific points I'd check out:

Declare not your love,
That is just a passing whim,
Say not you’ll be there,
When tomorrow you’ll be gone You probably want a period here.

You’ve come too many times,
Just to go once more.
And every time I swear,
I’ll never let you in. This line is a beat too long, how bout adding "again" at the end to make it a little more flowing. Just my opinion, you don't have to take it.

Promise me not that you’ll stay
For empty promises mean nothing.
Every time you speak,
I make myself believe You need a period here. Also this is a great example of what I mean by you aren't letting the reader feel the emotion. You make yourself believe, okay....what are you believing? Yes, we can guess, but if you describe it and really show the reader how hurt you are by believing the lies, it would add the dramatic effect this poem so dearly needs.

A fool that listens to empty words,
Is a fool that never learns.
For every time you come,
You cause me utter pain. This is a great stanza

I swear, love, you’ll never win,
If I must lose to make you lose,
Then so be it, watch me go,
As I say goodbye,
One last time. This is your most powerful image, hang on to it, it's perfect.

This poem is soooo good! I love the picture it paints and i especially like the ending of you leaving. Very powerful. Share the talent hun

I liked this, it was a beautiful poem.
The structure of it was nice and it gave great imagery that kept me hooked till the end.
I felt like I was part of it.
I especially liked:

Promise me not that you’ll stay
For empty promises mean nothing.
Every time you speak,
I make myself believe

Its a strong verse and makes me remember all the promises that have been broken to me, which is a great number. It seriously lets your own emotions flow.
Overall a great piece and I look forward to reading more.
Well done!

I think the idea for this poem was good, but the execution of it was mundane. The main for that is what seems to be a lack of emotion. There is nothing i can tangibly see that this person is hurt, or hates, or loves. I do not feel the poem.

I swear, love, you’ll never win,
If I must lose to make you lose,
Then so be it, watch me go,
As I say goodbye,
One last time.

This sounds like someone is muttering grrrrrr.....I do not believe it. That is again what makes me dislike this poem. I can see it as a great poem in the futgure, but it seems as though whomever this person is (if it's not you), is emotionless, or at the very most shallow. Work on the language. Elevate it. Make your poem breathe by dramatizing it more. Extend sentences, use more words. Make the reader feel what you really want them too.

This poem is very good, and you did a lot o stuff right. You had proper punctuation, grammar, and spelling. You had a great idea, but there is a lot you could do with it. It is very undeveloped and you could do a lot more with it. Other than that it's great.